What would be your reaction if your girlfriend has vaginismus?

For example, you've been together for a year, but she still doesn't allow you to have sex. I know couples who have even divorced because of this problem. What would be your reaction?

0 1

Superb Opinion

  • If somehow she had not been unaware of the condition, I would have understood it in advance of PIV from fingering. She might pass one finger but, I am thinking, not two, which is what I use for G-spot play. I would have noticed her clenching as a reaction to the sudden sensation of penetration and might expect first intercourse to be a no-go.

    Vaginismus is not like Lupus, which stiffens the vaginal wall. It is a nervous reaction that many women get from first penetration but is usually, but not always, overcome by familiarity. As a couple, we would probably have settled back to mutual oral until she got a diagnosis from an MD. If we loved each other and wanted to address the problem as a team, we could do so. The MD would likely prescribe a sequence of dilators, like these. Important that length is not the issue of Vaginismus. It is girth:

    What would be your reaction if your girlfriend has vaginismus?

    As a part of sexual intimacy, I would start with the minimum size 2 (.5" dia/1.57" girth), about the size of my little finger, and gradually work our way up to size 6 or 7. Each increase would likely only cause a mild reaction and would condition her to not experience a Vaginismus event when we had sex. And her "therapy' could be a source of sexual forplay/enjoyment for both of us.

    But here it is. If "we" were comfortable with mutual oral/69, Vaginismus would not be a deal breaker even of the therapy was not successful.

Most Helpful Guy

  • A medical problem isn't a moral issue- well, except maybe kuru, but we're not talking about that. If she's willing to see a doctor, we'll try that. If not, we'll try to work through it together- from what I've read, vaginismus can clear up through time and experience, and we can do that.

    "No PIV" isn't the same thing as "no sex"; we've still got fingers and tongues, and if you're patient and creative, you can still satisfy each other. Many women would probably want to avoid ANY form of sex altogether if they feel they're not perfect, but goodness knows I'm not perfect either.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I have similar issue but you can solve it you just need to communicate and work it out. You can start with him massaging your outer part and then slowly put in his little finger and then you continue the process until you feel comfortble. It took me 3 weeks to loose my virginity. Now its been years so ill have to restart the process

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 10
  • I would leave her unless she trying to fix that.

    https://allthetropes.org/wiki/I%27m_a_Man,_I_Can%27t_Help_It

  • I would surly know about it before she was my girlfriend lol unless she hid it

  • Not too surprised if she's waiting for marriage

    • Marriage didn't cure vaginismus

    • What is vaginismus?

    • Vaginismus is the body's automatic reaction to the fear of vaginal penetration

    • Show All
  • Seek medical help.

  • Definitely breaking up. after a month or so with no sex. Sexual incompatibility is a serious problem in a relationship.

  • if she has vaginismus then yeah i still be with her. if she's been keeping it form me for a year then i might consider a break up since keeping secrets in a relationship is a hard no no for me.

  • Let her have time to relax and help her through it.

  • Religious couples?

  • This sounds like it would be a real barrier to a healthy sexual relationship. It appears there are treatments for this condition, that’s a plus. I guess a couple would have to improvise until her Vagina is able to be penetrated.

  • Probably find a new one, not married to them so I could leave very easily

  • I dated a girl that wouldn't let me go down on her, barely let me touch her ass, which was a thing of perfection but she loved intercourse and satisfying me. I still broke up with her after 6 months. I have to taste and smell a woman's body! I saw she just wasn't going to let me. If it was the opposite and she wouldn't let me have actual intercourse, I honestly think I could hold out. There are so many ways for her to get me "off".