What’s your thoughts about your boyfriend watching porn when in a committed relationship?

I recently discovered my boyfriend is watching porn.
We have lots of sex, & thought he is completely satisfied.
He has told me previously that he doesn’t need to watch porn or has any desire for another woman because he is happy with me.
I used his phone the other day to play Spotify, when needing to search a song name I saw on his internet he has been watching porn, & lots of it.
Its been on my mind now, I don’t know what to think...
Updates:
+1 y
I took heed of some advice & viewed some porn. It was eye opening for sure. I know it’s purely fictional but it presents woman like objects, doesn’t give any meaning to sex. What I did see was lots of pussy closes up. woman kissing woman, anal sex, fake moaning & they all finished with cum all over the face from the man either mastubating or getting a blow job from 2 woman. I didn’t see the men’s faces, but saw they had massive cocks. Definently gives the wrong perception of woman and sex.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Regarding your update, you claim porn objectifies women, and yet you also said you didn't really even see the guy's face... You just saw their penises.

    And yeah, that's pretty common in porn, but guess what? The men are the objects not the women, because at least the women have a face, an identity. The men are just objects, tools to get the job done.

    There are also many opens out there where they essentially interview the girl, they're asked questions, you get to know them as a person, even if it's all lies and fake. The men just rock up, do their thing and then leave.

    So when I hear women complaining about how porn objectifies women, they are so fixed on one perspective (the one that they think makes them right) and have blinders to everything else. If porn objectifies women, then that goes double for men.

    Based upon that, the argument of objectification is irrelevant, because porn is just that... Sex, fantasy, objectification of everyone involved, impersonal.

    So, the real question is why do people (not just men) watch porn, even when they are in a relationship and seem quite satisfied?

    There are a number of reasons that float around

    • You are in the mood but your partner is not / is too tired / isn't around.

    • To fantasize about certain scenarios that you think are appealing / turn on, but are risky or not practical to do in real life.

    Or perhaps a more interesting reason that you touched upon.

    You said you saw a lot of vaginas and penises up close.

    During sex with your partner, I mean actual intercourse, you can feel what's going on down there, but you can't easily see what's going on can you?

    Men are more visually stimulated than women. It's one of the reasons why we enjoy video games so much. To be able to visualize what is going on down there helps connect you more with the sensations that are going on down there, therefore, it becomes even more pleasurable when you are actually having sex with your partner.

    I know when I am having sex with my partner, I can't focus on anything else but her. I don't imagine her being someone else because us guys have one track minds.

    If you just generically search for porn, you're not going to find much interesting at all and therefore, you're not going to understand any sort of appeal. Think of something you enjoy doing yourself (situation, fetish, story) and search for that. 98% of the porn out there I can't even stand because it's not my thing.

    But 1-2 things are my thing.

    • One of those things is something we do almost every time we have sex. The other, as others in here pointed out, are fantasy and nothing more. Part of why it is not a reality is that I doubt she would have any interest in it, but mostly it has to do with a number of risks I personally don't want to be involved with, which is why I am more than happy to let the "professionals" take care of things ala porn and leave it at that. And I am perfectly happy leaving it like that for the rest of my life. You honestly don't have to worry that your partner is watching porn. Every guy I have ever known, whether they were single, dating or married, all watch porn in one fashion or another. It does not mean we think less of our partners or that they are not satisfying us enough, it has nothing to do with that at all in 90% of cases. Of course you making a big deal about it to your partner won't make it any better and they're not going to stop. They will just find another way to hide it from you.

    • Thanks for sharing your views, very interesting and thought provoking. I appreciate the time you took to help explain what it means to guys.

    • Even if he says he will stop, he is just hiding it from you because you made a big deal about it, you embarrassed him, you made him ashamed and you have exposed something that was private to him. And yes, everybody is entitled to their own little corner of privacy in their life. My partner has her private space and I have mine. We don't need to disclose every single thought process that comes along. It's called trust. You can of course try and get involved in this private area of his life, but if you go on the attack, try and guilt him or try and act like the victim (you're not) then he will close in further. Some guys may even end the relationship and find a partner who is more accepting and open minded, especially if you make it out to being worse than it truly is. Try and talk to him if it is bothering you that much, but do not go on the attack, otherwise it will get messy. Perhaps if you can get him to open up about his perspective, you will both be in a better place.

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  • Chill out. He has lots of sex with you so the porn is not interfering with your relationship or his intimacy with you. It has nothing to do with you not being sexy or not pleasing him. The fact that you guys have lots of sex shows you are sexy to him and you are pleasing to him otherwise he'd not want sex especially not want lots of sex with you. A lot of guys can have high sex drives so a constant feeling of having to get off. So despite lots of sex, a man with a high sex drive can still want to get off, and it's good for you that he finds an outlet to get off so as to not pressure on you to have sex througout the day 7 days of the week or so. And it means he's not interested in other women too.

    • He does want sex 7 days a week though and when it’s the weekend it’s like 3x a day, so you’d think he got his rocks off with all that.

