Was I r*ped by this man?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, it was my second date with this guy and second time having sex (ever). I slept over that his house. I woke up to him having sex with me—no teasing, no effort to wake me up before hand. I just remember the feeling of lifelessness and feeling frozen.

I didn’t try to fight it, and I wish I did now. He told me that he was “almost done”. It’s been about 3 years since that’s happened and I was 18, he was 24. I just recently talked to another girl friend of mine about it, and she was telling me her experience was really similar.

[ohsheeT]

You know I can't jump the gun I don't know because there's more to it than just that but anyway what you have to understand and always remember this please I don't care what kind of situation you're in if you don't want somebody to touch you you tell them right then and there and you push you bark you bite whatever it takes you need to be heard but to say that you just kind of woke up and you just kind of laid there I can kind of say stuff on that but I'm not going to because I don't know the whole situation but remember you're the boss of your body you're the boss of you and you remember that and become that boss if you ever have to don't allow somebody to get away with something that you do not want I'm sorry that that happened to you I really am because it's wrong and what's even worse is a guy doing that knowing that he might get away with it because of whatever reason and then you not saying something and they do get away with it because I guarantee it he's done it again and again and again probably like I said I'm sorry that that's happened to you I really am and don't beat yourself up over it either I mean this is one of those moments where you have to just say f*** it and accept it acknowledge it and then be prepared for anything but never let it happen again and you know that you can do that at least I hope you do I'm sorry if all the above sounded kind of rude I don't mean to be like I said I feel your pain and I think it sucks but stand up for yourself if anything ever like this happens again do not let that person do what he thinks he can get away with

[Red_Arrow]

There are many who would say you were. But since you already had sex with him that night, it would seem to be a continuance of the sex you were having with him that night. If you want to experience him asking every time he wants sex, would you expect your future husband to ask each time before initiating sex? Since you were in bed with him and had already had sex with him that night, it seems like a normal continuance of the act. If at that time you changed your mind and asked/told him to stop, then it would be rape.

[Asker]

I know, but in my defense. He put it in while I was asleep. I’m in a happy relationship with my husband right now, and he would never do that.

[Red_Arrow]

As is said, he probably considered it a continuance of what was already happening that night. If you did not want it you should have immediately told him to stop, and you did not do that.

[marrk]

It was rape. Any partner male or female does meed to ask consent. No, it doesn’t need to be a flat out “do I have your consent?” But she was ASLEEP. That’s pretty clear rape. She was unconscious. She was unable to give a yes or no before he even forced himself inside her. the fact she consented once does not mean it counts for forever. Also, rape happens in marriages all the time and are hardly ever believed. Your comment is disgusting. When someone is being violated/traumatized, they often freeze like she said, making it incapable to say ANYTHING let alone fight. So, you saying the fact that she didn’t tell him to stop tells me you don’t understand how trauma works and that you’re victim blaming. Please go do an iota of research on how trauma affects one’s response as well as what consent is. Seriously. Do it. You’re not too old to learn something new.

[Red_Arrow]

@marrk As I said, to him it was a continuance. He thought she would see it the same. She only needed to open her mouth and say otherwise. I have been around a lot of trauma during my life and seen lots of responses. And speaking of age, perhaps when you grow up you will have seen as much as I have.

[Asker]

@marrk thank you :)

[marrk]

Absolutely💜

[marrk]

As I said, everyone behaves differently when in this type of situation. Again, please do your research. Don’t tell me to grow up when you are advocating on behalf of a rapist. This makes me doubt you have been around a lot of trauma when you say she should’ve opened her mouth…LOTS of people freeze in these situations. I’m old enough to have experienced both first and second hand trauma and have researched it a ton as well. These past couple of decades, we’ve only just cracked the surface anyhow. In fact, in the past three years, “fawn” was added to the fight, flight, and freeze responses.

[Red_Arrow]

@marrk If you are old enough to have experienced both first and second hand trauma, I guess I am old enough to have experienced 8th and 9th hand trauma. And I have lived it in a military career and years of trauma in my family. Maybe you should go back and "research" it some more.

[marrk]

This isn’t a math equation. This is psychology. The fact you say 8th and 9th hand trauma means you don’t know what you’re actually talking about.

[Red_Arrow]

@marrk

[Red_Arrow]

You brought in the math equation with your statement of having first and second hand trauma. I was just showing you how ridiculous that was. And it is obvious that you do not know what you are talking about.

[marrk]

Lol no. First and second hand trauma are actual psychological terms. We’re done here. I can’t talk to someone who keeps purporting they know what they’re talking about when they so clearly do not. It’s sad, really.

[Red_Arrow]

@marrk You just expressed what I feel. I am done talking with someone who babbles on about knowing what she is talking about but has not lived through it. Goodbye!

[Apple1996]

Yes it's rape. It'd be different if y'all consented before going to sleep/had some type of agreement but sounds like you didn't and he just forced himself on you

[EmmaMary]

Three years ago... It's just a little late to do anything about it now.

[Asker]

I’m not going to do anything about it. That guy has to live with that.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[RoseySarah]

Yes you were!

If you think you were raped then you were!

#metoo

[Gent207-2]

That was definitely rape

He should be in jail

[Levin]

It sounds pretty rapey because whatever he was doing it obviously wasn't consensual.

And it sounds like you were frozen with fear?

It seems to have left something with you? Some kind of trauma?

[Drumlin2001]

Dosen't sound like you ever consented. Question is were you OK with it or not. If not then yeah it's rape

[Asker]

No I wasn’t but I didn’t verbalize that because I was in complete shock he was having sex with me while I was dead asleep.

[Lokiion]

Yeah you got raped

[DerekC321]

Yes. I'm very sorry.

[AngryCarl2]

No offence, but if you can't tell if you were raped or not you shouldn't be allowed out.

[Asker]

Excuse me?

[AngryCarl2]

That's okay.

[marrk]

Don’t be rude. Not everyone receives sex education and tbh it sounds like you’re blaming the victim. Gross. A lot of trauma and doubt happens after being sexually assaulted or even assaulted in general.

[bros26]

So he put his dick inside your hole n you don't even know... oh common

[peterrezeeek]

yeah u r raped..
but u did wrong when u went to sleep in his house

[MaxUsefull]

I don’t think so

[Anonymous]

Why do you say r*aped instead of raped?

[Anonymous]

Yes, that was non-consensual, he used you, that was rape.