What's the funniest name/term you've heard for masturbation?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Mine:
For a female:"I gotta diddle my skittle"😅
For a male: "I'm gonna spank the monkey"😁

[DanDavid]

Squeeze the gecko? Flick the bean? Playing five on one?

Call Manuela? (this one only works on Spanish, Hand is "Mano" in Spanish, Manuela is a woman's name, the implications is that your hand is your girlfriend 😂)

Girls night in? Sweeping the rug?

And last but not least the classic Beating your meat?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂lmao

[Pipeliner87]

Man - I need to Choke my monkey.
Man - Beat my dick like it owes me money.
Man - polish my welding rod.
MAn - feed dick to the wife.
Woman - I need to clean my hair brush handle.
Woman - I'm going to go play hide and go fuck my self.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂lmao

[NightFlirt]

I've heard the term Tickle the Pickle for a guy masturbating

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Gives "pickle juice " whole new meaning😂😂😂

[NightFlirt]

lol yes it does

[ghostqueen]

Shake hands with the devil and hacking the home network

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol😂funny

[Julie_TS]

For men: spanking the monkey is funny.
For women: Jillyoff or 'flicking the bean' are really clever & catchy.

[Lliam]

Men: Choking the chicken. Shaking the snake. Burping Kojak. Jerkin' the gerkin. Wrestle the gnome. Pound the porpoise. Bash the bishop.

Women: Killin' the kitten.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂Omg Imao funny as shit That's an MHO right there... thanks needed that laugh... burping kojak😂😂😂

[Lliam]

Thanks, my friend. I'm glad it gave you a chuckle. I never heard many for women. Somebody is slipping up.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Or men play with it way more🤣😂 or spend more time coming to with names for it lmao Another female one: 5 finger Friday 😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@lilam found some funny female ones: paddling the pink canoe, auditioning the finger puppets, drilling for oil, slap the oyster Slip-a-Dee-doo-dah and wet N wilding 😂😂

[Lliam]

Hahahahahaha Those are great! How 'bout... Churning butter Whipping cream Making pudding Swirling the batter Nub noodling Clam digging Petting the kitty Twirling the pink ballerina

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂ha ha ha ha again mho answer lmffao

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Nub noodling 😂😂😂😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh and "twirling the pink ballerina " 😂😂😂❤

[Lliam]

I made that last list up.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Funny shit lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sorry didn't get to selecting MHO before GaG did, but just know you were TOP mho to me, even tho it comes without points. Your shit was fucking hilarious. Sorry, just got caught up trying to show/ send love and support to moonchild

[Lliam]

No problem. I appreciate the thought, Brainsbeforebeauty.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I appreciate the laughs.. thanks

[Lliam]

It was fun, wasn't it? :-)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

We'll have to think up another fun one lol

[cheapshotbob]

not sure where they got it from but a girl once said she likes to call it shaking hands with George Washington , nt sure how that works but that was something interesting she told me lol.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

She could not tell a lie😂

[cheapshotbob]

oh lol well she never did and i didn't either lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Here's a new one for her: paddling the pink canoe😂

[Exterminatore]

I’ve heard of shaking hands with the unemployed man as a term for masturbation but not that one.

[cheapshotbob]

lol i will see what she says

[cheapshotbob]

@Exterminatore she is the only one i have heard use that lol

[Exterminatore]

I’m curious how she came up with that lol

[cheapshotbob]

@Exterminatore not sure i need to ask her

[OlderAndWiser]

Male: make the bald man puke.
Female: girl's night in.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤮😂lmao

[janette802]

Buff the Muffin for female😅

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂lmao wait found some funny ones here's one: paddling the pink canoe😂😂

[janette802]

😂😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Or orbiting venus😂or slapping the oyster😂cab you tell I've been bored lmao

[ArrowheadSW]

Not really funny, but I find it cute when a woman refers to it as "Jilling" or "Jilling Off".

[MrKinktastic]

I love the Tongan phrase for it “hoka niu” it means husking the coconut. They husk them over stakes there and it actually does look a bit like jerking off if you see someone doing it from behind lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Always sounds better in another language lol

[MrKinktastic]

Tikitiki was the other name, I think it was an imitation of the sound

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😁lol

[ZackBan]

Consort with the judge

[abc3643]

Choking Chicken
Happy Fun Me Time

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Were the feathers flying🤣

[Erin19]

Best question ever! I can't think of any good ones now.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol thanks I was talking tti a friend yesterday who kept talking about rubbing one out, and it just made me think about other things I'd heard it called lol and boredom lmao

[Internarchitect]

I thought “Wanking” sounds funny.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣wanking the wanker or wanking the Weiner 🤣

[Glenn603]

I always say to crank one off

[DonkeyDan]

Polishing the banister
Spank the monkey
Fire off some knuckle babies
Off to see Madame Palm and her five sisters
Knuckle shuffle
A date with Pamela Handerson
Slap the salami
Having a Josh
Tommy tank

[SydneySentinel]

Tickling my pearl

[MrTuxedo]

Finding Nemo.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😅😁lmao did you"find"him🤣

[MrTuxedo]

Oh yeaah ;)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol "I touched the bot" lmao that part of the movie read funny

[David92506]

"I have to pay attention to my second head."

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Just don't"think"with it. 😂

[Girther10]

I have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂sounds like it's going to be an interesting evening

[cicchis0]

There are as many as the day is long:
Walking the plum
Feeding the chickens
Bashing the bishop
Jerkin' the gherkin
Celebrating Palm Sunday
"Shaking hands with the unemployed" is used for urinating, but could easily apply to masturbation.
There used to be an Australian men's magazine (softcore porn/girlie mag) called The Picture that was full of hilarious euphemistic names for genitals, masturbation and sex.

[Celtero]

By far 'manhandling the ham candle.'

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Ha ha ha that's funny lol😂but damn you all gonna ruin food for me😂😂

[Avicenna]

Choking the chicken

[EleanorRigby]

Lmao 😂😂