Sexual Relationships
11 mo

To lose it or keep it

To lose it or keep it

I've never had sex before and I'm now in a relationship where he wants to be intimate and I'm scared.

I have so many questions in my head. Like will I regret this? Do I want to do this outside of commitment? Should I just suck it up and lose it. I don't know. I feel that I should talk to someone but not my mom because she tends to be overbearing in all aspects. It's hard to get through to her. She acts like she's never had sex outside of marriage but I'm pretty sure she has because she would have bragged about waiting if she didn't.

I don't want to talk to my dad about this because obviously he's a guy and doesn't want me dating till I'm 100. lol My sister is too little and I feel like I have no one to talk to so I'm writing it out. I don't want to sound like a baby about it but I don't want to regret anything. Everyone who says the didn't wait says they regret it. And everyone who didn't kinda wishes they didn't do it with the first person they did it with.

I want to live my life with no regrets either way I go. I need to develop a healthy attitude towards this but until then I'll continue to wait it out and think about it before jumping to any conclusions.

2 5

Most Helpful Guys

  • At least you're thinking about it I don't know if girls get that opportunity sometimes because I think for them it just happens but you have to understand something it can actually be one of the most beautiful moments in your life if it's done right if the guy makes it all about you and it's a guy is not selfish because 9 out of 10 guys are very selfish they're going to make it about themselves and not you what I mean by that in 2 minutes after he's gone on top of you he'll be off of you putting his clothes on and you'll say WTF just happened are you kidding me you're finished we didn't even start LOL so you have to make sure it's the right guy here's the other thing first thing after you meet the right guy there has to be a condom if there's no condom there should be no sex whatsoever because the odds are of you getting pregnant is 50/50 are you ready to have a child are you ready to put your whole life on stop if you do not have the guy wear condoms I mean you're taking the major chance no matter what the guy says to you no matter what he tells you no matter what he promises you you do not let him have sex with you without a condom that has to be the law the rule because if you were to get pregnant 9 and 1/2 guys out of 10 are going to deny even having sex with you and that really sucks because here you give a guy that you like an opportunity to do something great but when there's a baby involved and you're at your age that you are in same with the guy they don't want to take responsibility okay so now you're going to have sex instead of doing it like that why don't you try it like this first you can start making out and you guys come up with a plan the plan needs to be or should be or however you want to do it sure thing LOL but tell the guy that you just want to kind of have foreplay and we can do anything we want but no penetration the first time so what I mean by that is you could be making out both get naked you can get on top of him he can grab your hips and slowly slide you forward push you back slowly slide you forward push you back in slow slow motion for 10-15 minutes there's all different ways to do that all different speeds on how to do it you can start doing it with your panties on and then slide them over or take them off but the slower you go to the more seductive it would be and every time that you slide your self all the way down to the head of his cock and you back up and you feel that Rush every time his skin is pushing up against yours it's going to be a major turn on and if it's done right you can make you have an orgasm just like that but I mean just don't jump into the experience it make sure it's what you want to do you know there's a reason why you've waited so long and you have to balance that out somehow you know what are the reasons that you want to do it you want to do it because everybody else is done it you want to do it because you've masturbated before and you love that feeling and now you can only imagine what it's going to feel like I mean you've waited this long so make sure that you are right and making that choice me the first time I did it I was 15 and a half I wanted to feel what it felt like that's all there was to it but the first time I did it I was angry because I thought I was going to go to hell because I wasn't married and to be honest it wasn't any good I thought I was supposed to see fireworks LOL I thought I was just supposed to explode crazy none of that even happened she was happy she said it was great but something was missing so now the sex sucked I'm going to hell and who knows if I got her pregnant I don't know so it was kind of a downer for me luckily this girl was 19 years old she was a college student home on vacation spring break and she called me back again and she called me back again the first three times sucks she said she loves all three times she said stop thinking like that it was great on the fourth time right before she's getting ready to go back to school she called me and said Saturday her mom is going to be gone please come over so I had a couple days to think about it I'm what I was going to do to make a great great and I didn't come I mean I came up with ideas but it wasn't until we started that I changed everything I could look into her eyes I can see what she wanted I've read the color of her cheeks the way she breathe the way she moved her hips the way she moaned and I just started making it all about her I just got lost in her and this time when we were finished I saw the fireworks a couple times it was having fantastic there's no words to explain it except for this is beautiful and she told me this time she said time is absolutely oh my God I've never heard it like that before so I learned a lot that day but I still carry with me to this day and that I have enhanced on tremendously but just make sure it's right for you make sure that's what you really really want cuz there's no change in there's no getting it back so you have to make sure that everything is right

    • BIASED MHO

    • @ Anonymous did you figure it out

    • Yeah I kinda wished I could update the whole thing but I can’t. Anyway yesterday I saw him in town with another girl. And while I’m kinda sad I did ask for clarity on the situation and I got it. So not sure how to feel rn but thank you!

