What do you do when you're just "not feeling it" during sex (especially with a FWB/ONS)?

[aicarg]

Ladies, have you ever been in that position (pun intended!) where you're in the middle of a sex session but you're just not feeling it? - What do you generally do?

Gents, what would you expect/want the lady to do?

A several friends and I were talking about this when a coworker had brought it up that men physically CAN'T continue if they aren't feeling it. Can't have sex without a boner! A man can go soft during penetration, it happens. So, in this sense, men are [spared] to stop if they're "not feeling it". But when a lady isn't feeling it, she has that option of faking it or to stop altogether - although the guy usually gets frustrated and generally takes it as an insult. And as my friend had put it, the following question is usually,
"why did you lead me on if you don't want it?".

So sure sex is a two way act, but should she really fake it just to please the guy (especially if it's with a ONS - One Night Stand?) Cause for women it's sometimes different, our arousal happens (or doesn't) DURING the act. Whereas men, they get aroused visually and more quicker.

Personally, I've ever only stopped sex completely when the position was hurting me (my leg cramped, he was hitting my cervix...) or I was emotionally distressed and upset (may it be something I'm personally going through or an unresolved situation that isn't making me feel intimate towards him) - and my boyfriend would always, no questions asked, stop to check up on me. But I've never stopped mid way cause I wasn't "sexually feeling it", if something isn't working out midway through our sexy play, I'd switch it up to get some pleasure out of it so we can both get off - but then again, I've always engaged in sex with a lover and never had a ONS/FWB.

[Katerina_Belle]

I’m guilty of faking it and going along with it. Both times was with a friends with benefits and I didn’t quite know how to say no if I’m honest and I still don’t for that matter.

Is it wrong for me to say no halfway through do you think? Or is it wrong for me to continue? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll be honest I didn’t feel great about myself after going along with it, I was at a low point as it was and was making wrong decisions.

I don’t think I’ll engage in anymore hookups/fwbs. So for the future it’ll be easier to say no, but I’m also a giver intimately, so I know I’ll do something to help him finish off rather than turning the lights out and pulling the covers over myself 😂

[aicarg]

I totally get you... every situation is diffrent and one can't tell how one would react. Put the past behind you, I'm glad you gained something from it though as I feel it seems you know what you're looking for if it so happens that you come across a potential someone.

[Katerina_Belle]

That’s right I’m more aware of myself and what I’m looking for now :)

[Katerina_Belle]

Thank you for mho :)

[Oram52]

Can I ask if you didn't feel like it right from the start or things changed and you weren't into it in the middle.

[BusyLizzie321]

I used to fake it with my ex because at the beginning I would tell him when i wasn't feeling good and he would continue and try again till it was better, not accepting it just wasn't the time, so faking it at the time meant it was over faster.

Now, I won't. Sometimes I stop feeling it and will tell him before we get too far in, and if it wasn't great I tell him at the end and same goes with him and me, it means we can try things differently or go back to what works... or sometimes it is emotional (so something was bothering me one time, so sex wasn't helping and instead we cuddled and talked about it)

[Danny_dan92]

This has only happened to me mid having sex because the girl got dry.
😕 (dehydrated)

But in between rounds it’s not a problem for me cause I usually just need a few minutes before my nuts have reloaded and are ready to fire again

It is during this time where I’m either eating her out or am making out with her while fingering her

[DizzyDesii]

Friggin hawt

[Danny_dan92]

How is that hot? Isn’t that basic?

[DizzyDesii]

I care more about fingering and making out then the sex 😂🤷‍♀️

[Danny_dan92]

Damn. Well that’s a first! 😳

[Danny_dan92]

I don’t blame you tho. I personally feel like those two are much more Intimate Personal And passionate Compared to sex

[DizzyDesii]

Yes exactly 🙌

[TremorJay]

I hate being lied to. It sucks to hear that she's not enjoying it in the moment, but it sucks more to find it out later. It makes me feel gross, like I've done something shouldn't have. It's sad to think that she was afraid to speak up, and that makes me feel even worse. I'm not a monster, I don't want to be scary.

[TremorJay]

Well maybe it's good to be a little bit scary, but my point is that I try very hard to be someone that is willing to listen and back off, and it hurts to be treated like I'm someone else. Maybe us guys can do more to check-in. However, I do feel like we are judged as insecure or having low self-esteem if we have to ask questions like, "does it feel good?" I think what women really want is for us to sense how she is feeling. It's not unreasonable, but it does take practice, and everyone is different.

