Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
The word "virgin" always stirs discussion on this site. There are those who want to retain a claim to virgin status despite some sexual experiences, and there are those who are very eager to tell those people that they are no longer virgins. And there are usually disagreements. I suppose the reason this question is important is that many (certainly not all) people - at least in my culture - as children are taught that retaining your virginity until marriage is important. By contrast, non-virgins are less worthy, less deserving of attention and respect, and have generally brought some shame upon themselves. However, most of us lose our virginity long before we get married, so there is much hypocrisy in this issue!
This question is usually asked without the asker defining "virgin," presumably because we all KNOW what "virgin" means . . . right? I know what a virgin is, and so do you, and so does the next guy . . . but we don't all mean the same thing. So let's consider some of the possible definitions.
1. "A virgin is a girl who has an intact hymen." There are several problems with this definition.
a. It totally omits the possibility of a boy being a virgin.
b. It stigmatizes those girls who are born without a hymen, or with a partially perforated hymen, or who had their hymen torn in an accident, or who were sexually assaulted.
c. It rewards girls who are sexually active and who later have hymenorrhaphy to "restore" them to virgin status.
d. A girl could be the blow job queen of the village, well known by every man and boy for miles in every direction but, if she had not yet had PIV sex, she would be classified as a virgin.
2. "A virgin is someone, male or female, who has not yet had PIV sex."
a. Again, a girl could be the blow job queen of the village but, if she had not yet had PIV sex, she would be classified as a virgin.
b. Lesbians who never had sex with a male would be virgins their entire lives.
c. Homosexuals who never had sex with a female would be virgins their entire lives.
d. The rape victim is not a virgin.
3. "A virgin is someone who has not had an orgasm as a result of sexual interaction with another person."
a. Under this definition, if the village blow job queen always gives oral sex but never receives any sexual stimulation in return, then she is still a virgin.
b. Anyone who tried but failed to reach orgasm with a partner would still be a virgin. There are people who go their entire lives without an orgasm although they routinely engage in sexual activity with partners. Would you call that person a virgin?
c. What about if your girlfriend gives you oral sex but doesn't finish you because . . . because she doesn't, like maybe she is scared or insecure? Are you still a virgin?
d. What about the rape victim? She (or he) is not a virgin under this definition.
4. "A virgin is someone who is innocent and naive about sexual matters." This definition isn't exactly the same as "child-like" but it's close.
a. This definition can apply to both boys and girls.
b. It does not stigmatize those girls who are born without a hymen, or with a partially perforated hymen, or who had their hymen torn in an accident. Whether you would call a rape victim a "virgin" under this definition is debatable (and I am NOT trying to be unkind to rape victims! However, under this definition, a rape victim would have some knowledge of sexual matters.)
c. The blow job queen is not considered a virgin under this definition.
d. Homosexuals and lesbians with sexual experience would not be considered virgins under this definition.
e. The problem with this definition is that sexual innocence is very difficult to define.
So, which definition should you use? Well, what is the reason why this issue is relevant? "Only virgins are worthy of marriage." (No, I don't believe that statement, but it is one of the justifications for making virgin status important.) The presence of a hymen does not insure that a girl has been chaste, and the absence of a hymen does not always mean that she has been sexually active.
If the importance of virginity is related to religious beliefs, that is not a very suitable occasion to be playing word games and hiding the truth. Would you really tell your religious leader, "Of course I'm a virgin, because anal sex doesn't count!?"
What is it about being a virgin that is so damned important that other people want to know whether you are a virgin? Is that a more important question?
What Girls & Guys Said
45 59The are two kinds of virgins. There's the kind that have never had physical intercourse, and there are the emotional virgins. They're the ones who get physical sex, but they've never indulged in emotional connectivity with someone else, like a guy who's only had sex with prostitutes.
Virginity is just some made up concept most likely originally for financial gain as that is basically how everything is created
Many women try to pass themselves off as virgins after months and years of giving BJ's and anal. There is always about a dozen virgin births each year because of messy anal.
But I have also seen religious guys try to pass themselves off as born-again virgins when they want to impress women in the church community. It's dumb.
