What If It Really Is What It Seems?

The one recurrent theme (other than penis size and rate me questions) here at G@G is "Does s/he like me." This question is followed by a litany of justifications that seem to cement, to the asker, that s/he really DOES like him or her. "He looked at me during lunch." "She talked to me at the store today."

What if it really is no more than it seems to be?

What if a guy looks at you because you happened to be in his line of sight or because your hair tie or shirt caught his attention? Does it have to be love? No, most of the time a look is just a look.

A girl saw you in the store and said hi. Is this any more than a polite response, an excited happiness at seeing someone she knows outside a normal venue (school, work)? No, sometimes polite is just polite.

We spend so much time caught up in non-existent cues that we miss the biggest clue of all. What does you GUT say?

If you text him over and over and he doesn't respond at all, he isn't playing some hard to get game. He is simply not interested. If you ask her out and she says no, repeatedly, or that she likes you as a friend...this isn't code. This is "no."

If you need to ask, question and analyze every move, chances are your gut is telling you something. You may not want to hear it, but it is telling you something. Follow your gut, not your heart. Follow your brain, not your wishes.

When is a look not a look? When it lingers and returns, casts up or down on meeting your eyes, is followed with a little smile or smoldering bedroom glance. When is polite not polite? When she lingers, not wanting your chance meeting to end or hints that she wants you to ask her out. There will be no question, no doubt, and your next G@G question should be, "I think s/he likes me, now what do I do next?" Not, "He said he likes my boots. Does he love me?" (answer, he likes your boots, probably doesn't mean squat).

In my many looooong years of existence I have been both heartbreaker and heartbroken. I have played games and had games played on me. But the overwhelming truth is, if I have to patch together a million small clues to make myself believe someone likes me then chances are, he doesn't. If my gut says yes...then chances are, he has some interest in me that I can possibly fuel into a fire.

Dating with dignity means moving on and finding someone new when you realize your friends with benefits meant it when he told you at the beginning that he didn't want a relationship, no matter how comfortable your situation seems to be now. Dating with dignity means believing her when she said she only wants you as a friend, no more than that. Listen, guys and girls, with your ears and your brain, not your heart.

If you are working this hard to justify someone else's feelings, you are simply working too hard for something that will most likely never evolve past what it is now.

As hard as it may be, fellow G@Gers, you may need to swallow your pride and fear and ask someone outright where you stand. But please, believe them when they tell you their answer. Don't justify his "sorry, already have a girl friend" with the way he fiddled with his collar when he said it, or how he looked away as if too sad to meet your eyes, or however your brain interprets his actions over his words.

Listen with your ears and your brain. It will hurt, but like a bandaid being pulled off quickly, the sting is fast and will fade. Pull that bandaid off slowly with a ton of excuses and the pain will continue.

Yeah, love hurts when only one is in love. There are songs written about this, wars waged and novels written.

If you can try to stop justifying every action as a sign that your love interest is interested in you, too, you will find life and love easier to deal with. How many hours did you spend today alone Googling "he winked at me, does he like me?" I thought so. Only because yeah, I have done it too.

Guessing and trying to decode the other sex is fun but it shouldn't be obsessive and it shouldn't hurt you more in the long run.

Sometimes, it simply is what it seems to be.

And that is my take.

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  • I agree. People do waaaay too much over analyzing. I think we all are victims of it. I think if we all just went and found out instead of just sitting wondering then it will make a world of a difference.

    I disagree with the friends with benefits part. Friends with benefits is still a relationship. Though I know what you meant. You mean exclusive relationship.

    Sometimes it's hard for people to accept things the way it is.

    • Absolutely. And even at my "advanced age" I fall victim to it as well. I recently got the guts to kick my unintentional friends with benefits to the curb and I feel fantastic. Instead of wondering if every action meant he wanted to be more, I saw it for what it was. I also knew it wasn't my thing personally, and rather than letting him hurt me any more (albeit unintentionally) I said enough. I actually expect to hear back from him, and hope my resolve holds strong. All I need to do is remember how hard this has been, and it should. :)

    • Yeah communication is important. If you are unhappy or unsure with what the other person wants then I believe you should be up front about it. I think humans have this natural disposition to want to hide things. Maybe we do this especially with people we care about because we don't want to hurt them. However, holding things back will just make for bigger problems in the future and the ending may be worst than if the person was up front about it from the beginning. Like a snowball. Not to say it's easy. I mean that's easier said than done. Congrats on having the courage, strength, and mindset to know what you want and not be afraid to communicate and express it. 😏

  • I wish I could have read this article a few weeks ago; it would have saved me from wasting a lot of time and energy on this guy.

    I agree with what you wrote, by the way.