
In my time dating, I encountered any number of vanilla women. I had a well-deserved reputation in the local BDSM community, aka the scene, for dating vanilla women and showing them the delights of “The Dark Side” as we called it. A lot of Doms asked me how I did this plus here on GAG I get questions on similar subjects. In these situations, rather than typing the same answer/opinion over and over, I opt to write a My Take. As with all my writing, I welcome any feedback on this. My handle on GAG is AustinMan.
I discovered I had a really intense thing for the female derriere when I hit puberty in about fifth grade. It intensified in high school. I also began to have fantasies about soundly spanking those sweet, round bottoms as well as reaming them passionately. I sneaked my dad’s cribbage board out on a date in high school and gave Jane a hot, hard spanking. She loved it.
A lot of women don’t even know they’re kinky until someone like me wakes it up in them. I found that if I asked a woman how she would feel if I tossed her over my knee and gave her a hot bare bottom spanking, they would more often than not start squirming in their seat, wet between their legs. They often love being dominated sexually, both physically and emotionally. In short, a lot of women are sexually submissive and many, many of those are masochistic to varying degrees.
In college and after, I began to feel very conflicted. I was the head usher at a big church and worked very hard to be the perfect gentleman. I was torn between my two lives: my public or real life and my sex life. I kept trying to reconcile being a really nice, kind and helpful person with my fantasies and practices of doing wicked, painful things to these same lovely young women.
After some therapy, I finally decided that those two parts of me are independent and asynchronous. I can be the usher with the coeds at church and then make them completely and roughly mine when I get the chance.
If a woman asks you to do something you fear will hurt her, ask her for a safe word, a word she won’t normally use during sex but can easily remember under duress. If things go too far, all she has to do is say that word and everything stops on a dime so you can talk about it but until she does, she wants you to go all caveman on her. Now, if your heart’s not in it for other reasons like you’re just not kinky, there’s not much to be done and my experience tells me you should split up. Kinks come from deep in our psyches and leaving them unattended usually doesn’t end well.
In summary, it’s like Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Set a safe word and then enjoy. Some of the ladies might disagree but I found that it was much better for both of us if I just did what I wanted and if she didn’t object, I’d keep going.
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