What really counts as cheating?

[Anonymous]

If your wife denies you sex most of the time—assenting to intercourse 6-8 times per year—never gives you oral sex, never gives you manual stimulation, throws a fit if she thinks you are masturbating…

If your wife is out of town for two weeks…

And you are dying for some sexual release…

Is there anything you can do without being a cheater? She will never find out what you do, but if you want to remain on the right side of the line…

Can you have phone sex or cam sex with someone whom you only know online (with whom you can’t accidentally escalate to the physical in person)?

Can you get a lap dance at a club?

Can you pay someone (again, removing the chance of accidental attachment) to strip for you while you masturbate? To stroke you? To give you oral sex?

Can you pay someone to roll around on the bed with you and get off during “outercourse?”

Is the line somewhere in this list? Or does the frustrated husband just have to live without sex of any kind?

[MrOracle]

You're asking if two wrongs make a right. They don't.

You and your wife need some relationship counselling, and if she won't go, then you may need to consider divorce. But you also need to be ready to take some responsibility for YOUR role in why your wife feels like she does. Obviously I don't know you or anything about your relationship, but it's very rare that all blame lies only on one side.

[OfMiceandMen]

It's not cheating if you do it with a condom because there is a barrier between the two of you.

You just have to be completely hands-off!👀😂

[Anonymous]

If there’s a lack of intimacy in your marriage, either there’s a bigger issue causing this that needs to be resolved or you two just aren’t sexually compatible. If it’s the former, you can work on that. If it’s the latter, you’re probably better off splitting up. Being unfaithful in some way isn’t going to help in either case.

[Apple1996]

Stop caring about what's cheating and whats not and start working on your relationship with your wife

[Gent207-2]

For every answer given you establish a new rule that you will undoubtedly break all in pursuit of your own pleasure.

But if you take the better route and asked "what am I doing to make my wife feel this way?" As a couple how did we get to this point where sex is a transactional weapon in a game of trench warfare? More importantly hoe do we get back to the healthy version of sex?

[Asker]

You may be right. …but what if the relationship with the wife is very good (no weapons, no warfare, no distance) and she is just not sexual?

[Gent207-2]

Might be a time to have that tough talk about her past try to see her point of view on sex, what is intimacy? How does she feel about it? What gets her heart racing etc. The female sexcycle is different from our own and so too is their experience of sexual reality. What if she is sexual but it's very subtle? Sexual communication like Love Language us also different per individual.

[boggboss]

No all of those choices are still cheating if u decide to stay in a situation like that where u are clearly unhappy and u decide to get your desire elsewhere its still cheating as u decided thats the marriage u want

[Mansearching]

To answer the question correctly. If you do anything with someone else that's not your s/o can be considered cheating.

Now lunch with a co-worker could be. But in a group, its not. Trippy isn't it.

[LiamJHayden]

Arguing about it is pointless. Cheating is whatever one partner considers cheating.

[Anonymous]

If you're not in a position to dump her, just tell her you want an open relationship. And tell her you're doing this for her benefit.

[Asker]

What if the guy just wants to get off—not lash out at his wife?

[Opinion Owner]

That's not lashing out. Say it like this... "Honey, I feel so guilty asking you for sex, because I know you hate sex with me. You have my permission to find a guy on the side, and I'll find a girl on the side. This will work out for both of us."