Was this guy who I am friends with benefits telling me he doesn't want to be friends with benefits? Should I keep dating the new guy?

I've been friends with benefits with this guy for over a year now. We don't see each other a lot like me used to. Because he works a lot (he's an electrician). Recently I told him I went on a date with a guy and that I was thinking about going on another date with him. And he said it's ok for me to date and that I should do things that don't involve him. Because I deserve to be happy and that I shouldn't limit myself. I asked him if he was saying he didn't want to see me anymore. And he said that wasn't what he was saying. He also said that if I started having sex with someone else. To let him know that he and I would just be friends without the sex. He then made a comment about how he knew he could get me back if it were to happen.

I've been on two dates with the other guy. I think he's nice but I know he and I aren't sexually compatible. Because he doesn't like the same things that I like sexually. He even told me that he wouldn't do certain things that I like (which are things I enjoy with the first guy). He wants to go out again and I don't mind going out with him. But I'm not really into him physically should I keep going out with him?

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  • This is a tricky situation. On one hand, the friends with benefits guy was saying you should explore other options and not limit yourself, which kind of sounds like he's open to you seeing other dudes casually too.

    But then he also threw in that comment about "getting you back" if you had sex with someone else. So part of him may still want to keep you on the hook even if he can't commit either, if you know what I mean.

    As for the new guy, if you're already not feeling the physical chemistry after a couple dates, I wouldn't force it. Sexual compatibility is important, and it doesn't seem like he's gonna satisfy you in that department.

    If it was me, I'd probably be up front with friends with benefits dude, like "Hey just letting you know I slept with that other guy, we should be just friends like you said." See how he really feels about it then.

    And also let the new dude know nicely that you don't see a long-term potential there. No point leading him on if your body ain't feeling it, feel me?

    Then you can keep your options open without any blurred lines or confusion. Just do you and have fun, that's my advice!

    • The friends with benefits mentioned that it was ok if I see other men and that I shouldn't limit myself and explore other options. Because I told him I had gone out with another guy. He didn't just say you should date other men and explore other options out of the blue. I thought I made that clear before.

    • You're right, thanks for the clarification. Given that context, it does seem like the friends with benefits was responding directly to you mentioning going out with another guy, rather than bringing it up unprompted. In that case, his reaction does come across as more like he's putting some distance between you two and opening the door for your arrangement to naturally end. Even though he said it wouldn't be saying he didn't want to see you anymore, his encouragement for you to explore other options is a fairly clear sign he's pulling back from the benefits part of your dynamic. The fact that he brought up how things would change to just being friends if you started being physically intimate with someone else also suggests to me he's adjusting expectations and boundaries now. He may still want to keep you on the backburner in case things don't work out elsewhere, but it sounds like he's trying to shift you both towards friendship without the physical side going forward. Given your acknowledgement of lack of sexual compatibility with the new guy, I'd say focus your energy on seeing if this friends with benefits really does just want to be friends or if there's still a possibility of casually seeing each other. But be prepared that he may have emotionally checked out of that part of the relationship already based on his responses when you mentioned the date. Clear communication with him is still your best bet.

    • He said he and I would stop having sex and just be friends without the sex IF I started having sex with a new guy or if I got into a relationship. So I'm not sure why you're saying he's preparing to shift anything. When I clearly stated what he said. If I have sex with another guy or get into a relationship with someone else then yes we would stop seeing each other. He told me if dating made me happy it was ok for me to do it. And that I shouldn't limit myself. But when I asked him if he was saying he didn't wan to see me anymore he said that wasn't what he was saying.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you should find a guy who likes sex as much as you and have sex whenever you both want to fuck. You have to be satisfied with the guy and his ability to give you many orgasms.

    • @candykanelove Thank you for the Like

    • Most women don't have orgasms from sex though.

    • All the women I have been have multiple orgasms, through my fingers, tongue and cock

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 4
  • You have to make clear that this can only be a friendship...

  • Do what you want, it's YOUR life

  • There's no future with the new guy. Better stop now than when he is into you and you will inevitably break up

  • Its friends with benefits so forget it and start new one again, why its big deal?