[aicarg]

Very good point you made, and I think that's what my coworker/friend had meant, with a FWB/ONS, there really is not much of an emotional connection so the guys she ends up with don't really read into her cues when she's not feeling it... and she hates to bring it up as she dosen't want to fall into blame. But then again I told her, with two consenting adults, I'd imagine they can be mature enough to make the most out of a sex session... and if not, it's a "thank you next" mindset for her anyways. But yeah, in a committed relationship, it plays out differently where both should be in tune with eachother. Cause sex shouldn't simply be emotionless or senseless - both should equally enjoy eachother. 🙂

[TremorJay]

Yeah, it does take a certain level of maturity to push past the awkwardness. Good point there as well. Ultimately, there's an expectation for the entire experience of a ONS that isn't being met. A more experienced & mature person will be able to recognize if that expectation is realistic or not. So I think it would be good to shift our perspective towards the idea that we're all learning, and we're allowed to make mistakes. Something about American culture teaches us that life can be like a fairytale, if you just do everything right, but that's so clearly not the case. (It's 1am and I'm wide awake because I decided to go straight back to bed after work) #livingmybestlife

[aicarg]

We are ever so changing, and its through past experiences and situations, and how we respond and learn from them that matures us. Perhaps it was from my first heartbreak, being cheated on then going through with a rebound that put it all into perspective that I don't like that lifestyle and made me know how to pick my guys more wisely. (And it's okay, was up till about 2:30am though sleep deprived and wanting to sleep - it's now 6:30am... my sleep cycle is messed - tis the lifestyle of a nurse)

[TremorJay]

Thank you for your service 🙏🏼 I can almost say I know exactly what you mean, because I've had the same experiences in dating. Of course there's more to the story, but I could've said the same thing and only traded the word guys for girls

[DizzyDesii]

Let my eyes roll back til its over

[aicarg]

lol, your eyes still roll back even though you aren't enjoying yourself?

[DizzyDesii]

Yea cause im half sleep

[aicarg]

LMAO oh Desi 😂

[AzureGirl]

I usually just tell him and we figure out something for him. It’s happened quite a few times.

[melanieeeB]

I would honestly just say it, but I do have a high sex drive and that has never happened to me. Until now i either just didn't feel like it before sex and well also there just directly told him that it's not going to happen, due to whatever

[Agape93]

I stop.

[archiz]

I stop if I am not feeling it or I just don't feel comfortable enough.
I don't care if I offend him, in this situation my well being is important than his/her.
Why should I put him/her before me?

[Oram52]

It depends on the situation I guess. But if she's not feeling it I'd feel like an ahole if she felt she had to.

But if she didn't feel like it why go through with it? Why not be honest and upfront from the start. However if it happens in the middle that is unfortunate, doesn't mean I wouldn't be frustrated.

This part is what I don't like, "he's gunna have to deal with his own frustration by using his hand"--- Imagine if things were reversed she would at least want some consideration, she is frustrated and horny. She'd at least desire I give her oral or finger her just to finish her off. But if I said I'm sorry go finish yourself off I'd be an ahole? So why not be considerate of each other and at least try something to help your FWB/ONS. Least she can offer is handjob herself. But I guess ideal would be to find a way both can get pleasure. Its not really pleasurable if I just get myself off (if she went ahead with it), just feels like masturbating. Its never happened to me though, I don't think its much common in ONS, obviously if you want to shag you want to shag. In friends with benefits I suppose it can happen but obviously as a norm you'd know if your friends with benefits is in or not otherwise you wouldn't travel 40 min to get there. But shit happens. If she's not feeling it I'd respect ii simple as that even if unhappy or frustrated.

[Oram52]

Where is that park by the way in your profile, lovely place.

[aicarg]

@oram52 that picture was taken at the hotel I stayed at in Vietnam earlier this year before the lockdown.

[chriscdi]

nah but if you ain't feelin it, you ain't feelin it, just end it and leave

[coffeewithcream]

If I fell asleep in the middle of sex I'm sure she'd wake me up.
Unless she had a cramp and is glad I stopped.
:)
That's all I could think of for my contribution.

[Anonymous]

i think you forgot to wear a bra in your profile pic

[Anonymous]

I stop it

[Anonymous]

If I’ve not started then I’d say I’m not feeling it and do something else (blowjob) but if I’m in the middle of it and I’m no longer feeling it, I just carry on because I know he’s enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it with a girl whom I wouldn't find attractive. So instead of stopping I would find a compromise (like eating her out or fingering her).