Hmmm that's a tricky situation indeed. I would say that if she's asking you to do something then she is telling you that's what she wants so if you're comfortable enough and trust yourself/her enough, you should go for it.
Choking during sex is not actually suffocating/harming someone when done properly. You're supposed to put pressure on the veins in the neck because that causes more endorphins to be released which in turn creates a more pleasurable/intense sensation during sex. It's possible that this is her way of working through her past sexual trauma but even at that point she's asking you for help in working through that which means she trusts you.
Doing this when she asks could actually build trust and create a better relationship between you two. For the simple fact that you're in a position and have the strength to harm her but because you care about her, you aren't going to harm her, you're only going to pleasure her. On a personal note, that's something that really attracts me to men. When they have the strength/ability to harm yet they use it to protect instead. It's a weird, kinda fucked up thing but honestly makes me feel safer with them.
😳 who the fuck are you? How is every answer I get on this question more brilliant than the last? I pulled the smartest group on this one! Seriously, thank you. That makes perfect sense. I definently get that vibe from her and I've told her multiple times that no one's ever gonna hurt her again. I personally don't enjoy the choking, but I see what you mean and why that would turn her on. Honestly, she's worth it. If that's what she wants, I can learn to get into it
Awww I hope it goes well for you two! Good luck!
Thanks again. I appreciate you!
You shouldn’t do it, tell her hurting her won’t make you feel good. Sometimes we learn what bad men like and then think that’s how to please anyone she probably thinks it will turn you on or that she thinks she needs to feel fear to cum because that’s connected to her sexual experience. You should keep loving her respectfully and with care and hopefully she will learn that it’s better that way, I did.
Holy shit... this was a beautiful answer. It think you're 100% right too. You guys are smarter than me on all this
Thank you, I know it’s not easy and she will be in a difficult place for a while but positive sexual experiences can be very healing.
Absolutely! Thank you for sharing your own experience with this. I'm not into that choking shit, whether she was abused or not
Send her to therapy? Maybe. Probably.
No but on a more personal level. I'd stop things. Have a relaxed, meaningful talk about where I stand in relation to it. How I view her and us. And then if I am still okay with this and she wants it? I'd set up a plethora of safewords, actions and alike to signal all is well.
It isn't exactly rare. And I wouldn't take everything at face value. But for me to feel comfortable I need her to know she is safe, and also for me to feel I am treating her well. And so, enter class 101, 102, 103 and probably 104 on how to play safe with consent in any form of bdsm.
That's a fantastic answer... wow. Thank you!
Oh and I didn't think I had to point it out but two more small things: 1. Keep a papertrail. It sucks, but sometimes that is not a bad idea. Especially if it ventures into rougher territory. 2. As a more fun one but very important; There are many ways to choke someone. If you do not know the differences between a sensual or sexual choking and a going-to-make-them-pass-out-cold one? Go study that too. In fact, anything involving anyone's safety? Study it first. You might of course already know but you'd be shocked at how many people do not. So better safe than sorry. Welcome to kink, maybe.
Lol! That's actually solid advice. I appreciate it. She's the least vanilla girl I've ever been with
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!If I wasn’t into that, I’d break up with them. Her past is part of who she is now, and I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. You’re just not sexually compatible
I think you're probably right. She's really young too, she's only 22
Thanks for the answer! I agree with you
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