Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
This was supposed to be an answer to a question, but it ended up being a bit long, so why not MyTake it. It seems a very important concept for people--both men and women--to understand, to me. How can you have a strong relationship if you don't know what motivates your significant other? And how can we avoid these extremely common fuck-ups?
In my relationship, my girlfriend's body is rocking. I know, I know. Another dog of a man talking about bodies first: what a piece of shit. But please indulge me a mere moment. My girlfriend's face could do with some upgrading. Really, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that my girlfriend's face is not particularly attractive.
But, my girlfriend still looks pretty, to me, most of the time [and she's very high level, Ivy League education, smart as all hell, and even funnier than that]. At the same time, if I took her face and compared it with some ultra models, I would ultimately have to admit (were I being truthful) that, yes, I am far more physically attracted to those supermodels than my girlfriend. If I met one of them, and they asked to do things with me--or otherwise implied it--would I have a difficult time resisting? You're damn straight. Any straight man would be tempted.
![This is not what my girlfriend looks like [and yes she does: Alyssia Kent]](https://cf.girlsaskguys.com/a65181/51560e22-a968-4e8f-aad1-9092756adae1.jpg)
This establishes many men will be/have sometimes been attracted to women outside of their relationship.
At the same time, my girlfriend is extremely attracted to some rockstars. And this idea is common in relationships, especially from the female side. These ideas of "Celebrity exceptions". As in, "It's not cheating if I meet this super famous person and fuck him." Why? Why only super famous people? Why not simply someone you're extraordinarily attracted to? What is the deal with the specification of celebrities tied specifically with high social status?
For this, we have to ask the question: What are women attracted to? I believe we can probably agree that rockstars [or other popular artists] are up there for women. Throwing panties on stage, going ballistic, right. So, in other words, this claim is, "If I meet someone who arouses me far more than you, it is only natural that I sleep with him. This should be understandable to you, so let's make this deal--it probably won't happen, but hey, if it does, you can't blame me for sleeping with such a high level, popular, famous man." And, come on, we can probably say it's a lot less likely for a non-celebrity man to find a celebrity woman to sleep with, generally, right? I would say so, so this means this deal is specifically for the woman's sexual pleasure, more so than for the man.
This establishes many women will be/have sometimes been attracted to men outside of their relationship.
However, in my opinion, something exists in women that doesn't exist in the same way in men. And that is as a relationship goes on, she becomes more and more bonded to him (hopefully, and if things go well). As she becomes more bonded to him, her desire for different men as a correlation coefficient goes down. So, to my girlfriend, I become more valuable than a rockstar, due to our history. She wouldn't want to lose me for a simple fuck [of course, what if she got the high-level fuck AND ALSO got to keep me? That's an incentive for cheating].
There are two reasons women cheat.
1: Lack of integrity. This is thinking "I deserve to have sex with this guy, and if I get preggers, my boyfriend will take care of really popular genes."
2. Their needs aren't being met. In this instance, their man is simply not giving her something she needs, and she ends up finding a way to get it or gives in at a point when her relationship is weak--largely due to the man's lack of focus on her.
Now. When it comes to men, that history/bonding switch doesn't seem to turn on. Our bodies are still animalistically drawn towards "health and fertility". So, that 23 year old supermodel is going to be excessively desirable, throughout a man's relationship. His penis specifically (which does have a mind of its own) upon the correct stimulus (opportunity to have sex/seeing attractive women) will desire sex with them.
My girlfriend and I's relationship is quite strong. However....in the gym, around these smoking, piping, ridiculously hot women in the city, I find it TREMENDOUSLY difficult to not look at their tight clothes, splayed out cleavage, and booty shorts, squatting in the squat rack. I try extremely hard for my girlfriends sake (we go together) and to simply show respect to the women (who don't really do the inverse, given them showing off their bodies negatively impacts me, in this way, and you see plenty of other women in comfortable enough workout clothing).
And ladies, I know a lot of you really hate this message. You hate those pretty bitches who think they're the shit--they probably don't even have a brain cell or a personality. You hate those worthless asshole men who are only after bodies. You want a man who thinks you are the shizznit. You're the bees knees. You are the best in the world. But, I'm sorry, you're not. And guys, you aren't either. I'm definitely not. There is always someone better. But, we don't need to find someone perfect. All we need to do is find someone who is perfect for us. I mean this as a hopeful message, not as an inditement of human nature; but, I suppose it has to be on some level. We do not mate for life. We simply don't, most of us. We will have on average 10 sexual partners and a lot of relationships across our life, if we work hard. And, we need to know how each other ticks to make it last as long as we can.
So, concluding, yes, there are men who are loyal, women whose men treat them with equal measures of respect and excitement and makes them happy. However, the type of man who can stay loyal is the type of man with a strong enough force of will--and the desire--to stay true to his loved one--the ability to resist his natural compulsions. And if you ask me, there aren't too many of those. At the same time, the woman--if she wants to keep this man--needs to understand his nature. But more than understanding, she has to ACCEPT his nature and do what she can to keep him invested in the relationship, as well.
And, the type of woman who will stay loyal is one who has integrity and one who can communicate with her man in the proper way, at the proper time what needs aren't being met.
WOW! You made it this far? You really are a special one. Good job, and thank you for reading! I hope I was of some service, and at least not 100% of what I said sounded like absolute bullshit. :D
What Girls & Guys Said
18 64Because honor and integrity are soooo retro.
Not cheating is the easiest thing about a relationship. You know why? You dont hurt the ones you love and you dont betray them. It's that simple. If you cheat weather you are a guy or gal you are a piece of shit. Loyalty is everything! I give my all for my partner in mind, body, and spirit. I show love and dedication and put her before my own wellbeing every time. If she cheats on me after that then she truly is a piece of shit and deserves nothing but the streets. Same with any guy. Let the cheaters all live together in a crack house and drop from ODs and do the rest of us a favor.
We always hurt the ones we love. Literally everyone says what you say. Cheating still happens. It seems to be quite a naïve perspective.
and yet I've never cheated on anyone I've been with. Stop being a weak willed, selfish douche and you'll see it's extremely easy.
Clearly, another sub-par IQ'd genius. You don't even understand the premise of the take, like 97% of the others.
if so many people disagree with you than maybe it's not them, it's you.
You're right. Maybe we should reexamine slavery, since at one point most people believed in it. The majority are a bunch of idiots. Especially on this site.
I have never cheated, but my ex cheated on me... with the usual cop out. My needs aren't being met, yet every time I'd try anything she wasn't interested.
Some guys can remain loyal, I have done that for over 56 years.
I say that to my wife all the time. I tell her I know she is not perfect but she's perfect for me.
I'm really not a fan of the narrative of "when a man cheats, it's the man's fault; and when a woman cheats, it's also the man's fault".
People cheat for no rational reason. It's the abandonment of rationality and morality. But the cheater needs to live with themselves after the fact, because to go on in life seeing themselves as irrational, amoral beings is intolerable to the psyche. So they lie to themselves that "oh it's my partner's fault, it's not my fault, I couldn't help myself" and so on.
The justifications are never-ending, and can be scarily logically consistent, in the same way that a nazi death camp guard has a logically consistent rationale for why he's done nothing wrong. Yes it's internally consistent, but it's still fucking batshit insane to any outsider looking in at his thought processes.
So maybe men tell themselves "its okay I cheated coz biology made my penis fall on the young nubile woman's vagina". And maybe women tell themselves "its okay I cheated coz, like, my boyfriend didn't even compliment me on my new outfit, and he ejaculated early last night, and his coworker makes more money than him, and he played videogames today instead of taking me shopping" or whatever the fuck. But it's all bullshit. The fact is, they cheated because they wanted to, and didn't care for the consequences or how it could affect their partner / the relationship in that moment. There's no justification for it. How can you justify someone lighting the fuse on their own relationship, and then standing right in the epicentre of the explosion as they drag their partner down with them? It's almost like a forced murder-suicide of the relationship, like a terrorist they inflict maximum damage in minimum time with as many bystanders caught in the blast as they can take with them.