    • Show All

  • 1st, this all depends on a few variables.. age, relationship length, etc etc. Here is my litmus test, do you see yourself marrying this person?, Are you willing to have and raise a child with this person? there is something more to sex than just sex. sex should be about the emotion, feel, closeness of it all. if you do decide to take the plunge, take your time don't just rush to sex. explore, and take time to become aroused (women usually take about 20 mins). but if you think sex will save a relationship DO NOT DO IT. if you have those thoughts this is not the person.

    • BIASED MHO

    • Yeah yesterday I saw him in town with another girl. And while I’m kinda sad I did ask for clarity on the situation and I got it. So not sure how to feel rn but thank you!

    • And to be honest there's much more to it too than just to having sex I mean there's a lot of things you have to watch out for and a lot of things you need to understand probably a lot of things that you should experience too you can DM me if you want

Most Helpful Girls

  • I didn't wait until I was married and I didn't marry the guy I lost it to either. I'm 35 and have only been with 4 guys, that's something I'm proud of. I don't regret any of my decisions this far in life. Do I think you should wait until marriage? No. But that's another bit for a different time maybe.
    Before I had lost it, my sister in law told me that when it comes to making big decisions you should always ask yourself "am I going to want to tell my kids about this one day?" (because you're an example to them)
    I'm not sure how old you are but you mentioned mom and dad so I'm guessing your 14 or 15? No matter your age, unless you're over 23 your brain is still developong so your understanding of your emotions isn't quite reliable just yet. Sex is a BIG leap that entails a whole bunch of emotions and emotional reactions so a solid understanding of yours is a MUST.

    **The only regrets we should ever have are the decisions we make that don't define our morals. (Our level of self-respect)**
    If you're not sure what level they are, then now is a good time to sit down with yourself and decide.
    Have you talked to him about how you feel about it? What was his response? Of you can't talk to him about it, then you definitely shouldn't have sex with him.
    You can pm me if you would like and we can talk more.

    • I'm 19 but he was cheating so I got my answer

  • im gonna give you the cold hard truth.

    you're rarely ever gonna find a guy who would want to stay in a sexless relationship.

    secondly, you need to ask yourself why you're so afraid of sex. is it because it could be painful? or is it that you don't think you're comfortable enough with him? because girls base a lot on who to have sex with based on how comfortable they are with the guy.

    thirdly, if you think guys are gonna care about your virginity, think again. In our modern era, 95% guys do not care. Simple. Period.

    lastly, if you're ever planning to have children. Sex would be a necessary component to having children. You're not gonna be able to have kids without sex.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I say don't do it. The time for sex is like pornagraphy or the perfect killstreak on a popular videogame. You can't quite describe it but you know it when you see it. In other words, if you have this many doubts then it isn't the time.

  • If your not 100% sure, don't do it.

  • If you state that you want to live a life with no regrets and feel pressure to have sex, then you should not have sex. You will regret most things you do if you truly do not want to do them. If your partner loves you, he will respect any decision you make, even if that's not to sex. If you don't know 100% whether you will feel ready/want to have sex if the person you are dating now or in the future, then maybe that means you are not sexually attracted to your partner. Maybe, your mind subconsciously perceives your partner as a friend. Or maybe getting to know your partner more before sex is better to see if your feelings develop for him sexually. Everything you do in a relationship that involves both parties should make both feel equally happy.

    • yesterday I saw him in town with another girl. And while I’m kinda sad I did ask for clarity on the situation and I got it. So not sure how to feel rn but thank you! Definitely glad I waited. I sure I would have regretted having sex on Tuesday and seeing him with her on Friday

  • I had sex to just stop being on the line: I had done sexual things, but not had full sex. So I jumped the fence. And I regret it.

    I wish I had waited for someone worthy of all of me. No one ever explained it to me like that. But the person worthy of all of me ended up being the person I'd marry.

    Your virginity is something you only get once. Imagine you had one wish for one person in the world. Would you spend it on just anyone? Or would you save it for the perfect moment?

    I wish I'd saved it for marriage tbh. That's just my two cents, for whatever it's worth.

  • I'd say that if you're having doubts, you should wait.

    When I finally decided it was time for my first time, it felt right, I wanted it as much as the guy I was with at the time and... Even though it was a bit awkward, it was special to me.

    You'll know when the time is right. Trust your instincts.

    • yesterday I saw him in town with another girl. And while I’m kinda sad I did ask for clarity on the situation and I got it. So not sure how to feel rn but thank you! Definitely glad I trusted that feeling

    • Let me add one more thing... If a guy can't wait until your ready and it feels right to you, then he's probably not "the one". My now husband waited almost 6 months !!!

    • Yeah

  • If he's pushing for it don't do it. You're probably too young yet to be having sex. Plenty of time in your mid 20s.

  • There is no problem with waiting for later. Why some people are not happy with hugs and kisses I don't know. As a man I'd wait for a woman to be ready to do it at a time that is good for both of us. If he actually likes you he will wait and if he doesn't want to wait, you should tell him to move on. Anyone can have sex, having a good relationship is the hard thing.

  • My thoughts are this, if you're under 20, wait three months. This doesn't mean gradual increases like hand job, blow job, etc. before he finally has sex; literally don't get him off at all for three months. If he stays around then you can be fairly sure he really likes you.

