Technically it is a crime. Real world bedroom politics is not the same as the law though of course. Both the guy and the girl have the clear understanding and intention of having sex together on a routine basis. There is always that deal between a couple.
Certainly one of my past girlfriend's quite liked waking to an orgasm and appreciated it. Other girlfriend's would have been vastly upset and angry and I would never have thought of doing so with them. I think you have to know what you can and can't get away with. We never talked about it any more then her saying 'I like waking up to sex' and we never talked about the rape games she initiated either. Instead we just knew each other.
Technically it is sexual assault if I squeeze a girl's breast without permission. So during the middle of night I rollover toward the warmth of girlfriend and autonomically put my arm around her and cup her breast. So have I technically sexual assaulted her and should she charge me if she wakes to me spooning her in my sleep? I and a lot of men would be serving life sentences if that were the case.
It is also not unknown for a guy - in his sleep - to have sex with his girl. Sexosomnia is not common but not uncommon either. I certainly have and have been soundly asleep the whole time. Plus I only found out about it the next morning at breakfast. Is that rape if the guy is not of conscious mind at the time? (In your scenario, this could be the case).
You raised the situation where a girl wakes up and finds some morning wood and has some fun with it. Is that different because of the gender of the assailant? The only answer can be no. Girls can have sexosomnia as well as guys by the way.
On the other hand, the principal reason rape within marriage became a crime was that some men (and women) violently assault their partner and sexual assault can be one manifestation of that. This is clearly a very different scenario.
There was a rape case in Western Australia where the wife arranged for friend to seduce her husband and just before he ejaculated the friend said 'Stop. Get out'. The poor wretch could not avoid taking that final thrust - not many men would be able to avoid taking the ejaculatory thrust. The friend eventually confessed to the deceit of planning to withdraw consent at that critical moment and the ex husband got a pardon after 5 years.
The point I am making here there is a lot of gray in guys and gals and it is a lot murkier when girls and guys sleep together because fundamentally they are planning to routinely have a lot of sex together.
I am with Germaine Greer when she raised the question 'Is It Rape OR Just Bad Sex'? see https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2018/05/31/feminist-germaine-greer-says-most-rape-is-just-bad-sex/
If he was a random man and tried to fuck her when she was asleep, is that rape? Obviously—unless she told him he could b4hand. Being married doesn't give u a pass for consent. It doesn't mean u always have consent unless they say no. No is always the default that's why consent means anything in the first place.
And ya same w reverse, if those women had no word from u that u were OK w it, and did it when u were asleep, that's also rape. Same as if some random stranger had done it. If u are OK w it and she just didn't ask, then cool thats lucky you were OK w it. But she still is a rapist bc she did it knowingly w/out ur consent.
This specific issue rlly bugs me bc i don't like anything happening when I sleep for other reasons. But I still even if I take extra measures and outright tell them, don't do shit to me when I'm asleep, I've had people ask me why, push for the reason when it shouldn't fucking matter why not. If I had no other reason than I just may not be in the mood, I can't see the future or read my future mind, that should be good enough. U shouldn't have to justify why u don't want sex when you're unconscious. That's fucking default. That's basic shit.
This depends on the context. If they'd had a healthy, loving, sexually active relationship before that incident, I'd say she should tell him she doesn't feel comfortable with that happening and never to do it again. But if they'd been off sex for a while, having disagreements, gone to sleep on a fight, he was drinking, or things in their relationship were just going downhill, then I think she has the right to take this course of action.
We shouldn't have questions and make judgments on situations like this unless we're given all the facts. Marital rape is a thing and has always been a thing. Just because we see lots of hyper-feminists on the internet taking advantage of people believing what women say now (and consequently prompting men to take women even less seriously than before), doesn't mean every situation is like that.
I agree , I am just stating possible reasons why this occurred that’s all I am looking at it from all angles but until there is more of the story we really don’t know , I am just giving assumptions of what possibly could of taken place for him to go that route , I just think the whole pressing charges on him is a little far fetched but that’s just my opinion until I know the whole story behind it and I agree what possessed him to do what he did who knows , she clearly doesn’t love him if she is pressing charges on him and I am not saying he is right by any means I am just stating assumptions of what possible could of happened for him to go this route that’s all
Yes Amy. Just the bald description doesn't give any context except the wife didn't appreciate it. I think your two scenarios and outcomes are fair. In the first case it is more of a sorry and it won't happen again. In the second then it is quite serious. Agree it is just more complicated than a black and white automatic response. If I rollover in the middle of the night and spoon you then it is technically sexual assault. But being charged for that would be a silly outcome. Sexosomnia is also a thing. I can tell you, you certainly don't know you are doing it... because you are asleep. Both guys and girls can do this. And as you conclude it 'doesn't mean every situation is like that'.
