What to do when you are constantly denied sex when you initiate it with your partner but you don’t deny them when they initiate it with you?

[Finchie40]

You love your partner but they are going through menopause , Your partner denies you sex when you initiate it but when they initiate it you are all about it cuz you want them in your arms, but it’s hard for you to relax and enjoy sex with them because you feel used but you want to please them and want things to be better between the both of you , but you have question marks as to why all of a sudden are they coming on to you when they been denying you? When it used to not be a big deal at all you but all of a sudden things have been bumpy , I am dealing with this now in my relationship and I don’t know what to do, This is embarrassing but I need help , The past few times we had sex that she initiated , it has ended in disaster cuz I am unable to please her , cuz for some fucked up reason my penis is now overly sensitive now and I am finishing to fast and it’s pissing me off and her off , which makes things worse cuz now I feel like why all of a sudden is my dick doing this What is wrong with me? I have never had this problem before with her so I I been trying everything to fix this problem so I can satisfy her I been buying numbing sprays been jerking off more to decrease the sensitivity I bought viagra , doing everything I can to fix this problem , but she doesn’t make it easy for me , she says mean things to me that make me feel worse she makes comments that she is going To get satisfied elsewhere , I defend myself and say Then Go do it then because maybe if you fucked me more I wouldn’t be having this problem , it’s like she makes me wait for her to come to me and by the time she comes to me I am craving her but I can’t relax , and now I can’t last in the sack with her , these past few months I been feeling a change within her , she has been focusing more on her fitness and her looks but she was always gorgeous to me , She has been buying new clothes etc. She claims she isn’t cheating on me but part of me feels like she will if I don’t fix this shit

[RealMarek]

Menopause can be difficult to navigate. I think you’re less apt to last long during sex when you don’t have sex regularly or possibly because of nervousness about the sexual relationship. The only way out of this difficulty is for the two of you to really care for each other and be able to communicate about it without being hurtful. Ideally, you can understand that her level of desire is changing and might be very inconsistent at best. Hopefully she can understand that you need sex and will perform better if you have sex with some regularity. Also, if you’re not physically fit, it would be great to get fit with her. Being fit helps with endurance during sex (one of the problems) and will give you better odds of keeping the mutual attraction going.

[Charliefretz329]

You need counseling. I don’t know why this happens but it does. I think that communication skills will help y’all but it’s a really problem at our age…


My wife has lost most of her sex drive also…

[FictionalCharacter]

Dang, sorry about your situation. I’m embarrassed myself to post some questions about my ‘intimacy/affection’ problems with my boyfriend. That he just doesn’t find me sexual/physically attractive, the way I do with him.

I’m not talking to him at the moment, since he gives me this disdain look, that really makes me insecure and sad.

[Anonymous]

I've talked to many married guys that have this problem. They say their wives lost interest in sex. I tell them that the wife didn't lose interest in sex, she lost interest in sex with YOU. I'm to the point where I think monogamy doesn't work. Just look at the crap it's caused you.

[Finchie40]

I have talked to her numerous times and expressed my feelings of concern to her asking her a shit ton of questions if she is still attracted to me , asking her if she wants to see other people? I put my foot down to her and pretty much told her if she isn’t in love with me anymore then it’s ok people get bored and people change , I love you but I can’t force you to be with me , but right now I feel you are stringing me along for whatever reason , the affection and intimacy has died down to the point I feel I have to beg for it with you and I don’t want that, I am human also and have feelings , it’s like when I get to the point of walking away she comes chasing me back , I tell her I am not a fucking game or a convenience, you either want to be with me or not. The fact that you barely touch me anymore and distancing yourself from me makes me feel like I am not the guy for you , I feel like you are just keeping me around until something better comes along , I’m sorry I feel this way but it’s the truth , I know nobody’s relationship isn’t perfect but this is all red flags of someone losing interest in you, So yes my insecurities are going to rise cuz I feel used. I been down this road before , Then I walk away after a little she will come to me and apologize and being sweet and long to me again , so I am at a point I feel she needs therapy cuz she is so back and fourth and maybe I do as well but I also know I am not the one pushing her away , just because I failed to please her in bed the past few times doesn’t mean I don’t love her , All I ask her is to support me through this.

[Opinion Owner]

In my opinion, therapy doesn't work. It just drains your wallet. But I hope she comes around.