    If you're 21 or over, I'd say wait the same three months, but just to keep him interested ramp up from nothing to that (all that in-between stuff). You want to keep him interested, and a young guy with a sex drive will dessert a girl that he likes if he's not getting off at all (mostly). Still, you want to wait long enough that you both know if you really like each other.

    But, it's a risk either way. You could lose it, and he leaves one day. Or you could never lose it, and no man waits around until you're ready/ marriage. There's no way to know how things will turn out, but if/ when you do go all the way, tell him that it's important to you, that you hope it will bring you two closer together, and that you hope he doesn't make you regret it.

    • yesterday I saw him in town with another girl. And while I’m kinda sad I did ask for clarity on the situation and I got it. So not sure how to feel rn but thank you! Definitely glad I waited.

  • That's nature and you've got him where you want him. Used to be guys would marry the girl, but other girls have cheapened themselves so much it makes your job harder. This is an exchange of value. At young age, get commitment... otherwise you are giving him everything and getting nothing... and in off chances, may be left "holding the bag"... something you aren't ready for. Remember... all guys are idiots, until they marry you. when you marry him, you owe that man respect.

    It's not the end of the world, not the biggest deal in the world, he's not the only guy in the world.

  • Sounds like this is a question you may need to ask ya self. "Do you want the sex or not?" whatever answer you come up with is yours to make. I'm sure that's not much to you but it's the thing that matters most. No one will be able to decide but you. Because no one else will care (besides family)

  • Once you lose it, it’s gone and lost forever.
    Make the wait worth it.
    If he can’t wait, then he’s not worth it. Do it at your own time, this is your moment. When you are ready. No pressure. Do it with someone you fully trust with yourself. Make the moment special. Make it a moment to remember forever. 💕

  • Dildo

    That could "knock out" the physical stuff...

    But sex with a person shouldn't be something you should jump into if you have reservations about it.

  • 1. Learn about birth control and Plan B Plan B is something you can get at any

    2. Trust yourself. You already have a good head on your shoulders because instead of recklessly having sex with just anyone, you're asking questions and thinking deeply about it first.

    3. Ask yourself, "Do I want a baby with this man? Would he make a good husband/father?" This help me a lot when I first had sex because birth control isn't 100% and a baby doesn't care if you're ready or not. I wanted my partners to be men I trust enough to help me raise a child if birth control failed.

    Having meaningful sex really depends on how you feel about the other person. If you have any doubts, it's okay to wait until you're ready. If he pressures you, tries to persuade you, etc then he may not be the guy for you and that could be the deeper reason for your hesitation.

    • *Plan B is something you can get at any retail pharmacy (CVS, Walgreens, Walmart, etc).

    • this is really insightful

    • Well yesterday I saw him in town with another girl. And while I’m kinda sad I did ask for clarity on the situation and I got it. So not sure how to feel rn but thank you!

  • You will know when it is the right time and the right guy. Don't forget to use condoms every time!

  • How old are you?

    • 19...

    • That’s quite young. Don’t rush it. Only do it when you feel ready and actually WANT to do it. The problem with women particularly younger ones is they are rather indecisive on things like this. It’s usually up to the man to make the decision for her. At least it’s up to him to initiate and she then decides to proceed or not. It’s too bad she could just already have her mind made up beforehand.

  • if you are hesitating and questioning it you aren't ready. maybe you should be talk to him instead, say you aren't ready yet.

  • If you're asking the question, then you may not be ready for it. It should definitely be with someone you trust and love. Don't do it out of pressure from the guy. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. Whether you wait till marriage or the right partner, it's up to you.

    • yesterday I saw him in town with another girl. And while I’m kinda sad I did ask for clarity on the situation and I got it. So not sure how to feel rn but thank you! Definitely glad I waited.

    • Figured. He's not after love. He's after sex. move on to better people. You dodged a bullet. Trust me. There are plenty of guys like that.

  • Take your time. Let him know if you are or aren’t ready. If he doesn’t respect it, leave. THAT IS a red flag

  • You're better off waiting, and not just for the "right guy", but until you get married. A lot of people will say that you need to know if you're sexually compatible with each other. That, to be blunt, is one of the silliest things I've ever heard in my life. When you get married, you're not getting married because of compatibility, but because you love the other person and want to build a life and a family with them. If you put that much stock in "compatibility", you're limiting what you choose to love about the other person.

    Many will also say that waiting until marriage for sex is an outdated moral from the past. They'll say that "it's x-current year, so stop living in the past". To them, I ask what that has to do with anything.

    Many people today view sex from a perspective of use and entertainment. If you keep your eye and intention on marriage, you will be able to protect yourself from making that mistake. You'll be able to further develop that healthy attitude that you say you want to have.

    If it would help, my wife and I waited until we got married. I can give you some further perspective on waiting if you would like.

    • why do you wish you waited?

    • We did wait.

    • I think that’s what I’m going to end up doing

  • Of course doing something for The först time might mot be exactly as you expert. No matter if you are a beginner or a professional i sex, you can't always satify someone or be satified every time.

    Sex might be bad, but fel good IF its with someone you are attracted to or kike

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