I would say if the person had any form of sex, even handjobs, they are participating and learning how things work. The hymen is a low bar
To me personally it is a part of my self concept. The feeling of knowing you protected your body against all the odds and never actually had sexual intercourse once. I will be honest though depending on how you look at it you can argue I'm not a virgin since I've had someone jerk me off and I know in some sexual education classes they count that as losing your virginity but I personally consider that being curious but you don't actually want to have intercourse (I think it's a bit silly to consider yourself not a virgin after outercourse). Since I personally consider myself a virgin since my sexual experience was very limited I also consider myself to be asexual because of how strongly I feel about not wanting to have any sex including outer course and here's why. In my opinion I personally think sex is unnecessary because if you truly love someone you don't necessarily have to give them your body. The way I see it is if I truly love someone it's because we spend quality time together doing activities and getting to know each other through one on ones not because their body is attractive or they look physically attractive. So to me being a virgin gives me great pride since I'm an adult now and I fully understand what it means to be a virgin.
A virgin is someone who had and wanted sex with another person.
You know, the rest of us were actually wondering about that and now it's all cleared up! But. . . wait. . . did you actually read the post?
No not really... its to long lol
That's what I thought. EVERYONE knows that a virgin is someone who has not had sex with another person; really, did you think everyone else is THAT stupid? The question is "what constitutes having sex?" Oral sex? Giving guys hand jobs? Anal sex? It's am extended discussion on a topic a step ahead of where you were.
Being a virgin is a mental concept and a personal acknowledgment - it has nothing to do with a hymen or any other bodily consideration. The classic definition of someone that has yet to have sex is very loose only because so many people have differing opinions on intercourse.
If I sleep with a guy, it would be considered losing my virginity. What if I sleep with a girl? Does that count too?
I "lost" mine as an early teen to a much older, manipulative man - and it made me sick to think about for a long time. I didn't "give it" to him freely, so I don't consider it lost.
The first time I freely gave anything to anyone was with a long-time girlfriend. I consider her my first true sexual experience.
Look at things how you will, but virginity is a personal concept and should remain that way.
Other people will decide whether you meet their definition of virgin, regardless of your desire to make that decision for yourself.
@allieanswersthings I would say the first time u willingly give it is when u lose it
Okay so if a woman has never been penetrated in the anus or vagina then she is a “technical virgin” as virginity means you have had p in v or p in a sex. If a woman has had other sex acts then she is otherwise experienced. The typical traditional virgin is thought to be shy and timid and has no knowledge whatsoever of sexual things. She is completely untouched by any man and probably hasn’t even hugged any men outside her family and relatives.
Some cultures put a lot of importance on virgins and they’re seen as precious gems. Most girls I know are virgins. I mean traditional virgins in that they some haven’t even ever shook hands with men because of how traditional, timid and orthodox they are. Others are still virgins in that their hymens are uncorrupted but they’ve hugged, and maybe even kissed boys. The former are so traditional they haven’t even used tampons before and the latter have usually also not used tampons.
Virgins are revered in some groups and cultures and so people are more desirable if they’re virgins. All the virgin girls I know say they will not marry a boy who is not a virgin. Only it cannot be proven if he is lying however it can most of the time be proven if a girl is lying because in most cases a virgin will have moderate to severe pain in the first attempt of having sex and will usually bleed either a little or a lot. Pain can be mdieval depending on individual anatomy and hymenal thickness. For instance, in my family hymens run extremely thick. If I really stretch mine I can barely see a tiny hole and that hole is surrounded my thick hymenal which protrudes quite a bit too. Some people have it surgically excised however I will not be doing that. My family and relatives had it worn away the hard way and reported gushing blood for at least a week. Some needed antibiotics. It also took a few attempts to stop it being painful and completely stretch the hymen.
That does NOT sound like great fun!
A virgin is a woman who has not had penis in vagina or penis in anus. A male virgin is a guy who has not had his penis in a vagina or anus.
So if a woman has given a thousand blow jobs but never had PIV or PIA, then she is still a virgin, but a 7 year old girl who has been sexually assaulted by a cousin is not?
Sexual assault is not sex, it's rape and abuse. Sex is something that happens with permission. I consider any woman a virgin, until she allows a guy into her. Force doesn't take away virginity, in my estimation.
Genital to genital penetration (contact) , oral or touching doesn't count. That's always been my metrics. Thought it was universal.
Not even remotely universal.
I think you're a virgin woman if you never had penetration of something from another human's organs inside any of your organs including your mouth.
And a virgin man never penetrated any part of a woman.
This is why I am just not going to touch a man until I marry him, lmao. Ok I'm just kidding I still don't want to touch a man until I marry but that's not the reason.
I never even kissed a man but I am certainly not naive about sex necessarily. In fact, I try to learn as much about sex and eroticism as I can. By the definition of a virgin being innocent and naive about sex, that would make people like me even though we have never been intimate with another person solely because we know things. For people who genuinely appreciate and value saving for marriage like myself won't be happy with that idea.
