What makes a woman fuckable but not dateable?

I know some men like having women that they can just have sex with. But have no interest in dating them or even being seen with them. Is it all about looks?

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Superb Opinion

  • I can't answer this question without saying things that may come across as harsh or mean, but I'm really just being direct and telling the truth. WARNING: there are lots of generalizations here by necessity. Yes, a few exceptions always exist - that doesn't invalidate the rule, and systems are built based on the rule, not the exceptions.

    It seems that a LOT of women have a huge difficulty in separating men's sexual interest from their romantic/relationship interest, and SO MANY women believe, or at least behave as if, these are the same thing. They are not.

    Men's standards for who they will have sex with are relatively low:

    • Is she attractive enough to me?
    • Is she willing?
    • Is she mentally/emotionally unstable, aka psycho?
    • Is she single/unattached?

    For most men, if we get the right answers to these questions (and a small percentage of men will even skip one or both of the last two), then we'll bang her. But such women are only seen as "good for having casual sex with."

    Men's standards for who they will commit to in a relationship - much less marry/have children with, are much higher - EXCEPT among the lower class, who, as a rule, tend to have low morals and values across the board - yes, exceptions exist! But I'm largely talking about middle-class values here.

    For a serious relationship, men care about things that don't matter at all when choosing a casual sex partner, and most men are willing to accept a less physically-attractive woman in order to get the other things that we want, because the other characteristics are so important for a serious relationship that most men will not be as picky about looks.

    What are these things that men want for a serious relationship? I can give a general list, and of course, not all of these apply to all men (not all men want marriage or kids, for example), but a majority of men would likely agree with this list:

    • Youth (fertility is a real thing, and biology dictates that the best time for her to have kids is in her 20s). Obviously older men are more flexible, but youth is always desirable.
    • Looks/fitness. Most men want a woman who is reasonably fit (i. e., no fat chicks), and who looks nice. Most men aren't expecting Victoria's Secret models - we're more realistic than that, believe it or not.
    • Low body count. Women's ability to pair-bond gets destroyed if she sleeps around, and you cannot commit to a woman who isn't pair-bonded to you - that's a guarantee of future disaster. This is one of the most common ways a woman takes herself out of the "wife" category and is resigned to the "casual sex only" group.
    • No kids. Men do not want to deal with another man's kids - unless he's already a single father.
    • Friendly. Men want a woman who has a friendly, positive attitude. Loud Feminist types are "casual sex only" at best.
    • Feminine. The majority of men want a woman who strongly embraces her femininity. Masculine women are NOT attractive for relationships, even if she's very physically attractive. Guys will bang her plenty, but they won't wife her or commit to her.
    • Submissive. Most men, especially men with any success or ambition, expect to be the leader in the relationship, and expect his woman to submit to his leadership. This doesn't mean "slave", this means "happy to follow his lead."
    • Cooperative. Men overall want 3 things in life: food, sex, and PEACE. If she's not cooperative, then there will be constant fighting, and without peace, the relationship can't last. Smart men actively avoid women who are uncooperative.

    I mention once again that just because men will date you casually, or bang you, or want to bang you, doesn't mean they'll commit to you.

    • Very well said sir

    • Very good, sex author, how many books you have written,

    • I've written about 0.6 books. I should work on it more, but I have other things to do...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't say so, it could just be her personality. I met a girl about 10 years ago that. although she's not my cup of tea, relationship-wise, I probably would've had no problem fucking her, if she offered. She was a pretty nice girl, pretty, kinda cute but she was very overweight (not that that was a huge deterrent, all three of my ex's were at least on the chubby side) but, we went out to eat, one evening and her eating habits were less than stellar. I'm not picky about such things but, there IS a line and she crossed it a couple times. I have no issues with burping or farting, you HAVE to get rid of that excess air. but, I DON'T do either at the table!! At least, if I HAVE to burp, I do it with my mouth closed and make it as quiet as possible so it sounds no more than a slight "groan". This broad opened wide and belted it out across the table AND the food (pizza) that we were eating!! At one point, she also had a 2" long strand of onion hanging from her mouth as she talked to me! As in, it stayed there hitting her chin for at least 20 or 30 seconds before she did anything about it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I do understand the responses from individual men who say they are better than what your question suggests, but unfortunately there is a truth to your observation. Many men do approach sex quite casually, but other aspects of life involving women is not as inviting to them.

    It’s interesting that you also mention some men don’t even want to be seen with a particular woman, let alone dating her. I think this goes to show the impact of all the social pressures such men feel upon themselves. It’s an inconvenient truth, but looks are more important than people admit, and they drive most behavior (this is true for both sexes; even though, in the context of your question, it's men who fall into that category).

  • It's about personality, usually. So if she's hot but not compatible with him as friends, she's just an friends with benefits. Remember that a girlfriend or boyfriend is a FRIEND first and foremost. You need to get along like besties.