My thoughts? I think it's VERY important to talk to your partner about things like this. You should share what kind of things you're into. Your fantasy, your kinks, etc and hear what your partner has to say. If she's okay with it. If she wants to try it too, then it's fine. If she doesn't seem comfortable and says "No" or "I don't know..." Simply don't do that.
Yeah, you married her but that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want to her and whenever you want to with her. Doing things to someone without their consent or when they're unconscious is WRONG. There will always be few things that you're into which your partner might not be into that's why communication is the key to avoid ruining your relationship.
I agree 100 percent because I honestly would just stick my dock into a girl Without her consent but I have been told by girls they would love to experience that which to me is crazy but everyone has weird sexual fantasies and if it’s something she mentioned to him before then I can see why he went down this road to fulfill her fantasy whether she was being serious or just talking out her ass who knows? I am just trying to look at this from all angles we are not mind readers and people say shit all the time on whether they are being serious or just joking around but you never really know so he could of just acted on it based off of what she might of told him before and he was thinking I will fulfill her sexual fantasy, so I am just stating all the possible reasons he went down this road but for her to press charges on him for it to me is a little far fetched to me , yes you can be mad and angry about it and pissed off that your partner did that to you and yes I agree it’s something I wouldn’t do but again I have been with girls that wanted that experience of being raped so if he was just trying to fulfill her fantasy then I don’t see anything wrong with what he did , now if she just took it upon himself to stick his dick in her then yes he definitely crossed a line. But for her to press charges for it it sounds like she is just trying to play a victim to me and she sure as hell doesn’t love her husband if she can go that route is all I am saying
See, the women you mention including your ex.. they mentioned that they would like that kind of sex. It sounds more like the kind og fantasy HE has. If she was into this, she wouldn't be reacting like this. It's not as tricky/difficult you think it. Whether she loved her husband or not anymore doesn't matter. Even if you love someone doesn't mean you want to have sex with them anytime of the day or any sort of sex. Doing anything without discussing it with your partner and getting her/his is rape.
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!I mean I don't know how to answer this. Its best boundaries were explained before they even married. If he knew she was against it then i can't fault her no matter how silly it sounds. But I've also stated boundaries before and certain dudes still broke the rules. They’re lucky i didn't go her route
Exactly , going that route is pretty fucked up to me whether he was wrong or not for what he did Now if he forced her after she said get off then yes I consider that rape but when you have a choice that isn’t rape she could of easily said get the fuck off of me be mad at him for it and packed her bags and left but instead let’s play this victim that my husband that I promised to love and cherish til death do is part let me press charges and ruin his Life so I can play a victim , so I can prove to my secret lover that I wasn’t having sex with my husband anymore, cuz I promised him I don’t let my husband touch me anymore. To me her actions are just pure selfishness , Her husband probably sensed their marriage going to shit and didn’t know what was wrong and trying to save his marriage by being intimate with her and little do girls realize that’s how us men show our love to our woman and how we want to be close to her , we don’t show emotions as much as girls do , intimacy and affection os very important to a man when he isn’t receiving that from a girl that he took her hand in marriage he feels unvalued unloved , worthless , not understand where he went wrong , thinking damn her and I use to duck like bandits now all of a sudden she doesn’t even want to touch me anymore? What did I do wrong , did I get ugly , I asked if she wanted a divorce and she says No so what is it? I love this girl with all my heart so maybe I am just going to jump her bones and bring back the spark we use to have because I don’t want to lose my wife but I also don’t want to be a punching bag either , so this is my last chance I am just going to stick it on her hoping she wants me like I want her , Damn now she is pressing charges against me and who is this other guy all of a sudden?
After what I've been through, i could understand if he changed down the line. But i won't take either of their side since i wasn't there to see formmyself
Rape is considered rape when you have one party that has not consented to sex. That would be rape, then.
I guess if she feels that way. Personally I just let my husband do his thing in the middle of the night. If he doesn't wake me all the better.
Nope. Not touching this one.
(That's what she said)
With a spouse or another person, each person has the right to decide if and when sex is okay. Whether each time or by accepted agreement in advance. Not knowing the details, I would not assume to know if it was right or not to charge rape.
Consent. It’s a human right to have say so over ones own body, no conditions.
It's definitely rape unless she consented beforehand. Like me and my husband have set rules for this type of thing
That's going a little far, I think
How does she know he wasn't sleep-fucking either?
It's only rape if they previously agreed he won't do it. That she didn't enjoy it suggests they had problems before.
Exactly
if someone thinks it is just alright to force yourself on someone unconscious and also feel justified to do so... there has to be something very wrong with that person
um yes both of these situations count as rape, even if you're married, anything other than a firm yes is a no.
If it hasn't been discussed beforehand and she didn't consent to it, it's rape.
Lot's of girls blew you and rode you while you were sleeping? Yeah, right.