    • you have that much sex with him? wow. Well then porn might be an issue, but most women don't have that much sex with their men continually, which is why guys will look at porn, not because they prefer porn, but with a high sex drive there's a desire to get off a lot. It allows the mind to be free, that release. It's hard to focus on things when horny during the day, but then once that release, it just eases the mind so much

    • Maybe there's a fetish or kink that he has that he might be embarassed about, thus watching to enjoy, but would not want to bring up to you? I think he'd need trust from you and communcation if you want to see if you can live out his fantasy for him.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I have been battling the same problem for the last few months w my boyfriend. You basically told my story right there. I've never been insecure but it has made me insecure and caused issues. He didn't get it at first but now he does. My point is... fantasy or not... grow three fuck up! You are not 14 anymore so why do you need to look at other women if you are satisfied with me... I guess its something I won't understand. He says he has quit and he didn't mean to hurt me in any way with it, which I believe, but it really has been a huge issue. If they aren't addicted they will become addicted, they start to have unrealistic needs with sex... I mean its not healthy any way you look at it. I understand here n there, but ALL the time? Thats where I have a problem.

    • Thank you for your comments, thou described exactly how I have been feeling. I don’t get it why people automatically tell say that your insecure when you oubsay you don’t like this happening, it’s disappointing because when you didn’t realise the extent of the problem and find out how massive it really is then of course it makes you think about your relationship and ask why. I don’t know what happened to people’s opinion of sex and how we should just be ok with guys viewing woman in this way, the internet has opened up a big problem as it is accessible 24/7 and it’s offers so much choices.

    • Omg I just read all of your comments to other people. So crazy that I am in the EXACT same boat and feel the exact same way. His ex n him had issues which led him to doing that. Then we get together and here I am thinking everything is awesome in that department then I find out he's watching it daily. I expressed my feelings towards it and it didn't go well so I dropped it because he basically said thats what guys do and at least he didn't know these people, but then I felt myself getting insecure about doing things and second guessing my every move, so then it caused a few really bad fights, and he lied about it once which caused even worse issues!!! I believe that he has cut it out the everyday thing, and Im just trying to think more positive. Its funny because he got upset that I felt insecure & he keeps saying I shouldn't be, so I had taken some pictures and he found them in my phone and got all butt hurt over that. Lol.

    • Lol. He was mad I didn't send them to him n I was like GIVE me a breal here! Im trying to heal from all of this madness. This was about me feeling secure w myself again. Hahaha. We are getting through it though.

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  • I was in a relationship with a porn addict. It doesn't work out. Intimacy doesn't exist and when they are having sex with you, they are picturing their favorite pornstar not you. Their sexual expectations become unrealistic as well as their standard of beauty. They become very critical of your looks and compares you to the porn star.

    The guy was nice but he rather spend time with his hand and porn than being around loved ones. He became distant, cold, and started neglecting his work. He was fired from a couple of jobs because he was also late and was caught masturbating in the stalls. He is on the verge of losing his apartment.

    Save yourself from the heartache. If he doesn't want to stop watching porn, then it is time to move on.

    • I am starting to relate to your comments, it isn’t want I want in a relationship is him desiring and wanting sexual stimulation from lots of other woman answer options, when he has it all. I know plenty of other guys would respect and value that from their partner, I have some things to consider.

  • Porn doesn't equal porn. Its like saying that all movies out there would be pro violence.
    Could it be that you only focused on specific genre of porn (yes, there are a lot of genres) just to prove your point to yourself?
    Me and my boyfriend both do watch porn and I do not see any problem with this.
    Besides, almost all men (if not all) do watch porn. Its like being concerned because he's breathing.

    • The issue also is because he has told me he wagched pron cheated on his ex because he didn’t back get enough sex, & didn’t want to watch it anymore... as said previously he volunteered this info to me I didn’t say I had a problem. I know he watches porn sent from mates in messenger, no big deal to me. Then I discover when using husband phone on his internet heaps of porn viewing, this is mainly of teenage girls, lots gang banging videos etc so no for me this type of porn isn’t really what I want to see rocks his boat. I brought up that I saw in when’s using husband phone and he made out it was from messenger, like really I’m no fool. Now because my man is highly sex, loves flirting, has a past and hiding and lying to me that he’s doing it I’m not too cool about it and if it bothers me that is how I feels and I will work on it but I don’t have have to be okay with it at all.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

    It used too when I was younger but sometimes people have an extremely high sex drive or fetishes

  • Apparently watching it doesn't mean anything to some guys... I don't really get it myself. But if u two have an open and comfortable relationship, why not talk about it?

  • It's very normal and you shouldn't be offended by It, both men and women enjoy open even when in a relationship, if it makes you uncomfortable how about suggesting watching it together?

  • I do watch porn quite often (did not when I was younger) and it has not affected my REAL LIFE sexual life.

    Through time of exploring several sorts of porn, I noticed that I like one sort of sexual act and I stick to it when I masturbate. It's not an unreal act, it's something that can (and has) happened. I can't masturbate to things that are too irreal. Nowadays I only use porn to turn on when I have anxiety related to my hormone levels of testosterone, but I do reach climax ALWAYS thinking about real things that have happened in my sex life. Actually, in the present I live married with my second wife (with whom I have a good sexual connection) I only climax thinking about thinks I've done with her. I only use porn to feed my desire when not in the mood, as I masturbate to release tension.

