Sexual Relationships
+1 y

What makes men and women cheat? Can men actually stay loyal?

This was supposed to be an answer to a question, but it ended up being a bit long, so why not MyTake it. It seems a very important concept for people--both men and women--to understand, to me. How can you have a strong relationship if you don't know what motivates your significant other? And how can we avoid these extremely common fuck-ups?

In my relationship, my girlfriend's body is rocking. I know, I know. Another dog of a man talking about bodies first: what a piece of shit. But please indulge me a mere moment. My girlfriend's face could do with some upgrading. Really, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that my girlfriend's face is not particularly attractive.

But, my girlfriend still looks pretty, to me, most of the time [and she's very high level, Ivy League education, smart as all hell, and even funnier than that]. At the same time, if I took her face and compared it with some ultra models, I would ultimately have to admit (were I being truthful) that, yes, I am far more physically attracted to those supermodels than my girlfriend. If I met one of them, and they asked to do things with me--or otherwise implied it--would I have a difficult time resisting? You're damn straight. Any straight man would be tempted.

This is not what my girlfriend looks like [and yes she does: Alyssia Kent]
This is not what my girlfriend looks like [and yes she does: Alyssia Kent]

This establishes many men will be/have sometimes been attracted to women outside of their relationship.

At the same time, my girlfriend is extremely attracted to some rockstars. And this idea is common in relationships, especially from the female side. These ideas of "Celebrity exceptions". As in, "It's not cheating if I meet this super famous person and fuck him." Why? Why only super famous people? Why not simply someone you're extraordinarily attracted to? What is the deal with the specification of celebrities tied specifically with high social status?

Ronnie Radke from Falling in Reverse (great band; fantastically talented singer)
Ronnie Radke from Falling in Reverse (great band; fantastically talented singer)

For this, we have to ask the question: What are women attracted to? I believe we can probably agree that rockstars [or other popular artists] are up there for women. Throwing panties on stage, going ballistic, right. So, in other words, this claim is, "If I meet someone who arouses me far more than you, it is only natural that I sleep with him. This should be understandable to you, so let's make this deal--it probably won't happen, but hey, if it does, you can't blame me for sleeping with such a high level, popular, famous man." And, come on, we can probably say it's a lot less likely for a non-celebrity man to find a celebrity woman to sleep with, generally, right? I would say so, so this means this deal is specifically for the woman's sexual pleasure, more so than for the man.

This establishes many women will be/have sometimes been attracted to men outside of their relationship.

However, in my opinion, something exists in women that doesn't exist in the same way in men. And that is as a relationship goes on, she becomes more and more bonded to him (hopefully, and if things go well). As she becomes more bonded to him, her desire for different men as a correlation coefficient goes down. So, to my girlfriend, I become more valuable than a rockstar, due to our history. She wouldn't want to lose me for a simple fuck [of course, what if she got the high-level fuck AND ALSO got to keep me? That's an incentive for cheating].

What makes men and women cheat? Can men actually stay loyal?

There are two reasons women cheat.

1: Lack of integrity. This is thinking "I deserve to have sex with this guy, and if I get preggers, my boyfriend will take care of really popular genes."

2. Their needs aren't being met. In this instance, their man is simply not giving her something she needs, and she ends up finding a way to get it or gives in at a point when her relationship is weak--largely due to the man's lack of focus on her.

Now. When it comes to men, that history/bonding switch doesn't seem to turn on. Our bodies are still animalistically drawn towards "health and fertility". So, that 23 year old supermodel is going to be excessively desirable, throughout a man's relationship. His penis specifically (which does have a mind of its own) upon the correct stimulus (opportunity to have sex/seeing attractive women) will desire sex with them.

This is also not what my girlfriend looks like. Xenia Tchoumi
This is also not what my girlfriend looks like. Xenia Tchoumi

My girlfriend and I's relationship is quite strong. However....in the gym, around these smoking, piping, ridiculously hot women in the city, I find it TREMENDOUSLY difficult to not look at their tight clothes, splayed out cleavage, and booty shorts, squatting in the squat rack. I try extremely hard for my girlfriends sake (we go together) and to simply show respect to the women (who don't really do the inverse, given them showing off their bodies negatively impacts me, in this way, and you see plenty of other women in comfortable enough workout clothing).

