Sexual Relationships
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When Should You Have Sex with A New Partner?

When Should You Have Sex with A New Partner?

I don't believe that there's a perfect time to decide when to have sex with someone. But I do think there are ways to know when you're comfortable enough. Adventure is fun, but how can you know when to have sex, like when you really want it?

This article has aweessome tips! I picked a couple to post here:

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

When Should You Have Sex with A New Partner?

When we're figuring out if we're ready for sex with a partner, if we want to ask ourselves the most basic questions possible, those are:

Do I want to have this kind/these kinds of sex for myself, physically, emotionally and intellectually? Do the other person's physical, emotional and intellectual wants also seem in alignment? Do each of us feel like, or seem like, we care as much about what the other wants as we want for ourselves?

Do I want to do this at this time, in this setting, with this particular person? Does the other person want to do what we're going to now and with me?

Do I have a good sense of what possible wanted and unwanted experiences and outcomes this can entail? Do I feel pretty prepared for them? How about the person I'm about to have sex with: are they aware and prepared?

If there are unwanted outcomes I can avoid -- like pregnancy, infection, getting hurt in some way -- am I prepared with what I need to do/use to try and prevent them well? Is the other person? Are we in agreement about the ways we're going to protect ourselves?

I think these questions are a little too detailed, but I love their points. Do you actually want to have sex? Do you want a relationship? Do you think the other person feels the same way you do? Do you need to talk about anything with them? It's not that you have to talk a lot, if you don't want to. It's just that you can flesh some things out, instead of wondering.

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Intercourse or other partnered genital sex will not necessarily do any of the following for you or your partner:

Guarantee a longer-lasting or closer relationship than you already have or guarantee joy or sorrow

Give you or them an orgasm, or mind-blowing, earth-moving pleasure

Feel great the first time, or feel like the ninth circle of hell, either

Give you increased status or importance with your friends or partner

Make you more mature, or grown-up, or a "real" man or woman

This is cool. They say that you shouldn't expect sex to be awesome, but that you shouldn't expect it to be terrible either. They just say to not make it a do or die situation. I think this is great advice. Sex doesn't guarantee anything. But you don't have to feel crushed if things end badly either.

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There are way more tips in this article here, and so much else. They talk about how Ahole friends will give terrible advice about sex, because they want you to have bad experiences too, so they don't feel like it's only them. They talk about how it's normal to not orgasm from or even enjoy sex. It just makes sex more...realistic.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's funny to me how people actually think about when they should be intimate with their partners. I understand if it's a thing about timing for a pregnancy or for not having one. Or, you have to wait because of medical issues (surgery recovery, testing, medications, etc.). But either than that, I never actually plan or think about the "right" time to be sexual with a new partner, baring location, environment, or if company is around. It's just when the feeling comes over us. I don't usually initiate because I don't want to be accused of coming on too strong, or have an awkward situation arise. But, it never really is planned out. Maybe on her end. If it's for a special occasion, such as if she wanted to wait for our first time, than I'd make it special perhaps.

Most Helpful Girl

  • For me, it's not about not knowing if I or he wants it, it's obvious. And it's obvious we want to make the other's head spin. But for me, as I get older and enter the adult dating scene, I understand that things have changed-sex in the first few dates is common, sometimes before things are official... my worry is that we'll have sex and then he will leave... or change his mind.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 15

  • When you both feel totally ready and comfortable, you both want to, and you are both ready to be responsible when it comes to birth control and STD protection.

  • As soon as you're both ready.
    There is no set time, just as soon as both are comfortable

  • Whenever you feel it. I've waited for 2 months, and I've done it on the first night. Just depends on the guy. I met a guy last year at a fun run and we were fucking by 3 in the afternoon lol. Chemistry is everything.

    • I hope you don't mind I private messaged you. And your right Chemistry does play a huge part in a relationship

  • I'm waiting for commitment. It's definitely hard as I love sex but I'm done playing around and am ready for something real and worth my time.

  • When the sun and the moon have aligned with Jupiter and the swallow has made it's nest on a cliff facing east as the first drops of morning dew glisten on the ground...

    Or like... whenever you both feel ready.

    • Ready or not Can't wait another day A little in shock What'll your mother say? Here we go anyway Now we'll see what you got Give it your own style Give me a little smile Everything's better now whether you're ready or not!

    • *its Ugh

  • Hogwash.

    If you want to have sex with someone, then it is usually obvious within the first fifteen minutes of meeting, sometimes before meeting.

    And if so, then do. If not, then don't waste each other's time and find someone else.

  • The right time is when both people are ready. That could be after the first date, or it could be after years of being together. Nothing and no one determines readiness except the couple themselves

  • I always say this for these sort of questions, but it's true: all my best and longest relationships have gone sexual sooner rather than later. Going all the way back to first becoming sexually active.

  • When both are ready for it

  • I really like this. I had to learn (from error) when it was comfortable for me, and it's when I'm sure my partner has feelings for me and I feel safe with them.

  • I have always thought no sex until we are in a relationship. But in some circumstances I could see having sex before entering a relationship. Also none this has happened for me so what would I know?

  • Sex is only to be between two people for the rest of their life. Husband and wife. Sex belongs in marriage.

    • Did you wait until marriage? How old were you when you got married? Are you still in that marriage?

    • @slatyb Sex outside of marriage is a sin against God. I got marry at 24 years old. I was a virgin on my wedding day. I am proud of myself. I am still married. There is only one person you share your genital with. That is your partner only. I do not support teenager sex.

    • At least you are walking your talk. Most people don't.

    • Show All

  • Every time is the right time.

  • