Was it really r*pe if it wasn't really violent?

3 or 4 years ago when i was 18 i was in magaluf and went back to this guys house where i knew we would have sex and wanted to do that. once there we drank lots more with some of his friends who were there (4 other guys). i had already taken ketamine and was pretty drunk. one of the friends picked me up like bear hugged me and took me next door and turned the lights off - him and the 4 others all has sex with me but i dont know how to feel about it. i did pass out briefly during it. i know i was drunk and shoudnt have gone home with a stranger, they didn't hit me or punch me but were touching/holding my body. i didn't scream or even say no probably as i was shocked and kept having d*cks put in my mouth. so from their point if view i never said no so I don't know how im meant to react?
Updates:
+1 y
forgot to add as its causing confusion i remember saying i want to stop but they said that i was doing so well and laughed and carried on
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  • Definitely rape and violent, 4 men plus one and you're intoxicated,.. rape. Not ok

    • Even though she knowingly went there when she knew that sex was going to happen?

    • @Twalli to the room by Bear hug doesn't necessarily mean she consented. Not only that after having penises put into a mouth and passing out, yeah that's not consensual sex

  • It doesn't have to be violent to be rape. If your were drunk & passed out you couldn't give consent so it was definitely rape.

  • if you didn't want it, why did you not inform them that you're not consenting? like if they assume you want it, then it's not rape.

    • i mean i understand that it must suck for you if this happened against your will... but an overwhelming majority of these so called "rape cases" seem to simply be a case of female inability to communicate sexual desire or lack thereof properly. like if you don't want sex with them, you say stop i don't want this and push them away. not just say a half assed no and then just continue. because in the heat of the moment things aren't so easy to distinguish for guys. because most guys that do want sex with you will not like to stop. they wan to continue. but i'm convinced they also don't wanna rape you. they want it to be for you too. so i feel like there's a need for inproved communication there. like they need to know that what they are doing isn't what you want.

  • That is rape and any guy who would do that to a passed out girl is disgusting.

  • It's rape. It doesn't matter if you wanted to have sex initially. You have the right to take your consent away at any moment during sex.

  • Rape has nothing to do with violence necessarily, but rather about non-consensual sex. You can pass out drunk or be drugged and then raped too, with no typical violence other than the rape itself, which you wouldn't be aware of at the time most likely.

  • Rape is defined by force or violent. It defined by a lack of consent. You did not consent to have sex and stated telling the to stop. It was rape.

  • Rape is a unwanted sexually physical act and be held against there will. It doesn't matter if they was or not being violent and you was being held against your will and didn't want it it's rape. To me it sounds you was not raped even though you was drunk but you didn't try to do anything to not have do something physically sexual and you was expecting sex anyways.

  • It's rape whenever the woman says that it was. 50% of judges are women who will support other woman no matter what they did or said and the 50% of male judges are married and look at the world through love goggles. #BelieveAllWomen

  • So you knew you would get banged by the one guy, you just didn’t know it was going to be 4? Or 5 total? First you said you kept your mouth shut and didn’t say anything because you were having dicks jammed in your mouth. Then you updated and said you said you wanted to stop?
    And how was everything afterwards? Ever talk again? Texts? Did you question it from the start?

    • no i didn't know them so didn't have contact

  • Approximately one-half of all sexual assault victims report that they were drinking alcohol at the time of the assault, with estimates ranging from 30 to 79% - this is not to say that victims are to blame for the assault, as it is NEVER the victim's fault.

    You were drunk. It's rape

  • If you never gave any indication that you didn't want it, it's not rape. You don't have to actually say no, you just have to give some indication you didn't want it. Since you knew you were going to be having sex and wanted it, you consented at that point. In other words, you said "yes". Since you never withdrew consent verbally or physically, it isn't rape.

    • As per your update, as soon as you expressed your desire to stop, any sex after that was rape, but none of the sex before.

  • If you dont say stop then its not really rape.

  • since you don't mention anywhere that you gave any indication at all that you had an objection then there is absolutely no rape. Every time people have sex they don't expressly stop in the middle of foreplay to do a gut check. Maybe they were more intoxicated than you and you are the rapist? By the definition of you didn't expressly give consent, 99% of the world is a rapist

  • if you did not say no or tell them to stop then it is not rape. If you said to stop and they did not then it might be rape but it will be hard to prove since you did not say stop in the beginning and new you would be having sex when you went there.

  • Not rape, since you fully expected to have sex and wanted it to happen. Everything was in place but written consent. Maybe there was some poor judgement on your part, but that poor judgement probably began when you decided to holiday in Magaluf, which is basically a knocking shop for randy youths.

  • Violence or intensity of the sex is irrelevant when determining if it was rape.

  • was it a fantasy that you always thought about? From the way you describe it, I think you enjoyed being controlled and used, that is OK, A lot of people enjoy it. Do not feel guilty and do not try to blame others... relax and enjoy the memories and feelings, it is OK...

  • no it was not rape.

  • If you said stop then it's rape that's called date rape I'm so sorry that happened too you

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