Chicks like this in the gym, for real.
Chicks like this in the gym, for real.

And ladies, I know a lot of you really hate this message. You hate those pretty bitches who think they're the shit--they probably don't even have a brain cell or a personality. You hate those worthless asshole men who are only after bodies. You want a man who thinks you are the shizznit. You're the bees knees. You are the best in the world. But, I'm sorry, you're not. And guys, you aren't either. I'm definitely not. There is always someone better. But, we don't need to find someone perfect. All we need to do is find someone who is perfect for us. I mean this as a hopeful message, not as an inditement of human nature; but, I suppose it has to be on some level. We do not mate for life. We simply don't, most of us. We will have on average 10 sexual partners and a lot of relationships across our life, if we work hard. And, we need to know how each other ticks to make it last as long as we can.

So, concluding, yes, there are men who are loyal, women whose men treat them with equal measures of respect and excitement and makes them happy. However, the type of man who can stay loyal is the type of man with a strong enough force of will--and the desire--to stay true to his loved one--the ability to resist his natural compulsions. And if you ask me, there aren't too many of those. At the same time, the woman--if she wants to keep this man--needs to understand his nature. But more than understanding, she has to ACCEPT his nature and do what she can to keep him invested in the relationship, as well.

And, the type of woman who will stay loyal is one who has integrity and one who can communicate with her man in the proper way, at the proper time what needs aren't being met.

WOW! You made it this far? You really are a special one. Good job, and thank you for reading! I hope I was of some service, and at least not 100% of what I said sounded like absolute bullshit. :D

3 6

Most Helpful Guys

  • "Their needs aren't being met" -- No, this is just a cop out that week willed people use as an excuse. It's easier for a coward to cheat than to say what the problem is, give the other person a chance to fix it and then WALK OUT if it's not fixed. It takes effort and backbone to do this stuff. Even if you only half half of a backbone you won't be a cheater.

    As far as your girlfriend's face.. I've pointed out on GAG several times that if you look at pictures of Miss America contestants form 1900 almost all of those women had meh or worse faces by modern standards. But they had 100% fit bodies. That tells me two things: 1. The modern idea of how a woman's face should look was created by mass media (photo advertising, movies, tv). For the rest of human history men did not care about her face if the rest of her was good... 2. Having a totally fit body used to be common and what 99.9% of women had. And in that environment, having that body wasn't even special. What would have been special would've been her personality/character. These people from the old days were light years ahead of us when it came to knowing what was valuable and what wasn't and most people today don't even comprehend it. Re-program your mind to stop judging your woman's face based on mass media.

    • I suppose I didn't make my argument well enough. Fundamentally, women prefer to follow. If you have a leader and a follow, the leader is responsible for everything the follower does. That's the nature of leadership. If you have a CEO in a company, he will get the shit for one of his underlings doing something wrong. In essence, if his employees aren't functioning on the proper level, that is his responsibility and fault. That's how it works in the business world, no? So, for follower type personalities (which are mostly women, but, of course, not entirely), if you blame the leader for not creating an environment in which the follower can fully function. This is doubly true for, say, a dom/sub relationship. The dom takes responsibility for the sub's actions entirely. Traditional vanilla relationships have significant overlap in this area; and, if you ask me, relationship structures which namely rely on a dominant leader tend to be more functional than ones in which power is equally split. But that's a whole 'nother argument. At the same time, if you have shitty followers, naturally, they will have to take responsibility if they do something outrageous. But even then, say a high up "vouches" for this person, then they fuck up... that means they both fucked up and they both bear responsibility. But, depending on the power dynamics of the relationship, it can often be said that the man fucked up, so the woman cheated. He didn't understand the needs of his woman, and so the woman acted out. P. S. Dr. Manhattan--great movie.

