What should I do if my boyfriend won’t initiate rougher sex sometimes and avoids conversation about it?

Obviously don’t come home intoxicated often but I do like twice a month max when I hang out with my close friends and we drink and catch up from work. I’ve noticed my boyfriend won’t take my advantages to him when I initiate after drinking because I know he won’t really want to do it when I’m sober. I did talk to him about It and he said he never noticed which isn’t true but I didn’t want to argue.
Last time we did have sex and he was super gentle and I got really frustrated because it’s not how I wanted it and I ended up trying to get him to pull my hair or do something at least thrust harder and he wouldn’t budge. I gave him permission. We do it Lovingly all the time and I enjoy that but sometimes I want something different I want him to be more aggressive occasionally. I honestly don’t feel satisfied and him lying to me instead of having an honest conversation doesn’t help.
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Superb Opinion

  • The only real way is discussing it, you do need to sit down and work it out.

    if he is not willing to meet you half way, then you do have a sexual compatibility problem.

    you need to work out what level of rougher sex will give you release.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I can answer this. What's going through his mind is.. "She's such a sweet girl.. I don't want to hurt her" kind of.. He don't know that you want and you enjoy the pain. Tell him to fuck you harder and harder. Tell him to be wild, rough, messy and super dominant.
    When I first squeezed my girlfriend's boobs, she enjoyed it but said she had pain for next 3 days. And the second I was doing it gently (trying not to hurt her) but she asked me to squeeze harder and harder.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Does he pick it up when you ask for it sober? have you tried? or you just know he won't? Basically is it possible he's worried about you coming back after you're sober and saying you didn't want it?

  • Can’t usually have it all in a relationship. You two are sexual incompatible and he doesn’t care about giving u what u want, so either accept it or move on.

    • sexually*

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Move on.
    Your sexual chemistry is a mismatch and it will never get to be what both of you need or want.

  • Sounds like you need to take some time to evaluate your relationship to determine whether or not you are actually compatible.

  • He's not into rough sex, so stop asking.

  • He probably was taught while growing up that guys should be gentle and loving with women cause they are fragile.
    Since you are unhappy with him not wanting to get rougher with you. You have nothing to loose if you take control and show him what your sexual urges can do for him,
    Possibly if you piss him off enough, him might come around to what your are looking for.
    If you don’t care to loose him. Learn to enjoy a more loving and gentle man.
    Good luck!

  • Find someone else

  • If you have loving sex and you enjoy it, why do you need rough sex to be satisfied?

  • I would never Initiate rough sex because I hate rough sex

  • You may have to take control and show him what you want.

    • He doesn’t like when I take control 😔

    • Then that relationship I don't know if it will work.

  • tell him openly what do you want.

  • Just tell him what you want.
    Ask him to do it how you want 'only once' and then more and more.

    In case that is not enough, tell him, that you are not satisfied and in case he steps up you considering to move on.

    You could offer something in return too.

    All talks need to be done not during sex and even you can find some Porn video on what you want to be 'done to you', for him to see.

  • Just flat out tell him. Guys don't get subtle hints. Just explain to him that he needs to be more aggressive. Simple as that.