Quit watching fake romantic "lived-happily-ever-after" movies and soap series.
That stuff messes with people expectations.
There's no such thing as "love at first sight". There is "attraction/passion" at first sight.
All relationships WILL have problems. And no matter how good a partner is in sex, if the other one does not watch his/her thoughts, eventually there'll always be a moment that he/she will start getting attracted to someone else.
Oh and read about the "chemistry of love" articles.
Turns out that when u are with a person, the hormones that gives you butterflies will get overruled/flushed-out/counteracted by the hormones that give you the attachment feeling. So no matter how in love you are, those butterfly feelings will become less when you're getting more attached to the person.
So don't be one of those blind ones that will run off looking for those butterflies with someone else. Cuz the butterflies will always die eventually.
some can, yes
You and your partner need to share the same values, one of them being fidelity. If fidelity is important to you then filter out those who do not share the same values. And if you get with a person who has cheated before, watch out. Even if they are remorseful for the moment. When things go south in the relationship, that person will consider it as an option.
Listen dude, it does not take so much "WILL" to stay faithful if you loved your wife or girlfriend enough.
Because the reality is:
If you are highly fulfilled and love the person you are with, you absolutely would have no reason to cheat. If you are claiming that it takes such immense will to not cheat, then it means that you secretly want to cheat. It also most likely means that your girlfriend/ wife is not fulfilling you enough. There is something missing from that relationship. You are with the wrong person.
Typically people cheat when they are in dysfunctional relationships. They don't cheat when they see a hot bimbo.
And another big determining factor if someone will cheat are their MORALS. Decent men with good morals who believe that cheating is wrong, will never cheat regardless of whatever excuse.
If you're happily married , you should believe that your spouse is the best person on earth. If you think that there are a lot of people better than your wife, then you married the wrong person.
You are 100% right in both points you made. 1. If you are happy in your relationship is not at all hard not to cheat. 2. If you are actually a person of moral your own values will prevent you from doing it.
exactly!
Oh boy, nothing makes me want to not listen more than someone going, "Listen dude." And I was correct. You basically just reiterated what I said in different words in that last part. The "morals" was implied in the "willpower". If they didn't have "morals", they wouldn't need "willpower" to act them out.
@churchofsteel If you're truly in love with someone, she are the only one you see. You don't see anyone else. You're so mesmerized and captivated by your girlfriend / wife. She is your world. I have been out with my bfs on many different occasions, none of them even took a look at another hot woman. Even during times when my boyfriend and I would see a beautiful girl, we would just once notice then we would just continue walking along and forget about her. HOWEVER, if you see a beautiful girl and you're staring and imagining all the things you want to do to her, YOU'RE NOT TRULY IN LOVE WITH YOUR girlfriend/ WIFE. I've seen husbands avoid even sitting in the same room with another woman. I've had boyfriends who didn't even bother to check out other hot women during our dates. Now if you're saying that you have a huge impulse to hit on hot women while you're with your girlfriend/ wife, I can easily tell you that your relationship won't last. There is no strength or security in your relationship. When you're truly in love, your girlfriend/ wife fulfills you and you would have NO NEED to seek out other people.
If I were married and I passed by a hot handsome man. I would take one notice and think "damn , he's a handsome young man". But I won't stand there stare and get mesmerized. And go over there and start talking to him. This is something I will never do. Because I don't need him. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TAKING NOTICE OF SOMEONE AND WANTING TO CHEAT. JUST BECAUSE I TOOK NOTICE OF SOMEONE, IT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM. WE NOTICE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN LIFE. IT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO BANG EVERY BEAUTIFUL PERSON I SEE.
I am loyal and that is it, never ever been an struggle of any kind. My true will power shows up when I do not finish an entire pizza by myself at one sitting.
@NathanDavis If you want my honest opinion, the asker who asked this question is not truly deeply in love with his partner. And I feel sorry for his girlfriend. Any man who finds it hard to stay faithful , its a sure fire indication that he is with the wrong person. Likely its only a matter of time before the relationship ends.
yeah, if you have urges and temptations to control and battle then you are disciplined at your commitment (which is a good thing) but loyalty is different, I think loyalty is not a state subjected nor conditionaed to change, either you are loyal or you're not, and it comes from your own nature more than acquired principles.
