Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
This is my first myTake, so if I miss something or leave out anything pertinent, forgive me. I don't think it'll be particularly long.
I spend a lot of time on this site as some of you may have noticed; I think it's fascinating to regard peoples' different opinions on life, the universe, and everything in it (mostly sex, hormones, romantic aspirations, physical attraction, and all related matters), whether they have any logical or substantive reasons to think the things they do, or not.
Often in topics related to romance, specifically the questions written by a female perspective, I see examples similar to "Why is he doing X to me?" or "Why is he acting X way?" The question always seems to verge into the banal and ordinary at first with "Things have been going well" but (there's always a but), "but why is he suddenly acting X way like he doesn't like me any more?" And then, inevitably, as sure as the sun rises...
"...Is he just using me for sex?"
Now, this very, very rarely occurs with a guy talking about a girl in the same fashion in a comparable post. But in the *thousands of posts* I've viewed and commented on in my time on GaG, I've noticed it... four or five times? So this is indeed a girl-ranting-about-guy-behavior sexual topic, and THAT is something I notice every single day at least two or three times.
^ So why did I post that pic? Why an eye roll? Why is the concept of "using me for sex" or "using you for sex" or "using" ANYone for sex, to quote @Mllecake, "lowball ass-chatter?" Well here's why: You can't have your cake and eat it too. What is "using" someone for sex? Simple: We call it sexual assault. If it isn't sexual assault, there's no "using" taking place. If a girl willingly has sex with a guy, even several times, then she is doing it because she wants to; she cannot then later claim that the guy is using her or used her just because things don't go well, or she didn't get out of him *after the fact* something that she wanted from him. And if she doesn't want to have sex with him, then she shouldn't fucking have sex with him-- it's really very simple.
So what is desired, in these cases? Oftentimes, that something is a relationship. Monogamous commitment. Or perhaps even an engagement, if they've been together for a while. In reference to the "friend zone," which many girls pooh-pooh as an immature concept because it's not something they usually have to deal with, a paraphrased popular narrative is "A girl is not a person that you drop enough friend coins into and then eventually you are granted sex." And I agree-- that mostly makes sense, right? It's a heavy dilution of a sensitive topic for lots of guys, but succinctly summarized, it's pretty much true, yes? So then a guy is also not a person that you drop enough sex coins into and you are then eventually (or immediately) granted a relationship or "something more" or marriage or Come-meet-my-mom-and-all-my-friends.
A truth in this life is that everyone has the right to self-determination as long as you're not hurting someone else; a person is allowed to be sure of themselves, and *own* themselves, and their body is theirs and no one else's. No one has the right to rescind that (outside of imprisoning people for violent crimes or whatever). No one has the right to physically or violently violate your body, your wholeness, without significant cause. Your "body is a temple," for lack of a better phrase. This is a popular narrative in feminism, and it should be, because it's true. So then, people are capable of making their own decisions about their own bodies, yes? Including girls/ladies/females/women? Obviously yes? Since they're, you know, people? So then how can so many girls clearly make the decision to do with their bodies what they *choose* to do, and *want* to do, and then later hypocritically ask why, or claim that, the guy is using them for sex? Which is it? Which way do you want it?
The term "use" implies that a person is doing something with an object of some kind that they are in control of and the other thing isn't-- you use a hammer to drive in a nail. You use a car to get from point A to point B. You use sunglasses to shade your eyes. You use a girl to orgasm. ....One of those is not like the others. I'll let you guess: Which is it?
Sometimes, some girls make much pomp and circumstance about being objectified by guys, and how that's immoral... or something (even though other girls in equal numbers seem to actually enjoy being objectified/lusted after-- in a safe fashion of course-- judging by everything seen on GaG). How far are we going to take this drivel? What, if he really really enjoyed the sex then he used her? Or if he didn't, it was using? Or if she really liked it, it was using her? Or if she didn't like it that much, it was using her? Or something? Or if he didn't text her for two or three days after, it was "using?" He's a "player?" Please... spare us. It's nonsense. It's absurd. It's ridiculous.
