What could be the reason for my boyfriend not wanting sex?

Hello.

Boyfriend and I been together for 3 years, in the first like 1-1,5 years we were quite shy and inexperienced, so our fun sex life only began one and a half year ago, which means we are not bored of each other and still try new and exciting stuff in bed. We usually had sex around 15-20 times a month in that past one and a half years. This month, for 2 weeks, he was injured so sex was obviously less frequent. The past week we had a stressful event that made us quit like 6 days again. When I tried to approach him after 6 days, right after having a shower, he told me to get dressed now, we should do it later because he is tired. I thought that he would be excited to have sex after such a sh***y month. Later that day he came to me and after we were done, I told him it was not a chore, which he replied to by saying 'i didn't want to skip this day too, also I wanted it'. Like, what? He didn't want to skip this day? As I said, it shouldn't be a chore, and before this month, it was not. He used to approach me as I said 4-5 times a week. Even the first week of the month went like normal. I didn't change, Im still well maintained.

I tried to be an active listener, asking him to explain how males work, but he only says 'there are times like this, thats all' which is not enough of an explanation. Can you guys explain? What reasons could there be?

0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Hmm that is weird. A few things that could be going on:

    - Stress - that stressful event you mentioned could really be getting to him mentally and affecting his libido. Guys can lose interest when life gets overwhelming.

    - Self-esteem issues - maybe he's feeling insecure or down about himself for some reason and isn't feeling as sexual. Even small things can do it to guys sometimes.

    - Tiredness - you said he mentioned being tired. Maybe work/life has just drained him more lately and he's not having as much energy for sex.

    - Porn/masturbating too much - when guys get into a habit of taking care of themselves, it can lower their drive for actual sex sometimes.

    - Physical issue - I know he just got injured, but other health problems like low testosterone could be a factor too.

    - Bored with routine - after 3 years, things can get repetitive. Maybe he wants to try spicing it up somehow.

    I'd just give him some space, see if his drive comes back on its own when things settle down. But you might also try doing something new together in the bedroom once he's feeling less stressed. A change-up could re-ignite that spark. His reasons seem normal for guys, so don't stress, but talking more could help you understand each other better.

    • The only one I can cross out is porn, at the moment he is not using any for his own reasons. However, any one can be true from your list, thank you

    • You're welcome. Since porn isn't an issue, my next guesses would be stress or depression then. Those can both for sure make a dude not be as gung-ho about sex. The injury and stressful stuff that's happened probably has him down in the dumps a bit. A few things you could try - give him a massage and try to help him unwind and relax. Do his favorite activities together just to take his mind off things for a bit. Tell him you're there if he wants to vent about what's been bothering him. Guys don't always want to open up, but it helps. Making his favorite meal could boost his mood too. Leave love notes around for him to find with cute stuff like how sexy you think he is. Getting his confidence back up might help in the bedroom. Don't take it personally either - I'm sure it has nothing to do with not being attracted to you anymore. He's probably just feeling off lately. Be patient and keep showing him love. Hopefully with time and you supporting him through this rough patch, things will bounce back. Keep me posted!

Most Helpful Guy

  • He may have stuff on his mind or is stressed. How old is he? While I'm still kinda new to sex I could see where things can go up and down sexually with regard to frequency. Do you think he is masturbating more or too much?

    • He doesn't masturbate at all. The last year he did it like once a month. He is 25

    • A guy who masturbates only once a month is kinda weird... almost all guys do it way more often

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

0 5
  • It could be stress. I went through a period right after my wedding where I couldn’t get an erection for months. Talk to him and ask him to open up to you.

  • You should use stockings and pantyhose to be sexy. In addition you should use sexy toys such as vibrators

  • Looks like he is not interested in you sexually anymore. But it can change during the time.

    • It happened in a week?

    • Why not? It doesn’t take long to lose interest.

    • But like why? I am above average, people used to tease me saying I look like a famous pornstar (Im not gonna say who, but Im sure 1 out of 5 porn watching guy know about this one). There is also depth in our relationship, heading towards engagement, so I dont get how this happens

  • may be you are unattractive to him now

  • So, he was tired and rejected sex one time and then later tried (like he said he wanted to do) to have sex with you? And this means he doesn't want to have sex with you? You sound like a headache.

    • "How do males work" we are human and get tired. Sometimes we aren't in the mood. It's really annoying when you turn down sex one time and your girl starts accusing you of being gay or thinking it means we think she's ugly or something.

    • Over that week period he was the one that said no every time, and I didn't nag him about it, so I hoped he would want it at the end of the week. At first he didn't say he wanted to, but that he didn't want to skip

    • The man was injured and then you said you BOTH were stressed and didn't weren't in the mood. "At first he didn't say he wanted to" he tried to initiate sex, he probably misspoke when he used the word "skip". Its also possible that he didn't want to skip because women always make it a big deal when we aren't in the mood for sex.

    • Show All