@NathanDavis I've seen husbands who never even experienced the urge to cheat. If your wife is fulfilling to to your core, you wouldn't feel the urge.
@NathanDavis For me, if I am a married woman and I see a handsome hot young man. I probably would just admire for a few seconds then go away. It is possible that I might fantasize for a few minutes but then i would just forget about it later on. If its continuous fantasizing, then that means my heart is not in the marriage. But making a move on him , as a married woman, will be something I would never do regardless of how attracted I am to him. I would never trade my husband for any guy, no matter how hot he is
right, I do consider those fleetings moments of fantasy quite normal, and even healthy, they just fleet away...
Exactly the kind of discourse I wanted to stimulate, so great thread. At the same time, I think everything in this one is bullshit. There is really no such thing as "love", only self-benefit. It's a fundamental nature of humans. If it weren't, we wouldn't let 1 billion people starve to death. There is some slight degree of altruism, but on a fundamental nature humans are selfish creatures. You've been watching too much Disney. And it would be ironic if my relationship lasts longer than yours. We're at 14 months and still going and just signed a 15 month lease. We have very flattering positives and negatives, and we function as a team extremely well. The only thing is, yeah, she's not a model. For all your BFs who didn't look at other women around you, how many are you still with? How long has your longest relationship lasted? If not that long, then maybe you should ask yourself the question of "what is true love"?
"There is really no such thing as "love", only self-benefit." A man who I casually dated , fell head over heels in love with me. And there was once he jumped right in front of a speeding car headed in our direction, so that he can protect me. After that he said, "... At least you can live". If this is not love right here, I don't know what is. And by your saying that love does not truly exist, you are confirming that you do not love your girlfriend. So yea, it proves my point "For all your BFs who didn't look at other women around you, how many are you still with? How long has your longest relationship lasted? If not that long, then maybe you should ask yourself the question of "what is true love"?" Honestly I had many guys who fell head over heels in love with me throughout my life. But I never fully returned their feelings romantically. And just because you fall deeply in love with someone, it doesn't mean you both would be compatible for life.
@churchofsteel
@churchofsteel I can guarantee you that you would never ever die for your girlfriend, with that attitude of yours.
Um... At the same time, you're saying you've never loved anyone. Between the two of us, I see myself as someone attempting to do better in his relationship; and, a psychopath who seems to think everyone adores her, but whom doesn't care about anyone else.
Well I see an immature man who throws a tantrum whenever he gets proven wrong. I have experienced it when a man truly loves me. And I'm sure that you do not genuinely love your girlfriend. Chances are if you start "liking" a hotter girl, you would dump your girlfriend in a heart beat.
@churchofsteel .
" I don't know love, so love doesn't exist ' such a weak position, lol.
@churchofsteel people dying of starvation doesn't prove that love doesn't exist. There are many people in the world who would want to help them, sadly the ones who can won't. Because humans are bad? No. Simply because the ones at the top are big pieces of shit. If you want to compare relationship times I am with my wife for 7 years now, almost two of marriage.
It's call self-control. Some women are just like men in the area of attraction and sex. Not all women cheat emotionally. Plus, bond or not, she's reproduce too. Just like man on the verse side see a manly man and want him. But, a self-controlled, mature and "I made a commitment to be committed" I only see my man. Attraction and sexually compatible goes along way too (with love) but doesn't hold anyone if they have a problem with self-control and not mature enough to be in a relationship.
I routinely hear that phrase from women. "I only see my man." I have to say, perhaps I'm just a particularly shitty man, because I do not understand it in the slightest. I only understand that from a feminine aspect. And, I mean, you don't need self-control if you "only see your man", right?