This Take is also directed to all the guys (the sheeply plethora that I've seen, sadly) who stupidly push the same narrative in attempts to be supportive of the girls who make these posts. Examples include the same thing: "Yeah he sucks, he doesn't deserve you," "he sounds like an asshole," etc. Bro... *you* sound like a complete fool. I get WHY you are saying these things-- like I already said, you want to be supportive! Girl is upset-- back girl up! Make her feel better! Give her an online hug! Come to her rescue! There's nothing wrong with that, right? Supporting others, being sympathetic, is a good thing in the big scheme of life. Unless of course... the cause you're supporting is a foolish, illogical one.
This is very, very, very simple: If she wants to have sex with the dude, then fine. If she doesn't, she doesn't. She can't then basically get buyer's remorse for not getting a label or a ring. I mean, she CAN, but then that makes her exactly one thing-- a hypocrite.
And once you've become a hypocrite, your opinion is worthless. You lose.
What Girls & Guys Said
36 34The only thing I don't agree with is someone could say they want a long term relationship and then have sex and leave without telling.
People wouldn't do that if they didn't think they had to.
@Anon-ymous1 I disagree with you. People don't "have to" to lie about their intentions (I know you didn't say that exactly but you said that it was what people thought). They lie because they want to. If people were up front about their intentions from the start then a lot of the "deception" and confusion that comes with dating could be avoided. I see your point and I also really enjoyed the mytake, but some of the things you said just threw me off completely.
@simplyaramdomgirl No one is up front about all their intentions right from the start. If they were, girls would start talking about weddings on the first or second date, which is ridiculous.
A wedding isn't my intention when I first meet a guy. Not all girls are wedding-crazy. I'd personally like to get to know the guy more than one or two dates to decide if he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I mean were the girls that you've met that bat-shit crazy to make you think that we are all like that? Lmfao.
@simplyaramdomgirl... No... no no no you're entirely not getting the point. The point is exactly what I said, and actually what you just said as well: You still consider marriage or a wedding an eventuality you desire once you get to know the guy well enough. Which means it is still on you mind in some tiny, infinitesimally small way, at any point. I wasn't claiming it's at the forefront, and it doesn't really matter either way.
I see, but I never said that a wedding is always an option/bared in mind. What I meant to state were the conditions that'd have to take place for me to even begin to consider or think about marriage. I see your point though, and it's true after a long while 1y+ would I consider ever marring someone, but yeah, it's still something I'd eventually think about. I believe that every long-term relationship reaches a point in which marriage is thought and even discussed. I know I went by the tangent there, but whatever... By the way, nice grammar/punctuation, not easily found now days...
@simplyaramdomgirl Thanks
Nice take
Sex? Where?
Lol what
I thought there were women somewhere using men for sex so I wanted to volunteer. lol
I use the women I hook up with for sex and likewise do they use me. That's how hookups work. There, your point has been refuted. You lose.
"The term "use" implies yade yade..."
Just semantics, you haven't made your point.
Replace the 'term' "use" with "exploit"
Apparently you didn't read it. Try again.
Girls just have to be aware of pick up artists, and other con jobs, these guys will do a little work on 50 different girls at a time, to see if one will bite.
A woman should always question a man's moral courage, she should do it in public just in case he is also violent. What drives a man? What does he know? What does he think he knows, can he take criticism? IS HE AN HONEST MAN?
Drinking and taking drugs impare your judgement, so if a woman wants a real man she should not do either at the time of finding one.
Otherwise happy hunting and own your decisions.
Hey man if that's how you feel, fine, but that's not at all the point of what I said in the Take.
Yeah I agree. Except the thing is women should know that most of us guys do just want sex from her. They should know that by now. As so many women on here like to claim too that they know us guys so much lol, which is mostly untrue. If most of us guys told a woman straight up we just wanted sex then 99% of us would immediately get rejected so we have to lie and say we want a relationship. It's like women force us to lie and us men in a way force women to lie because of how we withhold each other's temptations. Reality of it is that it's both of our faults. Not to mention how we both put so much pressure on each other by expecting all these reidiculous physical standards on one another. "Women should wear make up like this, they should have these kinds of bodies, these types of faces, this type of hair." "Men should have a jawline that looks like this, should have this type of skin tone, mostly tannish, men should have bodies that are this muscular "like a fit slim body or athletic looking body." Then people wonder why we both lie to the other gender.
You can thank third-wave feminism for making women believe they are equals while at the same time putting them on a victim pedestal.
