Was I sexually assaulted? I feel that by definition, I was. But I feel ashamed because I feel I wasn't assertive enough?

Question

I'm afraid to tell people because I'm afraid they'll blame me.

I was talking to this guy and I was infatuated with him. I told him that I am waiting till marriage to have sex and he said he understood and we could do other things.

The second time we hung out, it was at his house. When I got there, he started fingering me. I was laying down and he was kind of hovering over me and kissing me. Then, I felt his finger pull out and I felt something else and I asked him if it was his penis and he paused and then said "Yeah" and I told him to take it out. I pulled it out with my hand but he put it right back in and I told him I only wanted him to finger me. But he ignored me and started moving it in and out saying it was just the tip. I told him stop and he said "I don't wanna" and when I tried to pull it back out, he grabbed my wrists and put them together and held them above my head and kept going. He eventually stopped and I tried to just get over it. After I left, I texted him saying that I want him to understand that no means no and he just said "ok."

CrystalChild · Accepted Answer

You were plenty assertive, although some women just freeze up and do nothing at all. I really hope you call the cops on him because he is a rapist. If it hasn't happened too long ago, go get a medical exam. SAVE YOUR TEXTS. You want to prove that he did assault you. I'd try saying, "you put your penis in me when I specifically said I was only comfortable with a finger." hopefully he'll respond. Maybe "it's no big deal" or "I'm sorry". That was you can prosecute. It's important people like this are caught and treated for their sickness. He raped you and he'll probably find, if he already hasn't, other girls and rape them. Rape isn't sexual it's a sickness and he needs help. I'm sorry this happened to you, I know too many friends, girls and boys, who get sexually assaulted. It's one of the worst crimes. I hope you have enough strength to fight back. You are not even 1% responsible for this. Good luck, much love

AriadneSky · Accepted Answer

he raped you. he doesn't need to understand no means no. he knows no means no. he dopes not care. he needs to be held accountable for what he's already done. its not your fault he raped you but i think you're way too easy on him after the fact./ why should you get over it? so he can just do it again to someone else/ he's in the wrong not you. if you're not going to press charges at least let women know he's a rapist. wouldn't you have appreciated knowing in advance?

WhereIsMyMind · Accepted Answer

He forcefully put your wrists above your head and continued even though you were protesting for him to stop, but he kept thrusting. He raped you and no it's not your fault, he didn't respect your wishes and even when you told him "no means no" he replied moodily and abruptly with "ok."
He sounds like scum. Not only should you stop seeing this pig but you should also report him to the police, because he did rape you.

Indiana_Gould · Accepted Answer

That isn't just sexual assault, that is rape, you didn't give consent but he kept going. This dude has no respect for you and has thought with his penis

Smarter · Accepted Answer

you better just stay away from him he does not respect you.

WonderWoman411 · Answer

yeah hunni that is rape. im sorry this happened to you. do not feel ashamed. he should have stopped whether you whispered or screamed.

SovereignessofVamps · Answer

Nope it's not about you not being assertive. Tell everyone and get revenge asker. He's the one who should be ashamed.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Ever heard of date rape? Google it

beautifulangel76 · Answer

Yes you were. It's not your fault. You said no and tried to get away but he still took advantage of you. You should have him reported.

nomoreusernames · Answer

Just because u weren't assertive enough doesn't mean u were assaulted. Yea u probably could have been more asssertive but that wouldn't necessarily fix anything

lukazervaki · Answer

fuck that dude. could not you find a better guy?

scooogy · Answer

I know how that feels like...

elizabeththequeen · Answer

Girl, go as soon you can to somebody you can trust, the police, a good friend,.. and tell them this. That guy did things you didn't wanted to do and that is assault. Girl, i am so sorry you had to experience that.. that must be terrible. And if he was really sorry he shouldn't just have replied ok? If he really was sorry he should have explained himself and at least apolize in person... fuck him!