Waiting until marriage even tho I’m not a "pure" virgin?

I’m 21, a girl and an Orthodox Christian. I’ve never been in a relationship before but when I was 19 I had my first kiss at the club with a random guy. We made out, he even gave me a hickey and touched my boobs and ass. I didn’t want all that, but I just let it happen because 1. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself back then 2. I was naive and easy to manipulate.
Then 2 months after that, I made out again with another random guy at the club. We even went to a hotel room together afterwards. I told him we wouldn’t have sex and we agreed on making out only. But he was obviously trying. So while we were making out he just undressed my shirt and bra and started sucking my boobs, I didn’t even know what was happening because I’ve never been intimate with a guy before. Then he tried to unzip my jeans but I gladly could stop him from that. He said he wanted to "just put his fingers in". After that, he put me in sex positions but we both had our clothes on fully but we would dry hump each other. But we didn’t have any kind of sex, not even oral, anal etc.
I consider both encounters as BIG mistakes especially the second one but back then I was very naive but that’s another story. I regret it all, I wish I could go back and make it undone every day but I can’t.
So I repented. I told my confessor everything and he kind of made me look at things through a different perspective. He told me how "lucky" I was because I could’ve been easily raped that night and lose my virginity. That’s when I realized how much God protected me. That was the point for me where I realized I wanted to wait until marriage. I want to have a faithful relationship, followed by a faithful marriage and not participate in any of this casual hook up culture.
But I have a lot of self doubt. I know that I am 100% still a virgin but I’m not a pure virgin. And it all makes me feel like I’m not good enough even though I did repent. I don't know what to do?
Updates:
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I would really appreciate opinions from other Christians!!
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Superb Opinion

  • I grew up in church for the first 18 years of my life, but am not a practising Christian at the moment.


    You’re still a virgin. Also if someone judges you for not being one (which you are), sex before marriage literally makes no difference in my opinion. The main thing is being in a relationship for me, and no treat the first time flagrantly.


    Sex is legitimately the most natural human action, and everyone needs to strike their own balance that makes them comfortable and fulfilled

    • Thank you for your opinion

Most Helpful Guy

  • Go with your goal. You've repented over your past and confessed it so no one can hold that against you because God promises that he cleanses us when we confess our sins in first John 1,9. So who can hold your past against if God took your sins away? Don't be discouraged I doubt that you won't find a guy who won't love you because what you did at the age of 19.
    Maybe it helps if you look for female friends that could share that way with you and have the same standard and the same values. It helps to have people around that can strengthen you while being insecure.
    Plus you can help each other find a man and prepare yourself for marriage and in marriage to get along with life and its struggles.

    • Thank you so much. It means a lot. I joined Sunday school and I’m currently getting closer to my faith and I’m trying. Cut friends off that were just worldly. I’m good, thanks God!

    • You´re welcome

Most Helpful Girl

  • I am definitely not a Christian but I kind of experienced the same as you, all I’m going to say is that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself…we are only human and we make mistakes…you learned from them, repented and even confessed them…the past is the past…

    • Thank you so much... may I ask you what your "same experience" if it’s not too personal?

    • of course, growing up i always wanted to get married as a virgin and as much as some believed that it was outdated, for me it was something i always wanted to do…but soon i started to realize that nobody really cared about virginity as much as i thought…i had an ex break up with me cause i didn't want to have sex…i legit did not get physical with guy till like 22 i believe, same as you he would touch me but unlike you there was sexual things made such as oral and stuff…instantly i regretted my decision, i felt so dirty tbh… if i can go back and take that back i would but there's nothing i can do…i even wanted to confess myself but i felt so embarrassed to even talk to a preist about my doings…thats why for you, doing what you did but still having the strength to repent and confess yourself takes guts to do…thats why im saying, dont be so hard on yourself just stay true to yourself going on forward, i wish i would’ve stayed true to myself…youre good hun trust me, dont let the past haunt you, you live and you learn. Trust me

    • thank you for sharing your story. I really had the luck of having an understanding priest to confess to. and I feel the same way as you, I would love to go back and make it undone even if I didn’t have any sex or lose my virginity with the guys. It’s kind of comforting knowing that other girls have been through the same as me... and I’m sure both of us will learn from our mistakes. Better is to come!! As you said the past is the past but the future is ours to write! Please take your own advice ❤️ Don’t be so hard on yourself too!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Your Value will be super high, however, don’t make it about your Virginity…-This is a turnoff for guys and puts you in high maintenance and not worth it like of women.
    You’re smokin hot ♨️… And any good guy will treat you like a 👸🏻.