Some people just love to blame the other sex for all their problems
You are rtrdd! ...
Fantastic myTake
I like this take
Are you the dumbass who claims "cheating" doesn't exist?
Great myTake
I dont think guys ever get used for sex
Thanks
Thank you
yeahhhhh
Maybe not so.
another shitty mytake from you
Another worthless comment to go with the other worthless ones.
worthless mytakes deserve comments you think are "worthless"
*Yawns* Go on, you're on a roll. Thrall me with your acumens.
Yeah man, you can use a girl. You know when they want to be with you and want more, and if you're willing to follow through with sex knowing she wants more, then it's wrong. And, like you're saying, it's selfish of girls to expect a relationship with every guy they like. Getting to know someone takes time, and I'm not going to jump into a relationship before I know you.
Women have the choice to say no to sex with a guy that they like and are seeking a relationship with, but unfortunately, if they want them to like them or are attracted to them, it is difficult to say no.
What you are talking about is honesty with yourself and others. Was I expecting a relationship when I jumped in bed with him- was I trying to get him to like me? Etc. Same goes with the guys. They usually know when they have misled the female into bed. I always knew, and it's easy to make it look like you didn't do anything wrong.
"It is difficult to say no." So?
That doesn't mean using is taking place. People make their own decisions with their own bodies, and they're responsible for those decisions. Me wanting nothing but sex and a good, carefree time from a girl isn't wrong. "Using" implies there is something wrong with it. And if she doesn't want to have sex with the guy, then she doesn't have to. This is really, really simple.
So nothing, kid. It happens a lot. Lol, are you talking down to me? There is definitely power dynamics in a lot of male and female encounters. Some women are not strong enough to say no, it's not an argument, it's just a fact. And vice versa, but usually the woman just rejects the guy, maybe she sleeps with him for cheap affection. Who knows. In the former, they want the guy to like them too much. If this is the case the guy should take responsibility and say that he doesn't want a relationship, but who wants to do that when it's such an easy target. That's not to say that women have no part in the situation. They do. Both parties do. Yes, you can use a woman of she doesn't know any better.
Let me be clear. I am not arguing women are victims or men. Not at all. If you want to have nothing but sex, the right thing to do is to let the other human being know that that is all you want, because they may not sleep with you if they want a relationship instead of casual sex.
If women dont want to be used, they need to stop chasing the wrong men, and stop jumping into bed with strangers. I think we are arguing about the same thing, but the way you are phrasing it makes it sound like there would be no communication between the two parties about what they want. Everyone is responsible for their own consequences of the decisions they make. I don't subscribe to victimization, but there is a need for honesty and openness about intent for the sake of the other party involved. Dating is just dating, and if you jump into bed with me just because you lioe me, doesn't mean we are an item.
Is it wrong for guys to want sex and just that? Carefree fun?
No, not at all. Just make sure they know you don't want a relationship with them, so they have the chance to make their own decision, and they have the option to say no. If they don't say no, that's their choice. I have had a woman tell me that she will only sleep with someone that wants a serious relationship with her. She's very attractive, so we went on a date. I didn't really like her, but she really liked me. And I knew I could say that I wanted a relationship with her so I could sleep with her, but I knew I didn't want one. So I told her I didn't. And she didn't want to sleep with me after that, and we parted ways. The point is that you have to let them in on what is going on with you so they have the opportunity to make an informed decision. Based on the information you've given, and what they want for their own life.
She didn't want to have sex with you due to the circumstances.
Okay, I think you misunderstood the point, but look, I don't really care, live however you want. I'm just going to tell you one thing - when you live shitty, it comes back on you eventually, if not immediately. But, do whatever you want. It's of no consequence to me.
ahhh, i dunno man. i have personally DEFINITELY been with a girl only because she was putting out a lot. If she took sex away, I would disappear
Okay... but uh, so what? You're saying she didn't want to have sex with you?
sure, but i don't think her thoughts or feelings or motives factor into what mine where. I was using her plain and simple. She of course was willing, but that doesn't change what MY intent was.
No, it doesn't change your intent, and my point is that your intent doesn't matter. What, it's not okay for you to want to have sex with a girl? Is there something wrong with that? So if there's nothing wrong, where's the "using?" Using implies that there's unequal power distribution or something.