Now I feel violated, I haven't felt like this in the couple of years we were married. Is it rape?
Hard to tell because there is your consent in between, given in a way that doesn't let him understand a firm "no" but more like "I'm not in the mood", so he thought he was going to put you in the mood in this way, probably.
The result is anyway that you feel violated like if you have been raped, though.
It's kind of like if you self-raped yourself, somehow, by not communicating to your husband what you were actually feeling.
This thing that you didn't tell him how you were feeling for real (and you still aren't telling him you feel violated, isn't it?) makes me think that you have a really terrible communication in your couple, complete lack of trust, and that he uses to not respect you in general, so that's why you feel intimidated, correct?
If that is the situation you got then he probably knows that he can do whatever he wants with you and ignore any signal of your wills because you would anyway submit to whatever he does, and so, maybe he knew you would have been available to have sex if he just forced it. That would be an aspect that is more similar to rape, in fact, because he would know you are intimidated and not worth respecting so much.
If all this assumption is correct then you trapped yourself in a risky marriage that doesn't give you what a marriage (or a relationship) is meant for and you may consider to take action over this (bigger) mistake you made of marrying him, at some point.
But before that, you must stop him, regardless, because this time you "confirmed" him this is the way you like it and that he can expect to do it again and that he will be welcomed. So he must be informed, otherwise he won't randomly guess it by himself or start respecting you more all of a sudden, if he is of "this sort".
But if that assumption is not the case, and you trust each other in a normal way and he respects you normally, then all you have to do is to tell him about how you felt violated and how you made a mistake in accepting to do something you didn't want to. He will feel worried and a bit guilty, will apologize etc. Then you request him to be less pushy the next time because other than feeling violated it didn't arouse you at all (I assume) and that gave you a poor sexual "service" overall. A "normal" husband would typically try to do anything to please his wife sexually because that arouses him too a lot, so if you give him indications about what you like and don't like, it's just a welcomed gift.
I don't know this seems complicated. You did say no but more in 'I'm not in the mood' which I guess is also no but for the other person this may just seem like you need more encouraging. He told you to take your pants off and you did? This dynamic is weird, you clearly weren't comfortable so there's some non-consensual aspect to this but I don't think he knew? Worth talking about though
Really? this sounds really fucked up. 1) you didn't say no. You didn't ask him to stop. So no, it isn't rape. You can't blame your husband or any guy for not being able to read your mind. Why didn't you just tell him no? 2) how is this any different then a quickie? When I was married, my wife offered quickies any time she really didn't feel like the whole shabang. I rarely took her up on it, as i felt bad she really wouldn't get anything out of it. But sometimes I did. Basically it was just me pumping away trying to cum quickly. It was kind of a relief sometimes as I didn't have to worry about finishing too fast, since that was the whole goal.
The difference is that in a quickie there is consent. I didn't ask about your personal life but it's disturbing that you voluntary admit you used her like a doll. If you needed to cum that badly why not just use your hands?
Never once did we do a quickie where she didn't offer. I think it is way more disturbing to accuse someone of rape when you didn't once say no. That is fucked up. Her view was she enjoyed the closeness of the act, while not wanting the whole production. So, since you are a coward that can't post under a made up name, you should really go fonk yourself.
My girlfriend told me she was horny. I said I had work to do and didn't want to have sex then. She stripped naked in front of me, turned around, bent over and shook her ass and said "fuck me now or lose me forever". I of course did as she asked. But now I feel violated. Did she rape me?
The answer is obviously no, because I changed my mind, just like you did. I took my own clothes off, just like you did. I had sex without resisting, just like you did.
Please stop making rape into a joke. Questions like this one delegitimize the experiences of victims of REAL rape.
Maybe rape isn't the right word but according to Healthline "What Does Sexual Coercion Look Like?" (just Google it), threatening to dump you is a form of sexual coercion. We victims need to stand up for each other, not put each other down.
We "victims" need to keep it real. You and I both had the opportunity to say no and not have sex, but we both CHOSE to have sex of our own accord. Did she "sexually coerce" me by getting naked in front of me and shaking her ass? Seriously? Come on. I 100% support actual victims of actual rape. But you are no victim of anyone but yourself. Please stop turning rape into a joke.