    • I don’t think it’s a turn off for a man of God to wait until marriage if he does the same. I don’t care about the other guys. I don’t want to do anything with them ever again

    • Your being sensitive. I’m a man of God. If you play that Virginity card to where it is gross then you are wrong-hearted. I’m going with right-hearted Soul and Mind over a perfect body.

    • What’s your point exactly? I never said my virginity is my (only) or biggest value. I just don’t agree with you when you said that it’ll be a turn off. Why?

  • You remain a virgin Simple as that. So you have played around (or have been played with) a bit.
    Take all the steps.
    *Confess what you have allowed done.
    *Repent of and condemn your actions.
    *Ask G0d for forgiveness.
    As The Man said: Go and sin no more.

    • Thank you. I will confess again soon with God’s will. God bless you

  • It's part of the human condition to want and enjoy sex. You're brushes with it are normal parts of trying to understand your desire and how to manage it. Masturbation is healthy way to express some need but keep yourself for marriage. God isn't going to punish you for something like this, it's about the way you deal with adversity and learn and desire to be the best you can that means more than any one deed or action. It's normal to have desire and it's normal to seek a balance that's right for you.

  • Even after confession and repentance, those feelings of guilt can linger. I'm Christian, I experience this myself. What you do is look to God, embrace your union with him (I believe in Eastern Orthodox this is called "theosis" - I'm Protestant but Protestantism has a similar concept). Remind yourself that he's already forgiven you.

    As for practical steps, it seems that you are vulnerable while visiting clubs. You should consider avoiding them or go with a trusted friend who will help you stay accountable. You've recognized how unsafe the situations you've put yourself in have been, you need to take steps to protect yourself.

  • According to the bible, nobody is perfect and we all have fallen, because were born in to sin, and this why Christ have died for us and through faith he have already forgiving you especially since you already repented. Right now, just like you said wait for marriage and don't beat yourself up. Temptations is always going to be present but God is pleased when you don't forward with it (Obedience) and he understand plus he loves you. Stay blessed 🙏

  • You can still wait until marriage. Lucky you didn't go all the way or i dont think any man would accept waiting then.

  • I think the way you think of it is up to you. It’s about how strict you want to be about your religion. The reality is that religion is only a set of parameters and each person applies them differently. If you speak with 5 Christians you’ll get 5 different answers about your situation. My advice is for you to be consistent about your beliefs and fair to you and others.

    • You’re right. I should have been more specific. I would appreciate answers from Christians who also wait until marriage or waited until marriage obviously

  • You're fine

    • I hope so

  • All good girl forget those ecouters

  • Well they're just your feelings and not the reality, so that's first I think, realizing that. But like you said, you can't change what's happened now, so you just accept that it has and move forward. Don't focus on that or waste time regretting it. There's no point, can't change it. Maybe just have to keep telling yourself this?

  • You're still a virgin and the past can't be changed so you shouldn't worry about it anymore. It's just too bad there are so many lonely people in the world waiting to find the right one and time goes by. But learn from the past and move on, don't let it ruin your life or make you sad.

    • Thank you. It’s been over a year since this happened and I still haven’t moved on. Even tho I have to say for most of the time I just supressed my feelings but now I know I need to express them in order to self heal and finally let go

    • You're welcome, it's isn't really a big deal. Everyone has to learn in life and what you did seems natural anyways, everyone has hormones. What you did wasn't that bad to begin with. Just forget about it and move on. Good luck

    • Easier said than done. But thank you

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