Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
We have all read countless posts, usually from girls, briefly describing some encounter that they had with a guy which stopped short of penis-in-vagina intercourse. The post always concludes with the question, “Am I still a virgin?”
I often reply that the answer depends entirely on how you define “virgin.” That answer is valid but I am not sure that it is always understood, so this myTake will elaborate on the concept of “virginity.”
What is virginity and why is it important?
(This myTake is not intended to be a defense of the Bible or an in-depth explanation of such passages. I am only illustrating the long established reverence for virginity in religions.) Virginity is emphasized in the Bible as a necessary condition for a woman to be considered as a prospective wife. There are passages in the Bible which suggest that women who are discovered to be not virgins should be stoned to death. However, if a person is widowed and remarries, and therefore probably is not a virgin, there is no Biblical prohibition against a widow or widower remarrying. More likely, the concept of virginity is simply an application of the broader rule against sex outside of marriage.
In Judaism, like Christianity, premarital sex is forbidden. Virginity is treated similarly in the Islamic religion.
In the Hindu faith, virginity on the part of the bride is considered ideal. The common Hindu marriage ceremony focuses on the “Kanyadan” ritual, which literally means “gift of a virgin,” by the father of the bride.
Buddhism implores its adherents to “not get sexually involved with those who are protected by their mothers, their fathers, their brothers, their sisters, their relatives, or their Dhamma; those with husbands, those who entail punishments, or even those crowned with flowers by another man.” Unlike other major religions, this fall somewhat short of a clear and explicit command requiring virginity until marriage.
Aside from religious precepts, until recently, there has been an almost universal cultural value placed on a female being a virgin at marriage. In many places, a man who takes a woman’s virginity before marriage may be required to pay the woman or her father damages for the loss of her virginity. Those laws are based on the traditions of men paying a price to the fathers of their brides and the price is often based on the bride’s perceived value; obviously, a virgin bride commands a higher price.
A 65 year old groom and 12 year old bride posing for wedding pictures (actually a staged event for the purpose of a social psychology study)
Until the last century, girls quite frequently married at the age of 12-14. This made it more likely that the bride would still be a virgin.
Isn’t the concept of virginity sexist?
Yes, those who place a value of the virginity of a bride rarely or never have concern whether the groom is a virgin. In fact, some value is often placed on the groom not being a virgin. “After all, one of them needs to know what they are doing, right?” I am not suggesting that this is a satisfactory justification for maintaining a double standard. I am just observing that it is the most common justification offered.
Why is virginity important?
The importance of virginity developed during a historical era in which women were treated as second-class citizens, they were not “supposed to” enjoy sex, and they were treated as property of their husband. Therefore, most of the discussion of virginity is heavily influenced by such outdated concepts.
From the perspective of a man, a virgin bride means that his wife will have nothing with which to compare him. The virgin bride may think that her husband’s 4 inch penis is huge. She may think that missionary position is the only position in which people ever have intercourse and therefore she may be quite content with what others would consider to be extraordinarily vanilla sex.
If a woman is satisfied with what she is getting at home, she is less likely to consider the possibility of looking elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. This is not a contrived justification. A study published in 1991 in the Journal of Marriage and the Family found that “women who were sexually active before marriage faced a considerably higher risk of marital disruption [separation and divorce] than women who were virgin brides.” When controlling for other variables, the researchers concluded that it was not virginity per se which insulated virgins from marital disruptions, but it was the more general characteristic of being unwilling to break social norms.
Why is virginity important to you?
If you are a girl and you want to be able to tell your parents that you are still a virgin, you will probably want to choose a definition that allows you as much latitude as possible. If being a virgin simply means that you have not had penile-vaginal penetrative sex, then you are free to give and receive oral sex, “hands jobs,” and anal sex. You can offer proof that you still have an intact hymen and your virginity is established beyond doubt.
If you are a man looking for a woman who is innocent and naïve about sex, who can be molded into your idea of a perfect and submissive bride, you probably want to define “virgin” in a restrictive sense, so that any sexual activity would be considered as a loss of virginity.
If you are a victim of a sexual assault that resulted in penile-vaginal penetration, you want to feel that you have not lost your virginity and you probably want to define virginity in a way that focuses on voluntary actions and not activities done under duress or threat of force.
Do you define virgin as a female with an intact hymen?
If you define virgin as someone who has an intact hymen, there are some problems that you must address:
1. Some girls are born without a hymen (although some believe that every girl is born with a hymen but some girls have their hymen ruptured at an early age through non-sexual force.)
2. If a previously chaste girl has been the victim of a sexual assault, she no longer has a hymen. Is she not a virgin?
3. If girl has an intact hymen but has a reputation for being the blow job queen of your village, are you confident in calling her a virgin?
4. If a girl has never had sex with another person but ruptured her hymen by using a vibrator, is she still a virgin?
5. How do you define virginity for a male?
6. If a girl has an experience in which she began to have sex but stopped after the male had only partially inserted his penis (and, afterwards, her hymen is still intact,) is she a virgin? I saw this question posted a few months ago.