[Finchie40]

Yea I am hoping my penis does as well lol

[Opinion Owner]

Why get some little blue pills?

[Finchie40]

Getting hard isn’t the problem , holding back from busting a load is, All of a sudden my penis has been super sensitive

[Opinion Owner]

There's a spray that's supposed to work like a charm for that, but I can't remember the site

[Finchie40]

I bought one that seems to work that infested on myself and it seems to work but I still haven’t tried it on her cuz apparently it’s a turn off to her that I have to use a numbing spray to fuck her , so to me it sounds like all excuses , and reasons why she doesn’t want to have sex with me she used KY a few times and I didn’t complain at all , so I realize she is only cares about herself and that I only get laid when it’s convenient to her , but when it’s convenient for her I have to wait until she is in the mood to have sex which I told her isn’t working for me I told her The lack of sex in the relationship is probably the reason my dick isn’t working like it use to , considering her and I use to screw like crazy but now it’s like I better be prepared or I will kill the moment , and I honestly feel that is what is causing troubles in the bedroom cuz only she can initiate it but I can’t , if I initiate it I am shot down , so part of me feels like I am her wind up toy now that needs to be fixed cuz the second I fail her in bed I am the biggest piece of shit and back in the toy box I go, , I have expressed my feelings of concern to her and told her to please help me with this if she still wants to be with me and loves me , if not then I understand where I stand and we are probably better off going out separate ways, she says she loves me and wants us but it’s hard To really understand what she wants

[Opinion Owner]

With the product I heard about, you can get spray or small wipes. She would never know. Just slip into the bathroom and put it on. The guy selling it, tried it out first, and he said he lasted 40 minutes. But I think something else is going on, nothing will fix this.

[Finchie40]

I did see wipes advertised from Hims which I been debating on buying but like you said I feel something else is going on as well and I can’t really put my finger on it , it’s like she is dealing with mental issues cuz she is so back and fourth and she is on medications for depression and doesn’t know what she wants. I am not a cheater but lately It has been crossing my mind sadly to say cuz of the way she has been acting makes me think maybe she is cheating or planning on cheating on me and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings which I told her if she cheats on me to please just end the relationship , cuz I know if I cheat on her I am ending the relationship with her , that’s my thing if you can cheat on someone then that answers your own question that you don’t love someone and you are best to let them go , it hurts like crazy but life goes on , she claims she isn’t cheating on me and I mostly believe her cuz she is with me a lot but I tell her she pretty much is already cheating on me by withholding intimacy and affection from me and making me wait until you come to me. I tell her all this stuff to the point I am ok if she walks away cuz I am exhausted from begging for affection from her , I just want to feel wanted and want her to be happy , when I fail her in bed I feel absolutely horrible, she takes it as I am getting off and she isn’t , which I tell her is not true at all , what turns me on is making her get the Big O then I enjoy busting my load , but lately tables have turned and that’s why I am so upset that I am failing to please her when I never had this problem before , I even told her it’s not even really the sex I am after i am after her affection, I want her to make me feel wanted like I want her to feel , but I can’t ask for it , by asking for it isn’t the same , when I been giving her affection she kind of pushes me away and tells me she is not really touchy Feely , so I tend to back off and then I think maybe I need that

[Finchie40]

Maybe being with someone that isn’t touchy Feely is the problem, I been analyzing so much shit on my head lately and I don’t know what direction to turn , I know I love her cuz I wouldn’t be tolerating all this shit but I know it’s not healthy for me either so I am just trying to breath and pray she turns this shit around whatever she is going through , as for me I am not Going to be happy until I can make her tap out again why I am doing my best to fix whatever the fuck is going on

[Opinion Owner]

Anti-depression meds fuck you up. I've known people on Prozac, and they have zero sex drive. Maybe try and get her off of those. But if won't, just tell her you want her to find a guy on the side. Then you do the same thing, and your problem is solved.

[Opinion Owner]

that sucks

[Finchie40]

Side pieces don’t work for me , I won’t be in a commitment with someone if they can’t just commit to me like i do them

[Opinion Owner]

Tnen you don't have many options.

[Finchie40]

Like I said , if I end up fucking someone else , then that is my answer to end the relationship with her

[Opinion Owner]

Yep.

[DizzyDesii]

Next time they ask, tell em, Mmm whats thats particular word you tell me everytime i insist... N-N-N-N Hell No