Was I raped by my boyfriend?

[Emmalovexx]

We broke up and are trying to sort it this week, I said I wasn’t going having sex with him until it’s sorted completely, he came around me to just even give him naked cuddles. Stupid I know and I made it clear again no sex, while he was cuddling me he kept moving until he shoved it into my vagina is that classed as rape?

[mxntalbby]

Rape is a big word. We have to be careful in how we use it. You were naked so he’s assuming this is something he can get laying in a bed with you. If he did this and you said no and told him to get out and he held you down to continue. That would be rape. If you verbally say no I don’t want this sorry and he continues. You can change your mind at any point. Even if you did get in the bed naked. You can say No. its not Embarrassing and it’s not rude and you are in complete control of your body.

[EmmaMary]

I'm unsure about Irish law, but here in the UK that would be determined as rape.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHGirl.

[Walrus_au]

yes. I'd also say you really were sending mixed messages in spades.
The point is you made the boundary clear and he went over it.

But you and your ex do naked cuddles? wtf? How is that not setting up a bad scene?

[BeMuse]

Oh yeah… People just strip down, get butt naked, get into bed together with each other, and just friendly cuddle all the time… Totally… Do you even listen to yourself when you say shit like that?

[HedwigInABox]

People in a relationship do

[BeMuse]

@HedwigInABox I’ve woken up naked next to women, cuddled, and talked. Sometimes that turns into more sex, sometimes it turns into what do you want to do today, you want want breakfast... I’ve never gone to someone house to strip butt naked and gotten into bed to friendly cuddle. Just doesn’t happen that way. To me it sounds like she was withholding sex because they were arguing. Then she wanted to have sex anyway, things progressed a bit, but she’s still mad about the issues they are having as a couple.

[HedwigInABox]

People in a relationship cuddle naked together that's completly normal. It doesn't mean he came to her House Just to cuddle. But I think we need more context. Did she try to Stop him or did she participate? Cause technically it is rape if she said she does not want sex but he still penetrated her. But if she participated it's not rape

[BeMuse]

@HedwigInABox If a guy is getting naked with a girl he’s going to push for sex every time unless he’s gay, a nudist, has erectile dysfunction, is like 70 year old and no sex drive left, or just recently had sex. If you don’t understand that you need to and should learn to set some new boundaries. If you’re already having regular sex and live together you can wake up next to someone in your underwear or naked and cuddle or go to sleep that way, but you don’t go to someone house to hang out and get naked and cuddle. Just doesn’t work that way. It’s an unrealistic scenario. I know some people are into some really weird shit like having a gun held to their head during sex, but I don’t even think this would make the cut into feasible. Most guys don’t have issues with cuddling without sex, but he’s not going to get naked to do it if he’s not planning to have sex… It’s going to lead to sex. This seems like a classic case of almost make up sex. but she’s confused about how she feels about him. It being considered to be turned into a rape report is just bat shit crazy. I guess if we disagree on where to get lunch with a woman these days we should just kick them out of the car right then and there on the curb because later on she might say we raped her. You ladies are off your rocker these days.

[HedwigInABox]

I don't think wheter all men want sex in this situation matters here. It's about stopping or even starting it If one of them said they don't want sex. People can be in the middle of Sex and If their Partner want's to Stop, they should respect that.

[BeMuse]

@HedwigInABox This is how I interprets what she said. She broke up a few days ago and said she didn’t want to have sex until they basically talked about things and resolved their issues. A few days later he comes over to talk and work things out, they end up naked in bed cuddling because he sweet talked her or whatever and she was feeling better about him for the moment. He tried to initiate make up sex because things were moving in that direction and it seemed consensual in the moment (not two or three days ago when she wanted to break up and talk before they had anymore sex). That was his goal to fix things, have sex, and get back to normal, and make his woman happy. How far that went she didn’t say… Now later on she doesn’t feel like they really worked shit out. He’s probably showing behaviors she wants him to change so she confused and mad at him. But wait we live in 2020 so you can just yell rape and ignore the entire back story if you’re a woman. Yeah that would be a good way to teach him to listen to you… You ladies really need to sort yourselves out.

[HedwigInABox]

This may or may not has happend. If this is how it was, it's obviously not rape. My Point is just that consent can be revoked at any Point and he shouldn't have had Sex with her If she didn't want it. Meaning she didn't told him to stop

[Emmalovexx]

@HedwigInABox there was no consent given, I said and repeated a lot and I mean almost that I wasn’t having sex until the following week until we talked everything out, ok I was wrong to agree to naked cuddles but you can do that with out sex being involved, while we were hugged he shoved his hips into me that it went straight in when I said 2 mins before no sex

[purplepoppy]

Ask yourself this question would you stand in front of a jury and say "I was naked with my lover hugging and his penis slipped in"?

[CindyRuns]

Yes... but, you'd have a hard time getting anywhere with claiming that in most states.

[HedwigInABox]

That's rape.

[nella965]

if you cried out "no, stop!" but he still keeps doing it. then yes its rape.

[Hoss1981]

Did you tell him to stop once he shoved it in.

[Dargil]

Cuddling naked is implied consent. If you wanted to avoid sex, you shouldn't have created "enabling conditions".

[juicyjessie]

There is no such thing as implied consent. At least, not in UK. The only consent is the word "yes"! Even silence is not consent.

[Dargil]

@juicyjessie Only a cherry picked jury would agree. You cannot legislate human nature.

[juicyjessie]

That is the law in UK. Pretty well defined what is rape and what is consent. It is as simple as that here. No means no. Yes means yes, until a girl changes her mind and says no more! Anything else is not consent.

[Dargil]

@juicyjessie That is why we have juries and not simple directed verdicts. Otherwise there would be no test to determine her truthfulness. And look for unintended consequences in how men manage relationships. One lie can ruin a career. That's part of the reason why the hookup culture is emerging. You can legislate out "implied consent" but a jury can see through it.

[juicyjessie]

Same here. Trial by jury. The guidelines are there, though. Consent is agreement. Anything else is not consent.

[Dargil]

@juicyjessie I think out points have been made. The law is clear, but juries can decide how and when to apply it.

[Gatman34]

Nope

[Irishman41]

You said no and he did it anyway. Save the sheets and go t ok hospital

[OpenWine]

if you do something that stupid it's hard for you to clasify it as something you didn't want.

if you wanna close the door for someone don't leave it slightly open

[COMMODOREII]

Yes i would say that.

[scooogy]

Anything sexual done despite denial can be seen as rape.

[rockrewls]

Non consensual, not good.

[Anonymous]

Technically, yes it was rape. But before you go reporting it and getting him thrown in jail and destroying his life, ask yourself if you set him up for it.

[Anonymous]

Probably, but when you play with fire, expect to get burnt!

[Anonymous]

Is classified rape anything that is done beyond your consent. You said no sex and he kept pushing eventually forcing you into something you wasn't sure about. So yes it was rape.