What’s the likelihood that this is BS?

[Anonymous]

At this point I feel like I’m doing it to entertain you guys (and my friends) with my stories 😂

So within our first conversation he asked if I was a virgin and when I said yes, he said he had a friends with benefits but has been celibate since.

After asking him, he said the friends with benefits situation ended a year ago.

Then when asking about where he lives, he said he lives with a *female* flat mate but she has a child.

What is the likelihood that this female flat mate is his friends with benefits and they’re still sleeping together? Could she even be his girlfriend?

I’m so over dating I can’t even 😂😂😂

[OlderAndWiser]

His story sunds ike it could be BS. But your story about being a vrgin at age 26 also sounds lke BS. I'm not saying that you are not a virgin; I'm just saying that hearing you say that and not knowing you, I would question whether the statement is true.

[Asker]

I’m 25 lol. I hope I’m still not a virgin at 26 😭

[Part2603]

I can help you with that.

[Asker]

Oh gosh

[Jamie05rhs]

@OlderAndWiser she is. But @itsalyssaagain Hopefully you still will be. And what I mean by that is it takes a while to get to know someone well. And you really shouldn't rush into anything. Please be patient and careful and never do anything out of desperation. :)

[Asker]

Ah thanks so much!

[Jamie05rhs]

YW! :)

[lightbulb27]

I feel for ya, you have to sort through all this... and you won't know what's true for a while.

Just ask questions and make best decision you can. good grief, parents are failing this generation...

you'll find someone, stick to your "guns"... takes time.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[Lionman95]

I would say depending on the context where he lives it could be possible. Like over here in Germany young people live together sharing flats with each other to save rent. But nevertheless it´s a weird scenario. So I´d assume that they were together and she dropped him and now he´s looking for a new partner or he´s looking for a reason to drop her since he might not have wanted the child. I would therefore end the conversation.

[SnowedIn]

I have no evidence to offer you, but I suspect the flat mate is not the friends with benefits and not a girlfriend. But what is BS is the guy. Sounds like every time you ask, his story changes. Something about his stories feel "off"... and weird.

[NathanDavis]

at that point... it feels like there's a few more details that could come up later on, lmao...

for example... "the child might carry half of my DNA, but we've never ran tests on it" lol...

[Asker]

LOOOOOOL

[NathanDavis]

I would be careful with these kind of people... lol

[Asker]

Yeah I ended things lol

[Part2603]

omg. Funny story. You should totally date him. Get invited over. Meet her in person. Say something like, "At first I assumed you were his friend with benefits, but I'm glad I got to know him better." And she'll say, "No honey, I'm his ex wife." !!!

[Asker]

Omg I should totally do that 😂😂😂😂

[FunkyMonkee]

It could happen!

[exitseven]

I don;t think she is the "friend" and he says he is not getting any benefits from the roommate. You have t o take his word for it, or not.

[Asker]

You think I just have trust issues? I don't know I feel like most of the time men are on bullshit. And since he admitted that he hasn’t texted me

[exitseven]

No I don;t think you have trust issues. Do you think you have trust issues?

[Asker]

I don't know I just think most of the time men are on bullshit

[Paul_in_Indy]

This guy sounds like he has more weird situations and strange explanations that normal. The “things that make you go hmmmmm?” start to add up to doubt. I would say that is reasonable to expect a guy’s relationship status to be clear and comprehensible. Most of the time the nonsense guys exude is about things that don’t matter so much. (I mean, do you really care that he seems too into comic books or that his impression of his athletic skills does not conform to reality, or that his car is nowhere as cool as he acts like it is? That is the kind of nonsense a regular guy should be full of—not an inscrutable relationship history.)

[Asker]

I see ^

[Texaskid1]

A 100% chance he is boning her.

Repeat: 100% chance.

[loveslongnails]

A better question perhaps - what are the odds that you'd date him if he lived alone?

[Asker]

I would’ve dated him

[loveslongnails]

So, you'd trust him, sort of, if he lived alone, but not with a female flat-mate. What difference would him living alone make if he had an friends with benefits on the side that you didn't know about? No difference other than the inconvenience of not living together. Either trust him, or don't.

[Asker]

I think someone having a friends with benefits in the past is no surprise and he voluntarily told me about it so it wasn’t like he was trying to hide anything. In that sense it wouldn’t seem fishy. But the idea of a man sharing home with another woman with nothing sexual going on at all is difficult for me to grasp. The fact that he said he had a friends with benefits in the past is like the cherry on top.

[loveslongnails]

Just because it's difficult for YOU to grasp doesn't mean it's difficult for the rest of the world, darlin'. I'm 37 and I rented a room to a 29 year old last summer, and we didn't do anything sexual or affectionate, and my SO, ( who visits on and off in the summer, we live together in winter at a different location), didn't flinch or care. Why do you think that was?

[Asker]

Well I’m sorry but I’m never going to be ok with something like that

[loveslongnails]

That's fine -- but you might want to ask yourself "why" you'll NEVER be ok with it. What if you met a guy you liked who had a woman flat mate for the past 10 years, and she went out of her way to promise you they were nothing but roommates. Still "couldn't handle it?"