    • As for face, I think that's quite bullshit. Human males can largely agree on which faces are attractive. You can correct for culture and geolocation, as well. Same concept as lighter skin tones being unilaterally viewed as more attractive on a historical setting. India, China, Japan, naturally America/UK, etc. This bland bullshit of "Society makes us think women should be attractive, when in actuality a woman weighing 600 pounds with cheeto dust in her cleavage is just as attractive as the gym-pounding hella-hot top 1% genes chick" Yeah, that's just bullshit my man. And you know it. I'd also caution deifying the past. Those are also the people who beat their wives or thought that those damn niggers needed to stick to their own kind. Idealizing the past is an easy and fundamental issue to make. I'll look into what you said about 1900 Miss America contestants, though. However, don't you think it's possible that the quality of women has simply been raised over the years? Or, understandings of what is fundamentally attractive to humans in addition to massive information sharing could have also led to a more refined understanding of beauty? Potato tomato. That's a deep conversation, but say it is simply "society engineered me to think only 'these' faces are attractive." What am I supposed to do with that? It leaves me in the same situation, bro.

    • I've made the argument in my own MyTakes that every relationship does have a leader & a follower even if the person who thinks they're in an "equal" relationship doesn't comprehend it. Yes, of course relationships are better with a leader - I would agree on that. What some people also get hung up on is thinking 1 person has to make all the decisions. Actually one could be a leader in one area and not in another. The leader can delegate. Eh, most people don't get it tho and want to argue about how they're in a poly relationship where nobody leads. I've asked such people: then what will you do if the majority of people in your group vote to jump off a cliff? Suddenly they start talking about how they don't think voting is such a good idea anymore. Anyhow... "As for face, I think that's quite bullshit. Human males can largely agree on which faces are attractive". Yes. Plus or minus 1 point on the 10 point scale. But I'd argue that's because we were all programmed to judge the same way. "Or, understandings of what is fundamentally attractive to humans in addition to massive information sharing could have also led to a more refined understanding of beauty?" Well, clearly what would happen is that people would group women's looks into categories. Then claim that the rarer looks are more valuable than the more common looks. But that valuation has nothing to do with what she means to you. It's no different than me telling you that one car is worth $50k and another is worth $100 but the only difference between the two cars is the shape of the hood. There's also women you might say look perfect, but in their own country they're considered average or below. Obviously there's no universal objective measure. You and I just happened to have grown up under one system of brainwashing.

    • Show All

  • Women cheat on men who do not earn their respect or lead them. Having firm boundaries and taking the lead is the best way to not get cheated on. Thats why all these wimpy ass betas get cheated on left and right. Women don't want a man they don't respects kids so badly they will try to get pregnant by alpha men.

    Men cheat because they are men. The more aggressive, dominant, successful, good looking, high value a man is the more likely he will cheat. Period.

    Men also cheat because they feel like a loser. A man whose girl shows him up all the time making him look bad will do it for revenge and to assert himself as still having control that he doesn't actually have.

    • Gold diggers tend to cheat a lot too.

    • @nelly83 They are the ones who cheat the most.

    • Agreed. You have a good framework and understanding of humanz.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • This type of mentality proves that not everyone gets wiser as they age.
    Of course men and women could resist cheating and lusting. You can find someone attractive and not lust after them, you can also get the opportunity to sleep with someone outside of your relationship however resist sleeping with them. If you simply cannot stop yourself from cheating you need to seek help and it shows that you simply lack self control.

    It's not your spouse's/ significant other"s fault that you made the decision to cheat, if are unhappy in a relationship just leave, if you are not content with the person you're in a relationship with just leave (especially when they are maintaining and keeping themselves in the exact same way you've met them and the only thing that your spouse cannot control is aging you also can't even control aging).

    Every person who want to live a wild Bachelor or Bachelorette life should not be in serious relationships and should have the common curtsy to inform those you are dating on what kind of relationship they should expect when getting with you, stop breaking hearts and wasting people's time.

    Cheating is a sign of narcissism lack of self-control and selfishness. Yes all that you wrote was absolute bs.