Yes right , at party’s I went to with alcohol involved of course
If there was bo prior concent or understanding that it was fine yes it would be rape marriage or a relationship don't give u the right to fuck when u want
But its not OK for it to happened to men women just don't get charged because other men don't view it as assault which it is again if beforehand she has said that would be fine then thats concent given ahead of time but only a idiot will risk waking someone up by having sex with them especially in a day and age where concent is such a key thing
@Finchie40 "Men are just shit on constantly , my thinking the only reason she is pressing charges is because she is probably cheating on him with someone else , typical whore" Woah, there. Just because someone didn't like what he assumed she'd be okay with doesn't mean she's a typical whore who's cheating on her husband with someone else. Snap out of it already. I've been cheated on too but that doesn't mean I make generalisations like that and wants to find an excuse to accuse men of cheating on their partners. It doesn't hurt to discuss things like that beforehand. It's YOUR fault if you think you can just grab her and do her whenever you please, whatever the way you want to and she has no right to say no. This isn't stone age times anymore.
I'm honestly confused no any assumptions as to how or why this happed as the bottom line is simply put if u don't have concent to do somthing before doing it under law it's classed as rape like how is that up for debate even if we entertained the part that she might have cheated that dont give him the right to fuck her whilst she sleeps this ain't the wild west
Gosh this really is something that really depends. Marital rape is a complicated issue.
Yes, yes you could have pressed charges.
And yes, if you put your dick in someone without permission, especially when they aren't even conscious, that's rape, and I don't appreciate you making a joke out of this.
Sorry , I was mainly being sarcastic from the principal of it all , basically saying why isn’t this considered a double standard , that it’s not ok for a guy to do but ok for a girl to do , but all in all rape is a horrible thing to do to someone without their consent , even though I didn’t mind those girls taking advantage of me it could of gone the other way around if I wasn’t ok with it I would of stopped them and pushed them off but I wouldn’t go as far as pressing charges , I would only press charges if I didn’t have a choice and I was forced Now this case I believe will be thrown out of the court system because there is definitely two sides of the story and they are a married couple and there is so much who is right or wrong when it comes to marriage , even the Bible states a wife should not withhold intimacy and affection from her husband so to say who is right or wrong would be hard to pinpoint unless he forced her and beat her then had is way with her then yes that be a different story but he can easily say he was half asleep and he thought he heard his wife say come fuck me who knows , but the fact that she is going this route is kind of fucked up like she is playing a victim to something she had a choice to stop , to me it sounds like she has a secret lover or some shit , that she promised to him that she wouldn’t have sex with her husband anymore , if you are that unhappy with your spouse in your marriage then leave is my thinking don’t stay with someone that you don’t want to be intimate with and share deep feelings with for your connivence so you can be a piece of shit elsewhere , people are so selfish in this world to the point they think their shit don’t stink and act like they were put on earth to be treated like a fucking king or queen at all times , I am siding with the husband on this one for the simple fact that’s how us men show are love to our woman sex is our way of being close to her if she is constantly denying me sex then she is
Not the girl for me , this husband has probably tried numerous times to be close to her and she kept pushing him off and he probably thought hey this is my last shot to save our marriage I am going to fuck her like we use to fuck in the beginning like we use to , when we first met and we fucked like bandits , Girl’s don’t realize the damage they do to their men when they constantly deny him sex and affection it’s pretty much abuse to a man , we give out heart to a girl protect her provide for her give her everything she wants and then when she gets it she then gets bored of it and starts latching on to some other douchebag cuz of his status , So until I hear both sides of the story this is just me rambling on but I feel for that husband because I been in his shoes before and I been the secret lover before , so sadly this is why most men today do not want relationships because most girls are very selfish people that only really think of themselves
The fact you are siding with the one who fucked an unconscious person, without prior consent, not only do I find horrifying, but you just lost every ounce of respect I had for you. It doesn't matter if she withheld sex for any reason, that's her right. NOBODY has the right to do that to someone. Not even a spouse.
With no evidence except hearsay, it wouldn't stand up in court. If she so much as hinted at that, I would divorce her as soon as I could empty the bank and get to the lawyer's office.
I agree that he should probably empty his bank acc before she does, but wow you need evidence of rape from a spouse?
@DizzyDesii The timing of the police report is critical. Waiting a week loses momentum.
That makes sense
If she told him before hand that she didn't wanna fuck, it could be seen as rape.
It is rape, but it’s not like he held her down and forced her so I think it’s a big overreaction tbh. Sounds like she already planned on leaving prior.
It also kinda depends tho, if she had trauma around things like that and he did it anyways then I think it’s pretty justified that he gets charged
Not to argue with you but, wouldn't it BE rape if he drugged her first? In other words, in the scenario, he wouldn't have to hold her down, either.
Yea if he drugged her then yes that is rape not leaving her a choice
Oh yeah if he drugged her that’s fucked
There’s a lot of gray area here. But it Hass to do with consent.
Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
AI Bot Choice
Superb Opinion