[Asker]

Yes then I won’t date him

[loveslongnails]

This guy lived harmlessly with a female flat mate for 10 years before he even knew you. Both of them say "we're friends, we're flat mates, been that way since day one". But that's not good enough for you. You want him OUT of there even before you start dating, or no go. You want to control his environment before you even know him? It's your choice. I think it's odd that you don't even want to think about "why" you'll NEVER be ok with it, especially if you were really attracted to the guy. But, that again is your choice - not to question it.

[Asker]

I don’t want him to change anything about himself I just don’t want to date someone who’s living with another female

[loveslongnails]

I know that, you've said that. But she's a roommate, not a lover, not a g/f, not a friend with benefits, and there's no difference between him living with a male, or a female, except in your head, and you refuse to look at that. That's my point. You answer is " I just don’t want to date someone who’s living with another female"... and I asked you "WHY", if they're just flat mates? You answer is: "I just don't want to". Not much of a reason in my mind, but fine, you're ok with it. You might be passing up a great guy, but you'll never know. Again, it's your choice, and whatever it is, it's fine.

[Asker]

I don’t feel comfortable with it that’s the reason

[loveslongnails]

I understand that. My point is, again, you don't know "why" you don't feel comfortable with it, and examining the "why" would be helpful, especially if a particular guy checks all your other boxes. Or, call it a deal breaker and write him off. Your choice always.

[Asker]

Because it’s inappropriate. I wouldn’t live with a man unless we were together

[loveslongnails]

You're not living with him... his flat mate is. So all you've done is put a particular "word" to your feeling, but you haven't explained "why". WHY is it "inappropriate" for a man who lives a female flat mate (for 5 years, let's say) and has no relations with her, no desire to, etc, ... to DATE you?

[Asker]

I just told you

[loveslongnails]

So wait... now you're condemning both him AND the female flat mate too. What if she was his cousin? What that be ok for you to date him then? I'm asking you to "explain" the why behind your feeling that it's "inappropriate". I'm not even sure what you think IS inappropriate anymore - obviously your dating him would be from your personal standpoint is, but are you calling their non-committed co-habitation inappropriate, EVEN THOUGH it's not romantic?

[Asker]

Yeah I don’t think it’s appropriate for a man and woman to live under the same roof if they’re not dating. There’s bound to be sexual tension. I mean I walk around my house half naked a lot and I know a lot of guys do that too.

[loveslongnails]

But you CAN understand how it doesn't bother other people, OR create sexual tension, and that they do not walk around naked?

[Asker]

To each their own but I don’t want to date someone in that scenario

[loveslongnails]

I understand. That's your prerogative.

[KostasKouvalis]

Very likely. Shit, I wouldn't even be surprised if the kid was HIS if I'm completely honest with you. It's probably not though. Is he American by chance? I don't get what it is with American guys dating single moms😂

[Asker]

He’s not haha

[Asker]

He’s Arab and muslim which makes it worse 😂

[KostasKouvalis]

Oh God, that makes it even worse😂

[AmeerX]

My advice, find a virgin for yourself

[TonyMetal___86]

I'm starting to wonder from where alyssa rapunzel meets such guys 🤣🤣

No one is sane haha

[Asker]

Haha at least they make funny stories

[TonyMetal___86]

Well i hope that someday you will have a funny story but with someone who made you happy and being faithful to you 😌

[Asker]

Lol thank you

[TonyMetal___86]

You're welcome 😌

[Jamie05rhs]

Yep! I think your Bullshit Detector is accurate!

[Zayed_]

I don’t know what to tell you lol..

[Asker]

Lol and he’s one of us

[Zayed_]

Sadly

[Asker]

Yeah haha

[Asker]

Haram level 100000 😭

[Zayed_]

Awfully haram but that’s what people are now. Why do you even like such guys!

[Asker]

I don’t like him this was our first convo just met lol

[Zayed_]

You talked to him lol Well, at least you were into him in the beginning

[Asker]

Doesn’t mean I like him I promise

[Zayed_]

I was just wondering, you don’t need to promise or prove anything to me lol You know curiosity kills 😂

[Asker]

I feel like we’re friends so I do care about what you perceive of me lol

[Zayed_]

That’s sweet

[motownplayer2000]

I mean. Does he bring you around the house? Some men do have female flat mates.. does that mean they fucking? I don’t know. The bigger question is, is that child he told you about his, if they are fucking.

[Asker]

You see in my case I’d rather save myself the drama. I can’t logically agree on a man I’m dating physically sleeping in the same place as another female. There’s no way there’s nothing going on. They basically see each other all the time in all kinds of states. As if he wouldn’t walk around shirtless for example because I know men tend to do that. I wouldn’t be ok with that stuff

[TallAnon]

Friends with benefits is an interesting name for your wife.

[Asker]

Haha

[Guardian45]

Okay. My spidey-sense is tingling, but you need more info or you can just call it BS & DTMFer!

[Alex8736]

you need to stop trying to entertain people with self induced drama.. what is it exactly that you want in a guy vs don't want?

[Asker]

I want an honest guy

[Alex8736]

its really not that hard sweetie

[Asker]

Yeah I guess