    • Could countries resist killing and pillaging? Could soldiers resist raping and skewering babies? Why is there a 50-60% divorce rate, if what you say is true? Fundamentally, it seems to me like you're simply dwelling in some make-believe fairy tale where everything is perfect. Where nothing bad has happened ever, because humans are perfect creatures. To me, that shows that you've never seen the darkness of humanity. Or, if nothing else, you compartmentalize it and pretend, "Those are monsters, not humans." But the monsters are the humans, little lady. And if you don't know you're a monster, well, the monster inside of you will surprise you one day. I mean... Also, you said everything I wrote was absolute BS, right after saying cheating is a sign of a lack of self-control and "selfishness". I said it was a lack of integrity and self-control...

    • No sorry man, almost everyone agrees, you’re a divider.

    • The divorce rate isn’t 50-60%!!! 🙄

    • Show All

  • I can't believe you said that about your girlfriend, that's horrible... you don't even find your own girl attractive and judge her like that? Well damn, I'm glad I'm not dating you.

    I'm not a cheater, so I don't really understand the mindset behind it. However, while I've been in toxic relationships (only types of relationships I've been in where guys would emotionally abuse me and actually cheat on me), no matter how bad I got or how hot another guy was, I wouldn't cheat on them and I wouldn't have sexual attraction towards anyone. Of course they could be beautiful, they could be handsome, but there's a difference between lusting over someone and finding them attractive/handsome/pretty/etc. And trust me, I have the sexual drive as... I don't know, a rabbit. I have a high libido, but it wouldn't be directed towards everyone because I'm not a horn dog and I have love and respect for my partner, and myself because I know I would hate myself if I cheated on someone who actually loves me.

    • What's wrong with what he said about his girlfriend? I heard nothing but facts... it's not rude to state the genuine truth that someone is less hot than someone else

    • I mean. Okay. But how do you explain people--specifically women, because it seems like there isn't a single female cheater on the site or in reality--end up cheating? It's too easy to simply say "Oh, they are of a different species. They're not actually human." That's an easy answer. The harsh truths are that humans have done some extremely fucked up things throughout history. And that that potential exists within all of us. Once you understand that, you understand humans, and you understand that to find the best possible partner, you have to also understand their motivations and desires and possibilities. I know you said you don't understand the mindset, but don't you think that is a problem if you date? If you don't know what to look for, how can you be safe in dating? As for my girlfriend, I care for her a great deal. But yes, she is not a model. And sometimes--especially when it's been awhile if you catch my drift--I start craving more. It's the same concept as anything, really. If you have a cookie, you want some milk. Right, if you buy some nice shoes, you're always going to want some new ones. And that's not meant to dehumanize my girlfriend--of course, she has feelings and such, so she is more important than shoes. But, that's the point. Humans always want more or better. And the best humans--in my opinion--understand that about others and themselves and stay "aware" of their desires, that way they can prevent them from destroying everything always. Like a rat taking cocaine until it dies, instead of choosing to eat. Anyways, good luck.

    • @blondie1234567 If you have been with a man who truly loves you, you know that he won't feel so many impulses as the asker of this question does. Nothing in this question is true for all men. Its only true for the asker of this question. quite honestly, he doesn't seem very captivated by his lover. And I sense that relationship will end only in a matter of time.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

16 62

  • I think of cheating as a form of shopping addiction where the idea of obtaining a product is more important than the reality of using and guarding a product. People cheat because they prefer the fantasy of a non existent happiness over the reality of a practical and working connection in the real world and often times, men only realize their error when the damage is irreversible. Like if you saw the girl before they lost weight, before they washed, before they put on their hair and make up and fake eye lashes, without their faked morals and ethics, with all their greed and anger and laziness and arrogance, you would not the desire that woman as much. Playboy girls are attractive because they do not discuss the girls failing gpa or her habit of torturing pet animals or her habit of yelling and screaming or her unwillingness to cook or clean or her neglectful child care etc... they are selling a fantasy that does not exist in the real world where people have Cotten candy shaped butts and smell like cinnamon after eating garlic.

    • What about the desire for a different set of negatives? Or the inclusion of more intense passion or more skillful bed tricks? Or what about the inclusion of a softer element, if one's S. O. is hard; or, a harder element, if one's S. O. is soft?

  • They can if they want to and cheaters will always cheat. Addictive behavior, if you don't want anything serious, why waste your time and waste someone elses. Cheating will always be a decision. So if you decide thats on you.
    Anyone can be loyal if they really wanted to but they made the choice and the decision to be disloyal so they already had the intention. So yeah, people will do whatever they want, they can pretend to be sorry or be sorry that they got caught.

