Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
The Aziz Ansari controversy seems particularly explosive in that it isn't as cut and dry as many of the other high profile sexual assault instances. In the context of this website, I think it is a particularly interesting situation to dissect, because it is an issue that's been talked about many, many times by women on here.
I think the issue really comes down to this--why aren't men more "respectful" of women these days? And, is there a legitimate way to destabilize the power balance so that it's not so one sided in favor of being a man? But it's not about power it's just common sense, you say. Well, I'd disagree. Aziz never forced to have sex, technically, based on her account in which she never verbally protested to what he was doing to the point where he kept going anyway. Yes, he'd "try again" minutes later, but he never simply ignored her and took advantage of her body while she protested and fought him. This is a very grey area that I know a lot of men struggle with both young and old. They think of hooking up like a game and in a game you have to progress levels, use strategies, and ultimately "win" through persistence and skill. Compassion doesn't occur to them until it's too late and yet I would argue that most of these men would feel awful if they could in fact realize it from the woman's perspective.
But to the point of this being about power. Let's play devils advocate and say that basically he did nothing wrong and women are just pissed with the fact that so many guys are only interested in them for sex. That, in a sense, Aziz rejected this woman the minute he made her meet him at his place instead of picking her up at hers like a gentleman. The meetup location, the rushed dinner, the first kiss to oral sex switchup, the obnoxious pointing to his dick until she sucked it, it all was really just one message over and over again: that she was not worthy of being anything but a hookup to him. And, that hurt her understandably. And, that hurts a lot of women understandably.
Her account of what happened with Aziz is not revenge porn, but I don't think it's target is to dismantle sexual assault as much as it is to destabilize men's power on dating. It's to stop guys not from being rapists (rape really isn't at the core of the issue in this case) but from basically being jerks. It's about telling men that it hurts to be rejected in this way. And, in this way, it's a very helpful account because it's bringing attention to us all that pressuring a girl who likes you and wants to be treated like a potential girlfriend like a girl you just want to have sex with is a form of rejection thats more emotionally harmful than physically harmful.
Aziz may lose his career not for being a rapist but for being a "typical guy" as she herself noted in her account. He's being embarrassed and networks may not want to take the chance betting that knowing this about Aziz is going to make you not want to watch him so they may just pull the plug on his work to be safe. And, in a sense, we men should feel embarrassed for acting this way. He should have been upfront.
He should have made it clear that his intention was just to hook up with her. There seems to have been nothing in their prior conversations to make it actually clear that she wanted to hookup, instead he knew she liked him and that he stood a reasonable chance of taking advantage of that fact to get what he wanted from her.
Bringing it back to the topic of us men, we need to look hard at this outdated system of "if i wine and dine her and be nice to her I can try to have sex with her." Yes, if she is making it clear she wants to have sex because you have such an instant connection then yes by all means but taking a girl for dinner doesn't mean you get to try to have sex with her and pressure her (even softly) if she's wanting to take things slower and get to know you. Trust me I get it--a lot of times the girl just isn't hot enough to warrant being your girlfriend in your opinion and you don't want to take things slow and let her get to know you, you'd rather just ditch her. But, clearly what women are saying to us with this account is that it's better to ditch them early on in the date than to try to later at the end of the date pressure them for sex they clearly don't want yet...
Oh, and as an aside that has nothing to do with the above, him performing oral on her after the first kiss is just bad sex no matter what kind of relationship it is.
What Girls & Guys Said
19 39That's why it' always better to avoid the younger crowd... they are impulsive and irrational for the most part
One minute she's probably excited to be with a celebrity and the next gets an emotional apiphany of how she doesn't want sex anymore and acts super submissive and silent about it --> but I bet she wasn't like that when she got his attention in the first place
If only u didn’t block me...
OMGGG IT WORKED 😭😭😭 I wanted to say that this mytake is 👍
😳 what i do for 7 downvotes
Maybe you have pissed off some people on gag outside of this post 😅
@SnapTsch
Me recounting all the incidents I’ve pissed people off on here
media.tenor.com/.../tenor.gif
He's an ass and she's an idiot.
Who is Aziz Ansari?
the funny guy from the TV show Parks & Rec
I read the original post on Babe and the subsequent messages. Opinion is clearly divided - some in support of this woman, some in support of Aziz Ansari... and those who think the article itself is misandry in its ugliest form.
For me, the story reads like this. Woman meets celeb, woman fancies celeb, celeb fancies fan... they flirt, make out, take photos (some of which are in the original article), get undressed... then he goes too fast and ruins the ambience. She has second thoughts, but continues anyway (even Babe points out she went down on him more than once...). When she finally leaves, she feels rotten and tells him. He is mortified and apologises. This is a typical night out for many singletons, and that should have been the end of it.
This woman asks the online community if she can consider herself a victim of an atrocious act of aggression. No she can't. All he was guilty of, was being a complete disappointment in real life (compared to the character he plays in one of his shows; something she herself admits was a factor in her doing the chasing). She chased him. She wasn't forced into going to the apartment. She could have left. She could have told him she had changed her mind (rather than wait till she left to text him of her discomfort). But instead she wrote an article on her experience, and posted it online. It smacks of entrapment. Had he turned out to be a stud muffin, she wouldn't be writing in to complain about it. Or maybe she would have; kiss and tell stories can get you a tidy sum from the tabloids.