    Watching porn is normal and many women do it too. It's not like cam-sex in which there's some serious implications and intimacy between the two parts. Men don't fall in love with the super hot woman who fucks everyone, nor women who watch porn fall in love with the guy (whose face you barely see) with a gigantic dick. Porn is intended for stimulation, not as a substitute. When a person becomes porn addicted, that's another thing, but most of us real world jackers don't do that.

    It's ok. Try to watch some porn with him, it might not only change your view on it, but also spice up your sex life.

  • I don't have an issue with him watching porn as long as he is discreet about it and it does not impact our relationship or sex life.

    • But if he was leaving it in his browser history and stuff that would bother me.

    • Yeah well it was left on the internet page and then easy to see all the browsing in his history so I straight out asked him, then like he said it came up from a message sent on messenger from his mate. Like seriously, full on search history of many videos.

    • The obvious lie would make me feel uncomfortable.

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  • His porn is not about him not being dissatisfied. It's about his fantasy life. If you want to be part of that, I'd suggest you find out his dirtiest, darkest, kinkiest fantasies and offer to role play them with him. Some of the hottest sex ever!!

    Why Men Watch Porn ↗

    • He talks about tapping out, & figure she it guys lining up and having a turn? Well that doesn’t interest me in the slight less, I get the feeling he has had some interesting experiences before me and may Ben he is getting them fulfilled knowing it ain’t going to happen with me. I’m not interest in a threesome either, unless he would do with another’s guy first hahahhah

    • See that is one of the things I have interest in watching, but I would never do it in real life, even if the opportunity presented itself. There are too many risks involved. STD's, pregnancy, jealousy, among many other reasons. It is interesting to watch and it is a fantasy, but nothing more. I have never done it and I probably never will. And I can live my life never doing it and not regret it at the same time. Just because he watches it, that doesn't mean he really wants to do it, nor does it mean he did do it in the past. I can understand your perspective, but also realize that Porn is separate rom real sex and real life. Don't jump the gun thinking the above, because this will only end up messy, a fight will ensue and all because he watched a couple of videos on the internet, nothing more. It's absolutely no different then some girl reading a romance novel... Should a guy be worried about what happens in those books their partner may read? It is fantasy, nothing more.

  • I wouldn't worry about it honestly. It is something that a lot of guys do no matter how good or bad the sex at home is. Could it be a problem for him? Possibly. But if it isn't affecting yours and his love making, why make it an issue? In fact, if you are curious as to what he finds so interesting about, ask him if he wouldn't mind you watching it with him. Maybe then you can get a deeper understanding of him and what if finds interesting about it.

  • I don’t have a problem with it. It doesn’t hinder our sex life so no issue 😊

  • It's a normal thing, I think it makes things more interesting and keeps the relationship fresh and exciting. I also watch porn even when I'm into a relationship. There is no shame in taking care of your normal human sexual needs. I don't think of it as cheating as by the end of the day you have chosen to be together and to love each other.

  • It's no big deal.

  • He can watch it as much as he wants. I can't be naked for him all of the time

  • I don't see a problem with it as long as it's controlled... if it's everyday I think there might be a problem there. If it's every so often I don't see why not. I do it to make me horny and perform better. But that's me personally. Not sure how men deal with it.

    • Following on your update. Of course it's all a fantasy world and all fake. But so is TV and you watch it. This is the world we live in. Brain washing is the world we live in I'm afraid. We don't stop doing things just because it's fake 😊

  • Its normal

  • I think it's natural to pleasure yourself even if you have lots of sex. And yes, a lot of people need porn to do that. Don't think you're not enough or anything like that. Me and my boyfriend also have sex a lot but both watch porn at home and just play with ourselfs. Just talk to him

  • Don't care. It's porn. It's for masturbation and alone time which everyone needs and uses so I see nothing wrong with my partner watching it. By all means go have fun masturbating

  • I think it's fine. I don't care if he watches porn and jacks off s long as it's not being chosen over having sex with me. If it gets to the point where he'd rather jack it than fuck his girlfriend, there's a problem but if I'm not there, who cares?

    • I love to cum multiple times aday

    • @stewie12 Good for you.

    • Im like a fountain

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  • I have actually watched porn together with a boyfriend. It’s a fun activity to do with an S. O and it’s a totally normal activity for a man or woman to do regardless if they are in a relationship

  • As long as we have sex thats alright. Sometimes he is just way too tired to spend time on foreplay, or perhaps too horny? I don’t know but its not a big problem for me

    • Let's try it

  • Its fine, I don't get why this bothers some girls so much or how it equals their partners not being satisfied; unless its constant of course.

    Sometimes you just want to cum & nothing extra, or thats my logic when I watch/read porn.

    • Really? You went down 'it makes women look like objects' Road? I don't get that impression at all when I watch porn; maybe you shouldn't think of women as objects so much based on what they want to do in their life.

  • He shouldn't have lied about it, but he should be allowed to watch porn if he wants.

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