I didn't say she was blind. We all can see that someone is attractive or nice looking. We may even be attracted sexually because "we're human" Both men and women. But, self-control is just that. You see and that's it. You don't lust, fantasy or pursue to have an individual because "you" are with someone "you" said you wanted to be "committed to" heart, mind, body and soul. A single person as well should have self-control as well. Just because you desire a person doesn't mean you should be with them because you can. You see it's different when a man or woman who feels to cheat is cheated on when they are in love or loving on a person. When they make someone the apple of their eye. Basically, when the shoe is on the other foot. It doesn't feel good. You wouldn't like it. I don't care of the circumstances that lead you to cheat. For "me" cheating says a lot... Your love is not based on sacrifice, lack of knowledge, you like the person (you deeply like them; leading with emotion, etc.) But, once they do something or something happens "the reason" you like them (beauty, money, status, etc) "Where is the love?" At the end of the day "Love" is a covering and what binds individuals. Love is best express through adversity, trying times, etc... Not saying "Love" is not express through good times. But, it is mostly express and felt during the bad times. Because if someone can sacrifice themselves for your greater good and healing "Man!" That's "Love!" Remember Jesus died for the sins of the world. A man that knew no sin but considered your sin to die for. He love all men, but hate the sin. We have that same love and we are encourage to love in the matter he loved us... good, bad and ugly. My apology if you're not a reader of the Bible or not a Christian. But, in any belief one makes a sacrifice to be the example of greater good and do good for mankind.
My meaning is more to focus on those internal compulsions, rather than the external actions which are simply a consequence of following those impulses. I agree wholeheartedly with that comment, JEndigoBleue. However, this post is concerned with the innerworkings of how one reaches that external condition as a function of following the internal compulsions. What are the different compulsions between men and women? That kind of thing. I care about the circumstances, because that's when you can find the awareness within the process to stop it. I acknowledge I'm human, and we've done some fucked up things. Acknowledging that I am the same type of human means I have the same capacity means I have to understand what leads to becoming that kind of human. Yes, no, certainly not. The sacrifice is understandable. However, to make the sacrifice, I feel it is sometimes necessary to examine the inner-mind to know where those compulsions come from and how to stop them earlier. Thank you for your comment. It was one of the better ones.
I've never cheated but multiple women have cheated on me. I haven't dated that many women. And your reasons why were spot on.
I didn't read it all but from my experience some of that is TRUE.
Cheated on becuz she felt above me and that it was okay.
Cheated on because I was too neglectful waiting for the perfect timing for everything.
One girl even told me she would cheat if this guy from a band wanted it. I've always found that strange tbh cause I would never cheat for a celeb. Makes no sense in my opinion. They don't look any different than average living hot people. Most times worse. So I guess it is the status. But I'll never date another girl who isn't head over heels for me. I know women hate men but women are some dogs themselves. They really are. It takes some growing up to see it and realize they aren't angels in need of saving. And I really don't trust them at all anymore.
I'd stay loyal if i had the right partner. But i guess some people or most people who often 'settle' for 'less'... well... i guess either party is prone to... uhh... cheating.
No sane person will cheat. It has nothing to do with gender
Not sane, ethical*
Sometimes people get together only because they don't want to be alone. Once that new relationship feeling wears off the other person becomes a drag. A little cheating here and there is a way to keep the excitement going while not giving up the reliable person at home thing. Sometimes those people keep you around (as a crutch) long enough to find the better option down the road.
I'm actually surprised at all the hate you're getting. I think it was an honest, heart-felt mytake. I felt like I was going in the head of one of those guys I'm always wondering what its like to be; the super red blooded ones. It does bring me down a little to hear you reiterate that the 'bonding over history' switch doesn't really exist for guys. I don't understand that. I'd really appreciate a reply on it! Can you go more in detail on that?
Question 2: if you don't mind my asking, (not trying to judge! just to understand) you're not in it for the long LONG haul with your current girlfriend, are you? Do you believe in permanent relationships for yourself? not in general, just for you.
Again, just trying to get in the mindset of what to expect when I'm dating if I ever date a dude like you.