Do you define virgin as someone who has not had penile-vaginal sex?
If you define virgin as someone who has not had penile-vaginal sex, there are some problems that you must address:
1. If a previously chaste girl has been the victim of a sexual assault, she has had penile-vaginal penetration. Is she not a virgin?
2. If girl has not had penile-vaginal penetration but has a reputation for being the blow job queen of your village, or maybe she has had anal sex with several guys, are you really confident in calling her a virgin?
3. If girl has not had penile-vaginal penetration but has allowed a boy to give her an orgasm with a vibrator, is she a virgin?
4. If a girl has an experience in which she began to have sex but stopped after the male had only partially inserted his penis (and, afterwards, her hymen is still intact,) is she a virgin?
5. Virginity under this definition almost always depends on someone’s self-report of their prior sexual history. How confident are you that someone will be candid and forthcoming about previous sexual encounters?
Do you define virgin as someone who has not had any sexual experience of any type?
1. If a previously chaste girl has been the victim of a sexual assault, she has had a sexual experience. Is she not a virgin?
2. What experience classifies as “sexual experience” that deprives a person of their virginity. If a girl removed her shirt and bra and let her boyfriend suck on her nipples, does that constitute a loss of virginity? What if he fondled her breasts with his hands under her blouse? What if he fondled her vulva while she was wearing denim jeans?
3. If someone has engaged in masturbation, are they a virgin?
4. Virginity under this definition almost always depends on someone’s self-report of their prior sexual history. How confident are you that someone will be candid and forthcoming about previous sexual encounters?
Solution! (but you probably won't like it.)
A word like “virgin” is a short-hand expression that is intended to convey some information about a person. If I tell you that someone is a diabetic, it imparts certain useful information. It does not give you the details of the extent of the diabetes, whether the person is insulin dependent, etc., but you have at least some information that is potentially useful.
Obviously, the concept of virginity has limited value because the word is defined in different ways and being told that someone is a “virgin” really does not impart any information. It is also a word with such emotionally charged consequences that its very use my change the tenor of a conversation.
The facts speak for themselves. You can debate about whether a certain set of circumstances qualify someone as a virgin, but it is an argument designed to distract us from the facts. If you decide that the village blow job queen is still “technically” a virgin . . . she is still the village blow job queen . . . right?
Just as the Inuits use more than 50 words to describe the many variations of snow, It would be more useful to simply use the following terms:
1. totally inexperienced sexually
2. has only masturbated alone
3. her only “sexual experience” was a rape
4. he has received a blow job but no other sexual activity
5. she had anal sex with one guy while giving another guy a blow job, but she still has an intact hymen
etc.
Let me know your thoughts on the subject, regardless of whether you are still a virgin! :)
What Girls & Guys Said
22 27The older I get, the more I realize that celibacy is indeed not for everyone. That is a very good thing for the male and female celibates. They can stand out more and be seen as role models for everyone else, even though other people do not choose perfect chastity. There should always be people who are non-celibate (married), and there should always be a minority of people who are celibate all their lives.
Nobody ever asks why you prefer mustard to ketchup, but everyone seems so interested in virgins and whether or not they are desired and whether or not they should be.
Is this just the result of a massive amount of butthurt?
so you think at the age of time virgins don't know about kamsutra or haven't watched porn? lol
I don't remember saying anything like that.
I'm a virgin by choice. I've been in situations where sex would have happened, but I stopped. I want my first sexual relationship to be with someone that I love. I want her to at least know that I was waiting for her. To me it's not something that you lose, but kind of like a gift. It would be nice if my partner was a virgin as well so she wouldn't judge me, but honestly it doesn't matter to me as long as she's not judging me based on my lack of experience due to my personal beliefs and values. That being said, I'm sure there are at least a few other other people out there that share a similar perspective on virginity. I'm not there's a wrong perspective, as you'veshown in your my take, virginity is multifaceted so people are bound to perceive it in different lights.
dude you will get dislikes by sluts
I have never been inside of a girl so you can kind of say am a virgin still since i never penetrate a girl. My first girlfriend find someone new after her parents forced us apart she was a virgin. From what she told me she felt like nothing but a bootycall when they first started dating I don't know if she still a virgin from the things she told me they did. But she always wanted to wait till marriage for sex which was very very important to me.. if she come back is was a virgin i would be with her if not then no. Why? becuase if she had sex with him that shows me she loves him or had loved him. You can call me a child if you want but it means something to me. Not saying i wouldn't date a virgin girl. My 2rd girlfriend was a virgin cheated on me with a 59 year old man but i forgiven her but it didn't work out she cheated agin. So on to girlfriend nunber 3 she still a virgin but has done other things. And no i dont go out looking for virgin women its just all of my girlfriend so far have always been virgin girls. But i did try sleeping around wasn't for me.. I feel like sex should only be bewteen 2 ppp truly in love
LOVE THiS!!!
in my opinion The idea of virginity is archaic and completely outdated.