Not everyone is Don Juan or Belle De Jour every day. Like it or not, bad sex (or failure to perform on the night) is par for the course. Sometimes one of you rushes it. Sometimes the man can't get it up (or ejaculates prematurely). Sometimes the woman can't get aroused. Maybe someone says something that kills the mood. We've all had to deal with disappointing sex at some point. If this became a crime, almost every sexually active adult on the planet would be guilty.
i mean i believe he pressured her but he didn't force her and i think thats at the core of the issue. is it harassment to pressure someone? its a grey area i just don't think guys need to walk anymore
Pressure is perfectly fine and no crime. If she has some feels about it, it is her problem and her responsibility to voice them. That's the problem with today's entitled princesses... life is delivered on a silver platter to them and they are so pampered and put on a pedestal that they are unfit for life and can't even form coherent thoughts of what they want or don't want.
To be honest, I've never liked Aziz. I don't think he's funny. He's loud, annoying, not insightful, generally obnoxious and quite creepy... but I don't want this to be how his career ends.
In that situation, Aziz pushed the boundaries way too far, and he created a situation where the girl couldn't really refuse him. He had her consent, but it was under duress. I think the dude should be lampooned for the faux-feminist-asshole he is, but technically... he did have consent.
Duress?
@0112358 Yes. It's when you basically pressure someone to do what you want them to do by making it so that it would be either illogical or otherwise dangerous to do something else. Think of one of those crime movies where they point the gun at the hostage and tell them to answer the phone and act like everything is okay.
Did he threaten her at gunpoint? Was he her boss? As soon as she clearly refused, he backed off, suggested they watch TV instead, and called her a cab after. Your definition of "duress" must be different from mine.
@Lightspeed-Lemon reread the story. He continued to make moves on her after she refused. The guy didn't need a gun, he's a celebrity, and he had her one on one in his house. He had social power.
Social power to what? What do you imagine she was threatened with, apart from losing the opportunity to steer the date where she hoped it would go?
@0112358 She told her story anonymously, so use your imagination. I am more focused on physical aspect. The average woman has about as good a chance of winning in a fight with the average man, as the average man has of winning a fight against a Linebacker. Even if he didn't threaten her, he could force himself on her and she wouldn't have been able to do much to stop it.
To refuse, one has to say "No". It's not hard. But by her own account, she mumbled things, acted cold, and gave other "nonverbal cues", hoping he'd get the hint. But that can be mistaken for token resistance. The saying is "No means no!" It's not "Mumbling means no" or "Acting mildly disinterested means no". Celebrities don't have Jedi powers of mind control. This woman was free to walk away at any time but chose not to exercise her agency. She went back to his place, hung out naked, gave him oral twice... hard to believe he'd interpret all that as an invitation to get sexual, right? SMH. Aziz seems skeevy but at least he took some responsibility, which is more than we can say for her.
So no woman should ever be alone with a man because of what he MIGHT do? And everything a man says to a woman comes across as an order she has to follow or else? Lol! Plus, have you seen Aziz Ansari, he looks about as physically intimidating as Pee-wee Herman.
@Lightspeed-Lemon Dude... Just no... I respect that your opinion is your opinion... but no...
Coerced meaning to use force or persuasion in order to get what you want.
Your claim is that though he didn’t do anything to physically threaten her, the fact he’s male makes him automatically threatening. If you believe that, it means women can’t be alone with men, ever, because simply being in that position is a scenario where they lose all agency out of fear.
If I was a celebrity or public figure I would make the woman sign a waiver before entering my apartment which states that I could do whatever the fuck I want with her.
Basically ask if a girl wants to fuck instead of presuming and learn how to read people.
Seems like sound everyday advice for anyone.
And yet it goes unheeded
I've fooled around with guys like that before and it is annoying to say the least. You (as a guy) are more likely to get some action if you take it at my pace rather than rush things and freak me out. And sometimes I dont want to do things I have done in the past or maybe the guy doesn't. Honestly it is just all about having a mutual respect for one another and knowing when to stop.
Yeah like I said at the end he completely skipped for play rushed dinner this kind of get to the point mindset is Not super sexy to a lot of women
Both need to be upfront with what they want. Nothing she presented demonstrates to me that she was raped. She regretted having sex and simply acted like it was okay.
Who is Aziz Ansari? Really, I have no clue. It sounds like he portrays himself one way but it's all lie. Sounds like he went down on a girl with her consent and she regretted it later, but she didn't stop him at the time? If he didn't force her to take off her jeans, skirt or dress, and she didn't say "no", and she didn't get up and leave, then she's consenting whether she initiates it or not. Same would be true in reverse. So, he's a douche bag and she's responsible for being a pushover and not stopping the advance. If she wanted it at the time, or didn't know "how" to say no out of fear of stopping him and the consequences if she did, that muddies the explanation, but it doesn't change the facts.