Humans generally prefer the fanciful to the real. And it was honest and heart-felt. I didn't expect the blowback it caused, either. The main thing with historical bonding is that women tend to stop looking at other men, right, when in a good relationship with a man they value highly. Somewhat. The exceptions being, like, top 5% males. The inverse doesn't happen. Dudes don't suddenly stop *wanting* to look at other women. That's the main thing. We are still vulnerable to the physical draw of female bodies. Like, look at Tiger Woods or Arnold Schwarzenegger. How do we explain--not justify--but explain their behavior? I like how Bill Burr puts it in his stand up. I suppose it may be more accurate to say womens' threshold for attraction to other men gets raised as an inverse function of her perceived value of the relationship. The better deal she thinks she got, the less she cares about other men--or, the less men meet the requirements to beat out the history/quality she has established. Perhaps mens' threshold gets raised, too, but not to the same degree. Say, a man was attracted to 70% of women, physically, before. Then after a long relationship, maybe he's drawn to 30%. Something like that.
I didn't mean to suggest that history just doesn't matter for dudes--it certainly does. It just doesn't flip *that switch* that says "okay, nothing else needed physically". And that seems to also be a function of time since the poison has been released, if you catch my drift, at least for me. The sexual desire button--at least from my own perspective--seems to be of a continuous build-up-since-last-release. And if it's not handled, it creates a wild compulsive energy that isn't really targeted in any one direction and makes me more apt to start lookin' at other chicks. Maybe this could also be higher testosterone, dunno, which could also make it much different between males. As a bodybuilder, I'll tend to have more. And after 7 days of no release, testosterone gets bumped by like 20%, too, so that's my going theory. That said, I've noticed that when we watch particular T. V. shows with especially jaw-chiseled or ultra-masculine men, my girlfriend tends to get a bit more excited than she should and will be MUCH more receptive to acts than otherwise. Comparable to me watching porn. So us watching those t. v. shows for her is like porn. Repeated and experimented with, too. I've figured out what "sparks" her fuse the most. So I dunno. It's all a learning process. I am actually in it for the long LONG haul with my girlfriend. But I'm also somewhat counting on her to mature a little bit--she's your age; and, I also know I could easily trade up if I needed to. She still has a bit of this self-centeredness which often comes with youth. The moves she makes are extremely calculated for primarily self-benefit. But I was the same way when I was younger. So, especially in moments when it's been awhile (if you catch my drift) or she irritates me, my mind goes to places like "Well, I could..." And this post is in part an admonition of that reaction.
The only real reason people cheat is as you said in 1. Lack of integrity. All the rest is bullshit and not a legitimation. If your needs Aren't being met, you can break up. Of course this is a character issue, not a gender issue as your question implied.
"What makes men cheat? Women"
https://www.youtube.com/embed/KQDnAdBFvnM-Al Bundy
Women think differently and especially when it comes to being in self control not all women can control themselves. when they're excited their hormone levels rises so it's just like when she wants attention 24/7 and right don't we all. Not everyone is going to get it right so she just wants to be notice that she's a fan or whatever and she wants to have fun right but then when it comes down to someone. Whos more attractive like some old R&B artist girls used to go wild back in the day now it's about like everything like who's popular who has the fam and money who can be the sugar daddy. Like yo seriously mostly about money and attention and comfort but just be cool calm collective but everybody nowadays is fuckin anything LoL is just dumb nobody is patient everybody is following. The wrong person and the music nowadays suck like yo seriously mumble rap suck shit don't make no sense lol but. yo on some real when any of your partners have free time at the sametime as you do just try to bond with them and know each other a little more. Go out talk go to the park or something but not somewhere where she'll get distracted by another guy talk about yourselves not to yourself. Just be yourself not someone who's an asshole 24/7 for no reason like if she's gonna be a dumb broad to play dumb if she gets caught cheating. Then be an asshole but when any female say huh in a conversation she wasn't pay no attention to what us dudes say then move to the next one just like how they do us on some real.✌️
I think they're afraid to fall in love so they go after someone else, which takes their mind of their main girl/guy then the cycle continues on and on. I've always wondered why guys and girls have one night stands only to never be seen or heard from again... They don't want to get attached. I think the same applies to cheating. This has been a question i've had for years. I've always thought if you fucked her once, why not fuck her again? I think it's feelings, then things start to get complicated and not everyone likes that.