    • Have you cheated?

    • @red324 No I have not. I've been cheated on. So I would know what it feels like.

    • Nah. Oversimplification, in my opinion. "Cheaters will always cheat". As if these "cheaters" are a subsection of humans. Nah. Humans is humans. We're all wired pretty much the same. I'd also disagree that it's always a "choice". Sometimes it's just a lack of willpower. The situation happens, things heat up, and it becomes difficult to stop.

    • Show All

  • The whole thing of you narrowing it down to only two reasons why women cheat is where you lost me. Have you ever considered actually talking to one deeply about why they did?

    • My apologies. That was not meant to suggest that there are "only" those two reasons; but, those as the "primary" reasons. I'm sure there are a great many reasons. Daddy issues; mental issues; brain issues; hell, maybe just a philosophical position. But humans get complicated real fast, so it helps to boil it down into the lowest possible denominator. That said, maybe you could help me boil some more down? What do you think I'm missing?

    • Re-reading, it 100% comes off like that. I suppose I was going the confident route; but, always open.

    • @confusedginger21 Talking, "to one deeply about why they did" to me? FCK NO!! She cheated, and FCK HER!! Throwing her, and all her shit out of my house, even in the snow in winter!! Like I should wait, and listen so some BS, and crying apology, about how it wasn't her fault? MORE LIES and MANIPULATION? Hell no!! Cheat on me, and BYE, BYE, Bitch!!! No second chance!! How can I trust a liar, a cheat, ever again?

    • Show All

  • People cheat because they feel like they can. They take their partners for fools, think they are superior or that they can simply get away with it. People who don't cheat are maybe too afraid to get caught, or they are just simply comfortable enough in their relationship.

    I read your response that countries and soldiers can't resist certain things and here you are very wrong... Everyone has a choice. EVERYONE. Some people just don't understand or want to deal with consequences. Soldiers rape because they can. They have authority and power. Countries destroy each other because they can. They have the resources and power to do so.

    Cheating is about wanting and not wanting to do so. Often complicated feelings aren't involved. Some people just cheat because they want to. They were maybe happy in the relationship and everything was going well. If you don't want to cheat, then you never will. If you want to, you'll come around to doing it eventually. It doesn't matter how strong the temptation is. If you've been strong with yourself from the beginning, you shouldn't worry.

    I also reacted to the list of reasons you stated on why each sex cheats. I do not believe cheating should be justified. You can't blame the other person or even yourself because you wanted to betray your partner. If your needs aren't being met, leave. If you have fallen out of love, leave. It really isn't that hard. Cheating is selfish and nothing else. It's nobodies fault but yours.

    • A: Don't remember that response I made with countries and soldiers, there were a great many; and, I'm a very busy man. B: It kinda seems like you just stated the exact same thing "People cheat because they feel like they can", then followed it up with "You're completely wrong--it's actually exactly as you say." Bro. Bro. What? C: Speaking of justifications, "It really isn't that hard" really seems like the justifications of a child. Sometimes life is the hardest thing in the world, chica--especially relationships.

    • Or rationalization*

  • People cheat because they place their physical desire and the excitement of cheating above the need to honor their promise to be faithful. No one MAKES them cheat.

    Yes, we are all attracted to people other than our SO/spouse. That is just a fact, but it is not a reason to cheat. And blaming biology or heredity is BS; serial killers have reasons for killing but we don't excuse them because they have some explanation.

    If you want to be faithful, you will be faithful. I have been faithful through 50 years of dating and marriage. I have had opportunities to cheat and I didn't because I though about the consequences and I did not want to cause that kind of pain for my partner. Anyone with a conscience can do the same.

  • I assume, you had a woman cheat on you and now you hate women.

    both sexes have the same foibles, both have lack of integrity, both are able to fuck the other over.

    there is no women are programmed to cheat.

    there is no men are programmed to cheat.

    however men are far more likely to and then change the ‘facts to what cheating is’

    • Whoa buddy. No, I've never been cheated on. You know what they say. When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and Me.

