What is maintenance sex and why would you indulge?

[Idntlikeher]

What is maintenance sex and why would you indulge just to please your other half.

I'm not interested in having sex with my partner unless she actually wants to have sex. Not just to please me.

She's lost her sex drive. That's fine by me. She's a busy lady with kids - work - maintaining a home.

She doesn't like that I masturbate frequently and would prefer I ask her for a sh*g

But I'm not interested in having sex with someone who is just going to lie there motionless and urge me to be quick.

What's your take on maintenance sex

[bamesjond0069]

"I'm not interested in having sex with my partner unless she actually wants to have sex. Not just to please me."

This is a fundamental misunderstanding of women's sexuality. Generally speaking, one aspect is the fact that, women who are aroused want to please a man OR when they are pleasing a man they become aroused. It works both ways often times.

If you tell a woman, "put my cock in your mouth" and then proceed to touch her in ways that you desire and then communicate that she is pleasing you... she will become aroused.

So it's nonsensical to not have sex with a willing woman because she's not aroused. You have a job buddy and that's to sexually stimulate her. It's not her job to go in another room and watch porn and masterbate and then come running in like hey now I'm ready. That's not a reasonable burden to put on a woman.

[Idntlikeher]

Thanks for your input. Appreciated.

[ArtemisSilver]

It's impossible to make an effort to maintain sexual intimacy in a long term relationship even during a cool spell. I don't think of it as much different than giving a shoulder rub, if one partner needs it, it's good for the other person to provide it so that everyone feels better.

You really don't want a sex starved partner getting bitter. That's when bad decisions and behaviors occur.

[ArtemisSilver]

*important, wtf autocorrect lol

[Angela_S]

My boyfriend (who I live with) has a much higher sex-drive than me, but our situation is slightly different because we do actually have good sex 3 or 4 times a week. But, he definitely needs more, and would ideally want to cum every day, at least once. I feel a bit funny about just lying there if I'm not in the mood (and he does too, so I know what you mean), but I agreed 3 years ago when we moved in, that I'd give him maintenance hand-jobs when I wasn't in the mood for sex. So if he's about to go an have his early-evening shower after work/dinner, if I know I'm not going to be in the mood for sex later I just tell him to remember to get a wank off me after he's got undressed, if he wants. It's like a few minutes work for my hand, which is no problem at all, and everyone's happy.

[Mmmariaxc]

I don’t know, have you tried turning her on instead of just asking for sex?

[Idntlikeher]

But I don't ask for sex 🫣

[Guy13]

We are different in that if she will lie there... or rollover at 3am... then I have found the gem of a lifetime. A 15 minute shag with no expectation on her part is Perfect ... for me that is.

[summiter]

While it is fun for one of you I prefer it when both parties are into it. Have you talked to her about it? It is ok to talk about sex after all.

[Anonymous]

Sex should never be like a chore.

As for your masturbation, you should act your age. It's time to grow up.

[Idntlikeher]

I'm looking positive input here, but thank you for your comment.