    However sometimes it can also be about looks. Some guys will only sleep with a girl they find attractive enough, but isn't their ideal type. Then, when their ideal type looks- wise comes along, she'll be more longterm for them.

    It really depends on the guy and the situation.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • There's no such thing if a woman is fuckable then she's desirable and if she desirable then she's fuckable you can't have one without the other not unless you just straight up using the girl which why would you do that and if you're talking about the guy that lives with you still then all I have to say if that's still going on then you must be one hell of a good fuck and he just does not want to leave it that I guess I wouldn't either but I would also become your boyfriend I would not leave you hanging like that especially if you're that good my gosh

    • You didn't understand the question. She was asking why guys will get into a committed relationship with some girls, but others they might bang, but would never be in a relationship with. Relationship attraction is very different from mere sexual attraction, at least for most men.

    • Okay yeah I understand that I get that I think I was looking at it as if I'm going to fuck you that means I'm going to date you and vice versa there's a lot of girls that are desirable but I'm not going to go there because of the drama and all the things that I don't like I mean I know girls that are straight up hot But I wouldn't even fuck them with your dick let alone my own and that would be just because she's beautiful and everything but the moment she opens her mouth she is ugly inside she is rude and I don't want to even put myself in that position to where I'd have to deal with it I think maybe what it is is I might have done that a couple times in my life and I think I learned my lesson

  • Some women are like of the scale crazy. Some are so hot and bitchy that they make your stomach turn. It is the personality that comes along with the girl. Every guy is different. I prefer feminine but a guy I played university futbol with has a very strong-willed woman. He is a very good player. I would never date his soon to be wife. Personality !!!

    Make sense?

  • It’s not necessarily the person, many people just want casual sex. Just bc so one only wants sex with someone doesn’t mean other people don’t want to date them, or that the person who only wants sex will want more with someone else. Casual sex is usually about being casual not about the person they are casual with.

  • Looks, personality and behavior make her fuckable. But I was never interested in hook ups. I wanted girlfriends and infatuation. So I wouldn't fuck anyone who wasn't dateable.

    I didn't have to want to marry them, though. I figured that marriage was a once in a lifetime thing; the most important decision I would ever make. So I went into relationships thinking that we would have to be a couple for a long time before knowing if we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

    Being in a relationship meant sex. Sexual compatibility is important when choosing a lift partner.

    So I had several girlfriends in my life that I didn't marry, but we had a great time while we were together.

  • no, its not all about looks, though that can help a lot, for girls I think, but men that is different, I think a lot of men see it as a vagina on legs, open the legs and you get the bounty

  • Let me make this 100 times easier. Just because a man is attracted to a woman physically, does not mean he wants to take her seriously. The reason why a man will take a woman seriously is if she shows potential to be a wife, and that's kinda rare nowadays.

    If a woman is not combative or disagreeable, and is nurturing, co-operative and agreeable with a low body count, then the man will want to commit. Take any of these away, and she falls of the "wife" category.

    Marriage to a woman is a privilege that is earned, not given. She needs to work for it, just like a man needs to work to get her number, and the work should not stop once she gets the ring.

    Hopefully that makes sense.

  • Hot body, terrible personality.

    What makes a woman fuckable but not dateable?
  • Usually its personality that makes her not dateable.

  • Looks play a role, for instance if she's fat a guy will pound her out, but not want to make her his girlfriend. Also if she has a promiscuous past (over 5 guys) most guys also wouldn't date her, but she could be fun for the occasional night.

  • Some one who is bitchy dirty lies to people to just have sex with you without having feelings doesn't respects you much only cares about what she needs always sucks attention and leave you dry never listens you fuck em and leave lmao

  • Looks but a squeaky voice. Ironically a “little girl voice” is a therapist flag sign of sexual abuse.

  • If they tolerate the sex but aren't into it.

  • Women that are more outwardly sexual, are typically sluts. When we are horny, we go for those girls because they are easy. Women that are more conservative, are the women we consider datable because we equate a lower body count with a higher success rate for long term commitment.

  • No it's not all about the looks, it's about who's willing to spread their legs and let them fuck them. If you want to be dating material then don't fuck the guy until you're dating.

  • No. You're alluding to "the neighbourhood hoe".

    These tend to be women who will "suck a bit of cock" or "give a quickie" to any guy (or girl) that will give them a baggie, or a few bucks.

    It's nothing to do with looks or relationships. Purely transactional. The only difference between an outright prostitute and hoe tends to be age and clientele. A hoe will usually be very young and dealing in teens she knows.

  • Hot but dumb.

  • Usually they are sexy one way or another and easy.. Good at sex and kind of a lunatic..

  • Her not being desirable for a relationship is often to do with her past (promiscuity or kids from someone else) and her age.

  • If she is a Karen.

  • You can have excellent chemistry with someone that has opposing views to yours. If you know dating them would be complete hell, and neither of you has anything better going on, why not enjoy life? Just keep the rules clear.

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