If you had sex, you are no more virgin. Doesn't necessarily have to be PIV. Oral sex counts. There is definitely a grey area to this matter and I am okay with it, no need for a universal black-and-white definition of it.
The thing that it boils down to, innocence, is not that binary on its own either. Definitely someone who has exchanged a few nudes with a few people on the internet and someone who had sex with multiple people are BOTH not innocent, but they are on completely different levels. As long as you have a clear idea of what would you like for yourself and your partner you're all good.
Also gonna add that, in my opinion, you don't lose your virginity by pleasuring yourself. It only counts to me when there is a partner involved.
I agree with all of this. (And yes, I know a lot about sex as well.)
Also wanna point out why the innocence thing may have issues. What if a prostitute, especially a child, was forced into the business and eventually she becomes accustomed to that life to the point she can't sustain herself any other way or is aware of the discrimination she will face when she tries to become a part of normal society therefore she remains there even though she doesn't want to? Is she innocent or not?
Exaclly @cubstershura you can only lose your virginity if you perform any sexual activity with other individual ( s ). Kisses not included to virginity loss
I don't adhere to any definition and choose to allow others to define their own experiences, seeing as I am not the virgin police.
by the way, I'm most definitely not a virgin.
To me its someone who has not had sex, to someone else though that can mean a whole different thing. But the main idea that all the definitions and opinions have, is inexperience, purity, and lack of physical contact towards a person's body.
I'm both amused and horrified that people are making this big of a deal of virginity. It's really such a silly thing, mostly filled with fairy tales about romance and purity.
It's all hot garbage, of course. We lose dozens of virginities as part of growing up. Every new experience is virginity broken. Sex is just another experience.
Choosing to evade (reasonable) new experiences is closed-minded in my opinion. Human sexuality is complex enough without societal shaming and restraints. And this is where religion of course rears up and shames sexual behaviors and praises virgins. It's quite bizarre to a non-religious person.
It's a social construct, much like you said. This was very well put. Thank you for sharing.
To me, one is a virgin until they engage in penetrative consensual sex
It means she has not experienced PIV or PIA intercourse.
It doesn't mean anything. It's a made up concept that's so convoluted we can't even agree on what it is.
So the difference between this girl and a slut is something that we just invented in our heads?
Other than the fact that one is a child and the other is a woman? Yes. We can't agree on what makes or doesn't make someone a virgin because there is no actual, definitive difference between someone who has never had sex and someone who has.
The same can be said for every subjective evaluation which we make in life. You can't give me a definitive formula for defining a pretty girl but that doesn't mean there is no difference between a pretty girl and an ugly girl.
Well now we are getting into personal opinion. What one person considers ugly, someone else might see as attractive
And what would be the difference? Looks? Well we all look different. Symmetry? Some people are closer to it that others but none of us are symmetrical. There are differences between all humans on the planet, that's what makes us individuals, but beauty is a matter of individual taste, no objective fact
Exactly, and people have varying opinions on what they consider to be "sexual experience."
Yes, exactly! But we have no consensus on which sexual acts constitute "losing your virginity
This applies to both genders.
I've always thought of it as no voluntary sexual acts that include penetration. I have no opinion on anal as I find that gross and will never do it... so not thinking about that.
I still consider rape victims virgins and hymens, blah... born without, surgery or other things can break that, lousy definition and not valid.
Back to VOLUNTARY intercourse is how I've thought of it. You can give blowjobs and play around and get some sexual experience but still be a virgin. I had a girlfriend that said we can do anything but actual intercourse as she wanted to stay a virgin and have something to give her husband on their wedding night.
It is a mental aspect, if you have no idea what voluntary sexual intercourse feels like, your probably a virgin.
There is other aspects of you could be experiences and know how to give a great blow job, hand job or clitoral orgasm and still be a virgin.
There is experienced sexual and naïve. Virgin itself is that one definition but experienced sexually is another. One could be a virgin and experienced and one could be a non virgin and still have little idea how or what to do... say a one time thing and your relationship ended or decided not to do it again until marriage.
They are not the same thing.
If you ask people in any country they'll have opinions on these things. The fact is the term vicinity was pressed on to Women by some kind of agenda to keep them in check or to harass them in past centuries. The virginity is almost impossible to figure out because it doesn't exist. Yet most of the countries just don't admit these false gibberish just so that it'd change their whole life view🤷🏻♀️.