What counts as lesbian 'sex'?

Question

When two girls are sexual with one another, how do they draw the line on whether they actually had sex or just 'did stuff', for them what's the difference between sex and foreplay?

When it comes to straight or male couples it's more obvious. Once penis penetrates vagina/anus, that's when actual intercourse has started. Anything else is fooling around or maybe foreplay. So if you're both girls how can you definitively say you've gone, 'all the way'.
I guess in that case it's more subjective, and different couples could have their own personal definitions of what they count, but I'd like to hear all your opinions anyway?

Laura_Marx · Accepted Answer

There is more or less no actual line. The heterosexual prioritization of PIV sex is a problem, honestly, and lesbians have never felt obligated to create an analogue. There has never been a point in a lesbian relationship where I've been like, 'oh woah, we did a Serious sex act', y'know? It's a silly thing!

(FYI, I'm a trans woman and - since we're in the 'sexual behaviour' category I don't mind disclosing this - haven't had GRS. We could, theoretically, consider it the same way str8s do, with one act being 'sex' and the rest being non-sex sexual acts, considering we have fitting "parts", but we don't, because we're lesbians, and lesbians just don't *work* that way)

So I guess my answer is: str8s will have sex once and feel that they have gone all the way. But lesbians know we have never gone as far as we could go, into the world of Each Other. ufuufuff~

(PS. at the time Baudelaire was writing 'fleurs de mal', which was originally to be titled 'the lesbians', lesbians were seen as being exceptionally sinful, because we could never have sex with a man and therefore have our desire fully completed, which was how PIV sex was understood at that time, it was thought that our desire was contantly rising, that we were constantly desiring each other more and more, in constantly accelerated sin - this is more or less 100% correct)

DivineDaj · Accepted Answer

Honestly it's up to you. Being eaten out or fingered is oral sex and foreplay. Anything else you make that call. If you consider it sex then hey it is what it is 😊

Allebana · Accepted Answer

oral sex, if you go down on her or she goes down on you it's sex anything else could be considered foreplay or just masturbation, in my opinion

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You're not supposed to bring up the fact that what lesbians consider sex, the rest of us consider foreplay because their sex is just as valid and their sex is really awesome because they're not focused on penetration and instead take the time to really pleasure each other and those studies suggesting lesbians have less sex than any other couples are bullshit and its quality over quantity anyway etc. etc.

ksoma · Accepted Answer

While, heterosexually, a handjob or a blowjob might be seen as "sexual activity" but not "sex," because lesbians don't have a phallus for actual sex, I would consider any sexual encounter, where one intentionally uses her own body to bring the other to orgasm, especially if that orgasm is reciprocated, is close enough to count as sex.

Xfitchick · Answer

When it starts getting intimite. When you penetrate the vagina with whatever means, it is sex and you loose virginity.

Berethor · Answer

There is no clear line, because "lesbian sex" is nothing in comparison to sex with a penis. :)

Zendrya · Answer

I think it is dependent on the couple. I would be inclined to say oral personally. Sex is whatever you want it to be.

Dargil · Answer

Only guessing. The main event for lesbian sex is oral sex and its cousin, 69. I've seen Trib in porn but i understand it to be just theatrics.

Jayded1 · Answer

I've always kind of wondered this myself. I am a bit odd in my kinks in that I enjoy receiving and giving oral sex more then I like intercourse. So I've found women who feel the same sometimes we can be intimate for a while before we have intercourse. Some women considering us to have had sex after we made each other orgasm, others do not until intercourse. Personally I consider oral given and received to be sex, so I assume it is the same for lesbians? I have no idea, haha