Let's be real, he basically raped her, she was just too timid to actually fight back.
They didn’t have sex. When she insisted they stop he got her a cab to get home. He never threatened her in any way. This is like claiming a guy who asks me to buy a car robbed me because he asked me to buy it.
@0112358 Silence is not consent, and a progressive, educated man, much less a hollywood celebrity, should have known better.
Consent to what exactly? They didn’t have sex. Her performing oral sex on him may have seemed like consent. Her sitting on his kitchen counter receiving oral probably seemed like consent. He repeatedly asked to have sex. She did not consent to sex. They didn’t have sex.
"RationalMale"... yeah... sure you are.
Hahahahahha! "Dating Etiquette". Please, there has been a dating etiquette for 15 years now. Hook-up culture is what we have now, and Aziz Ansari is a product of that culture. Of course he expected her to put out on a first date, because every other woman he'd taken out before her did. His fame and wealth helped, but it was loose women that really enabled him to act the way he did. And the girl he took out did not have to go back to his place with him. She chose to, and that set her up for everything that followed. What REALLY happened was she found out that hook-up culture sucks, and that fleeting, momentary pleasure of casual sex does not make up the dignity you lose when you choose to engage in it. The only one who violated this woman was the woman herself. She violated her own dignity and now she expects him to pay for it.
I never even liked that guy, but this makes me feel bad for him.
Guy is clumsy and stupid sexually girl is getting turned off, but does it anyway, but regrets it and screams rape.
If i was a celebrity of any kind i would never engage any woman im any way , let alone sexually.
If she wants to f*ck me, she better put a ring on it first.
Or maybe not, *cough amber heard *cough.
Women are like landmines to successful men.
Another reason to avoid publicity of any kind and avoid these sl*ts that seem to be dtf after the first date.
Its a trap!
I read about Aziz and think the whole "movement" is getting stupid.
Dudes are getting fired over accusations with no real follow through. After an investigation, the law found that he did rape/assault her, then he can be fired.
However, guys are getting fired over blanket accusations that could be false.
Aziz got head from a dumb chick, looking to exploit an actor.
This is why I don't fuck with White girls. They will invite you over, suck your dick and ride your cowgirl style all night, and come back the next day saying you raped her.
That does NOT compute.
What exactly does this guy do for a living?
I have never heard of this case. What did she accuse him of?
Before you can get into a girls pants, you have to get into her head. It's important to know what type of individual she is and what is her expectations. You need to know all of that before bringing her back to the crib. So talking and reading body language is of paramount importance, especially when you'retrying to get laid.
*Obvious it goes both ways
Yeah, and some directions surely wouldn't hurt, dont you agree? You can't expect to drive a car to a location if you dont know the f*cking way.
@lord_chilled I don't think you got what I'm saying.
I did and thats what i replied to. When you are trying to understand who she is and what she wants, her actually telling you these things surely would help wouldn't it? And by the way, you make it seem like women are children incapable of making decisions. If she doesn't know what she wants, why would she come to your crib? So maybe hold them accountable for their actions and dont encourage women to be so irresponsible.
@lord_chilled
us.v-cdn.net/.../n9wnp8warn7n.gif
I was speaking from a guy's perspective and at the end I noted "obviously it goes both ways" meaning women should do the exact same. So I am saying everyone should be accountable and be responsible.
I feel no sympathy for her.. What she is saying could never stand up to court. But she used the media to bash someone just because she didn't like him.. She could walk away at any point but instead she gave BJs and claimed that she didn't want to do that. This is as bad as revenge porn.. She is using a platform that she knows has many feminists in it that will back up anything against a man.. i could give more arguments of how wrong she is, but that would be too long to write.
I dont really like Aziz but all This proves is how weak women really are. You can't even speak up when you don't want sex? You never should have been given the right to vote.
red piller alert
I had an experience with the girl I’m currently dating right now that pertains to this topic. We get back to her place and after making out a little, we go back to her bedroom. Everything seemed to be going well until she said out of desperation “I’m a virgin, I’m on my period” as I was reaching for her underwear. I was no longer in the moment and instantly became concerned for her because I took those words as her not being ready for this. It turns out she wasn’t really into to it at all and she said she just went along with it because she thought it was something I wanted to do. As she continued to tell me over text how that night upset her, I became frustrated because I felt it all could’ve been avoided if she had just spoken up about it earlier instead of just going through the motions. Also because I never wanted her to feel like she was obligated to do something. She would end up not speaking to me for a few months but eventually reached back out and we started dating again, still are to this day.
But one thing I made clear to her after we reconnected; that thing between us can’t happen again. I told her all guys aren’t like me and care for your well being. If we end up not being together and you eventually see other guys, make it clear for the start you have no interest in partaking in sex because things may not end the way you want. She understood completely and I think that made her fall for me harder because of how much I cared for her safety.
I get it ladies, a lot of you are beings of subtleties, indirectness, body language, etc. When it comes to anything sexually related especially dealing with a guy that isn’t your boyfriend/husband for the sake of your safety/well being don’t be this way, it’s not worth it.
https://youtu.be/y4bAULTwAJU