    • Okay we are both asses. So if you had no one cheat, you have like no experience in the area. It still stands everyone is equal, there is no programmed thing where women are more inclined and blame can be anything.

    • EVERYONE I DONT LIKE IS AN INCEL REEEEEE kill yourself

    • Show All

  • Wtf well aren't I stupid here I was thinking all humans have the capacity for basic self-control.

  • Cheating is wrong either way.

  • Why don't you call the same fuckin situation "lack of integrity " in the case of men?

    • it's called "lack of integrity" only in case of men?

    • @harvest Yeah, with women it's called "his fault"

    • @Silver158 nah! don't assume every woman is a fuckin feminazy. It's not his fault by default. Every situation is different, and a lot have tried to answer why me cheat or why women cheat. There's no rule, and you haven't cracked the case either.

    • Show All

  • WOW!! LONG, EPIC POST.
    Someone once said, and in a concise, SIMPLE WAY: "Men cheat, when they don't feel NEEDED; Women cheat, when they don't feel LOVED!"
    Can't say it more simply than that!!
    I have never cheated. . .

  • If you're struggling this hard, I'm going to venture out on a limb here and say you're most likely not all that into your girlfriend.

    • agreed--probably every dude I've dated long term would not cheat on me. Sure, i can't control their thoughts and in general they probably can't either, but they can control their actions. and, if you love someone, you control them.

    • That limb would break, so I would recommend staying in the more stable parts of the tree. I feel like you're under a misunderstanding of what penises like to do. Equating male and female perceptions and reasons for actions is one of the most common faux pas I've seen among people, generally. You don't have a working framework for the opposite gender, so you use the framework you already have. That's not being able to see from another's shoes, or extrapolate natures different from your own. For a woman, that may very well be true--if she's looking at other men, it's likely she's not completely satisfied by the relationship. Like I said, for a man, it doesn't matter. The penis will always 100% of the time, given the man has an ounce of testosterone or balls, desire to sleep with attractive women. Or just "different" women, maybe not even more attractive. The pursuit of "variety" is what led to humans actually surviving from a population of 10,000 to 8 billion.

  • Many of us men stay loyal. The real problem is that so many women are attracted to slime balls.

    I will say that casual cheating is so much easier to forgive. My ex wife had a long-term second man. Everyone knew but me. It hurt. I forgave her anyway, but he was old and rich, so she went with him. Her friends later told me she moved on the dirty hookups, all the time. I guess it is better he gets herpes over me.

    it still sucks. I loved her. I never imagined a life without here

  • Only thing I can think of is insufficient sex.

  • For lot of people plenty sex partners means high sexual attractiveness = high social status. Ironically, if you're sexually very attractive is this way of thinking ridiculous. For cheaters is one sex partner over years is wasting of time and most of them don't even hide it, because they assume you must be one of them.

  • Some can and do.

  • Men can easily stay loyal, it’s all about the woman staying loyal.

    Most often the women stop having sex and loses interest in boyfriend or husband , and the women cheats.

    I’m not say men don’t cheat, but when they do it’s because she no longer has sex with him, and just completely ignores him, women so often think men don’t have feelings and take men for granted, and the women cause the conditions that cause men to seek attention from another women that they lack in their current relationship.

    Hurts women to hear the truth.

  • 1. Selfishness. They love themselves more than their partner.
    2. The "boredom" excuse. Couples get bored of each other more when they stop dating each other and courting each other and staying attractive and fit for each other.
    They "win" the heart of their mate and then stop trying and just settle into routines and taking each other for granted.
    The key is to never stop dating and doing new things together, surprising each other, traveling to new places together, always learning new things about each other and letting the intimacy go deeper and deeper.

  • A person (male or female) cheats because there is a lack of morals.. It is that simple.. not rocket science

  • Just know that it's a two way street when it comes to cheating. It also happens for pretty much the same reasons.

  • Yes, men = attracted to healthy, vibrant woman = good eggs.
    women = attracted to famous, rich, successful man = good provider, can raise children that don't starve to death.

    • That misses the good genetics aspect, but well said

  • Show More (58)
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > What makes men and women cheat? Can men actually stay loyal?