What should I do about my husband breaking the always with condom rule with our open marriage?

Basically the title. My husband and I have high sex drives but often have to work different hours and so we both wanted more sex than the 1-2ish times a week we could find the time to do it with each other. So we decided to try an open marriage and it has been working great. We started with one rule and that was that we always had to wear condoms with other people.

I found out that my husband has been breaking that rule with one of the regulars that he has been sleeping with for around a year. But he said that they only started going bare recently. He says that he is sorry and everything and that it wasn't until he got test results from her. Honestly, if he has asked first and showed me the test I probably would have told him he could, but him hiding it from me has just hurt my trust.

He says that he will do anything to prove that he is sorry but I am not sure what that should be. I am thinking of maybe making him take a break for a month or maybe I sleep with one of my lovers bare, but I think it would be best to just accept his apology and tell him not to hide stuff from me again.
0 3

Superb Opinion

  • Open marriage = translation = personal & approved invitation to cheat.
    I don't know why people in these settings have to taint the concept of marriage. Why not be truthful, you'll feel better, and simply call it what it is? Friends with benefits.

    Neither "spouse" respects the other - look at your "husband" he disrespects the "rules" & your oh-so intelligent response as "wife" is to do the same - this situation so lovingly proves your marriage is a farce of convenience and about as real as flying purple pigs.

    Before any children come into the picture, either some brat of you two or some unexpected bastard with a "regular", get unmarried & get lost from each other.

Most Helpful Girl

  • The problem with this arrangement is that you can never be sure he’s using protection with any partner and guys typically hate using condoms and will ditch them first chance they get. If you’re still having sex with him, it could be risky business.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I mean it sounds like going bare would be good for the both of you. And excepting his apology is important but he broke your trust so maybe trying something different for the both of you would help. Maybe try a threesome so you can keep an eye on him a little. And so they both remember just how much he loves you more?

    • Thank you for the MHO!!

  • With open relationships, it's merely just boundaries that are agreed to and the fact it was talked about, and you telling him that he didn't need to hide it sounds good to move forward. We are fine with not using condoms with non-primary partner if some conditions are met.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 18
  • The key is trust and communication. I think the condom rule every time is very reasonable.

  • Open marriages should be reclassified as open adultery, why put the marriage label on it if you intend to sleep with other people?

    Might be the stupidest of relationship situations for several reasons.

  • I don’t understand how this is considered marriage? How long do you think it will be before one of you catches feelings for someone “better” and leaves?

  • once trust is broken it's nearly impossible to fix or replace it.

  • If this is the stuff you both enjoy then more power to you. I could never do it but to each is own. I believe in an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. He did it bare so that gives you a free ride with your sex partner.

  • Just take out that rule so both of you can enjoy sex with no condom and fucking bare. It only fair since he has done already and I don't blame him sex with a condom honestly really sucks for a guy you can't feel anything! But he definitely should have talked to you first about removing that law or making exceptions only for people you trust.

  • This isn’t marriage

  • Probably best to forgive him.

  • You ok now?

  • Well his breaking your trust as well as putting you both at risk

  • He needs a serious talking too.. rules are rules.

  • Just try accepting it.

  • Make him go without for a month, but he has to watch you being pleased

  • It's going to be hello Daddy then who my daddy

  • You use pills and let another guys cum inside you for revenge...

  • So you never go bare with other guys

  • Open Marriage? Lmao you belong to the streets

  • You leave. Once your trust has been violated there is no repairing it. He will only continue to violate this rule. Then you will end up with syphilis or worse.