What to do about a prudish girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

[ apologize about the length] We are in a long distance relationship so every now and then she asks to see my penis on the phone. Cool, no problems doing that. However when I ask to see some skin in return, she just shows me her in her underwear. It's been a year and nothing has changed, it's getting old... seriously. Like its difficult to even get a boner where as before simply her voice would do the trick. She even asks me to watch porn so that she can see it erect, how lame. When I talk to her about it, she gets upset saying that I don't understand her feelings. I can't even get her fully naked when we are together for sex but she gets upset when I don't. What upsets me is tha she told me she used to show her ex's her body during sex. I know relationships are not foundated solely upon sex but I don't know, I guess it is more important than I had originally thought that it was. Is there any way I can ease her into it or will she be stuck in her same mindset. She gives blowjobs for like 1 minute tops, only likes missionary and cowgirl, and won't even let finger/eat her out to get her off, resulting in a dry vagina that doesn' get wet (require lube) until we get well into stroking... foreplay is only me licking her body. I didn't want to be that guy because I always used to talk crap about guys like that saying they didn't understand their girls but I can kinda see where they are coming from now. Is there anything I can do or are we sexually incompatible?

[ak666]

To me there's two issues:

1) long distance
2) when you're together

#1 is always kind of miserable, but maybe don't show her your pics if she doesn't show her yours -- y'know, give and take.

For #2, maybe when you're together, maybe try just taking control of the bedroom. As horrible as it sounds, think "pseudo-rape". This is way easier said than done, I know.

I was with a girlfriend who had a similar thing, kind of allergic to foreplay in general, yet simultaneously complaining about pain during intercourse. I was too chicken back then to pull this move, but I was very young and inexperienced back then.

The thing is, if you just kind of grab her body, throw her on the bed, bury your face in her crotch, she might find it hard to resist and start to enjoy it, basically just let out your sexual aggression and you might be surprised to get a positive response, or you might get a negative response and have to back off and stay frustrated, who knows.

But it's something to try if you're getting fed up.

[Asker]

So annoying. Other few girls I had didn't give me this issue. I have to basically force her?

[ak666]

Maybe not think of it as "force", but "spontaneity", kind of unleashing that aggression in the bedroom. I never tried it on that girlfriend I described (we only had a short relationship, and it became long-distance and I didn't try to continue it), but I've found at least a handful of women who appreciate this kind of stunt where you transform from gentle and attentive lover usually into a wild beast who can't help himself. I never had this backfire, and it let me try more sexual positions like doggy, do more wild things like put the girl against a wall and have sex, even with very reserved women who might just normally do missionary and cowgirl. You'll know it's going well if you hear a sound that's kind of initially one of total surprise and pleasure at the same time, followed by just pleasure sounds.

[ak666]

You kind of have to half-ignore her to do this, which is why I call it "pseudo-rape" (horrible word I know that has all kinds of controversy, I just don't know any better way to describe it). It's tempting to think all women want the most intimate, romantic sex with the most attentive and selfless lover. But it's sometimes good to switch it up and just be totally aggressive and selfish in the bedroom, just unleash that inner beast. It's not something you want to do always necessarily, just occasionally, but it might broaden her mind, make her more open to new positions and acts.

[Asker]

Believe me, I tried that. Tried to flip her over for doggy, tried to push my face into her vaginal area, she even resisted me lickin her tits but she warmed up to that n likes it. My thing is I shouldn't have to try so hard if she supposedly loves me like she says. She isn't that interested in sex it seems. I also wonder why I always have to use lube initially, she doesn't get wet. Is that my fault?

[ak666]

It's really hard to make a girl get wet without any stimulation down there. My wife gets wet sometimes if I just put on a nice suit, make her a romantic dinner -- she's one of those types who gets off on like the intimacy and romance of the moment, and most of the time she likes a TLC approach to everything (but occasionally likes it when I mix it up). You might be able to find ways to make her wet without fingering or tonguing her, but it would be difficult unless you can at least kind of check to see how wet she is becoming. You could ask her to guide you and tell you what she likes, some girls get all stimulated if you tongue their nipples, some don't, some like it if you kiss very passionately, some don't. It does sound like you're girl is really prudish and reserved in the bedroom, and she might be one of those kinds of mystery puzzle boxes that no man can really unlock.

[ak666]

you're/your

[ak666]

Oh, I missed the part where you can't even lick her tits. Yeah, I had exactly the same type long ago. I don't know what goes on in their brain, if they even like sex at all, or just felt the need to do it for my sake. You might try kind of snuggling up next to her and talking about this, all cuddly-like: mind-meld.

[Asker]

My friends think im crazy n weak for stayin with her cuz her selfishness extends beyond just sex

[ak666]

I see -- the bedroom often echoes something from outside. This is going to come off as incredibly sexist, but you might try just kind of being bossy and dominant everywhere (inside bedroom, outside), kind of bend her to your will. It might not work, she might just be a kind of bossy one who makes all boyfriends play by her narrow rules only, in which case you might want to search for a new one. But if you really like some other qualities about her, you might try this. The kind of "I don't give a damn" attitude if you're getting tired of her rules might help you kind of be more assertive and do whatever you want.

[ak666]

"I'm not playing by your rules, I'm playing by my rules", you can try thinking like that. And then maybe she'll end up getting annoyed with you instead of the other way around -- you set the stage -- but ideally she opens up a bit and loosens up the rules.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that you don't understand her feelings and that she should explain them to you. Tell her you want to have a relationship where both of you are completely comfortable around each other, and where there is no reservations. And that, so far, this relationship isn't what you want it to be.

[Boomer123]

Tell her if she wants to see you she must show you her