She coerced you by saying she'd break up with you if you refused. Maybe men feel differently about it I won't say why.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Where I live, it is very likely that the justice system considers it is
I think based on how you feel it is a sign of problems and him not considering your feelings enough, but I do not think it is rape, this is kind of a complicated situation since in many situations, many women including me like being told what to do like this. But you both need to see it the same way and from what you said, you do not. So I think you need to talk about that and if you can't get to the point where you see it the same, there is a problem. JMO!
Leaving everything else to the side and only answering the question asked.
"I wasn't comfortable but I complied and we had sex..."
Not rape. Other issues but not rape.
Did he force you to do somethng? Did he threaten you with physical harm? Did he display a weapon?
He told you what he wanted to do and you agreed to do it. Perhaps tha was a mistake by you and now you regret it, but you consented. Rape is forcing someone to have sex without their consent. The fact that u feel bad doesn't convert this into rape.
He didn’t force you. You didn’t stand by the no. He said take off your pants, and you did. Did he force you? Did he hold you down? Did you push him away and he kept doing it? Did you tell him you’re not taking off your pants and he did it by force? No. So it’s not rape. At most, he was being a bit pushy, but it’s not rape.
You took your pants off and let him..
I thought so too 🙈
Taking my pants off isn't consent
Aside from being an asshole, you've shown him that he's allowed.
100% yes this is rape. You literally told him you were in the mood
Weren't**
That's why many people don't take marital rape seriously, you has taken off your pants.
People are just firing the word "rape" nowadays. No, you weren't raped, you were disrespected.
He had a desired, you didn't feel like it, he continued anyway so you complied. That's far from raping, but it is a sign of a toxic personality of him.
No, because you complied.
You may not have felt liking doing it, but you agreed to it, so it's not rape.
With marriage. It’s really hard to tell. I do think husband can rape their wives or vice versa don’t get me wrong.
Maybe you need to have a talk about boundaries. If you really feel violated go to the police.
A wife can't commit rape though, the law specifically says it requires a penis. "The legal definition of rape is when a person intentionally penetrates another's vagina, anus or mouth with a penis, without the other person's consent."
Women can rape or sodomize men. If you have sex without consent irs rape. But okay
If you feel you were raped go to the police. But that’s pretty sexist and women have been arrested and successfully prosecuted for it. I assume there is male rape victims out there who have not reported the crime. Even if by legal definition on your area doesn’t classify it as rape. I’m sure there is some law violation because that’s disgusting
It's duty.
In one way, no, because you didn't stand by your "no" and refuse to screw him, also, he didn't FORCE YOU to screw him, on the other yes. You DID tell him no, and that should've been good enough for him!
So should the police and judge decide?
I kinda have a feeling they'll decide against you. See if you can talk to a lawyer and see what they say about it. There might be some kind of "Ask a lawyer" web site.
If it comes to that you didn't have a meaningful and lasting relationship.
No you werent
I agree with @summeroflove, Marriage its hard to tell but the COMPLIED to sex gives me vibes you consented to having sex rather then he forced him on you.
Yeah I kind of feel the same way
You complied, which goes against the concept of being forced or in some situations coerced. Had you said a firm "no, I don't want sex now, I don't want you inside me" when he commanded you to remove your pants, and he forced himself on you after that, you have a case especially if you kept fighting. You did what millions of women do all the time - give in to your husband after a mild objection and then feel like he disrespected you, which he did.
in my opinion rape is forced
you're just a pushover with no boundaries 🤷♂️
of course you find yourself in a situation with a person that walks all over you
It's sound more like coercion, because he didn't actually force you, but if it were me, I'd make sure he knew that I wouldn't tolerate that a second time.
Isn't coercion still rape?
Well technically you consented but only after coercion. If you would have said no, stop etc. and he kept going without your consent it would have been rape. That’s usually how sexual assault laws are defined in the U. S. They do sometimes very by state though.
Is coercion punishable by law? Jail-time?
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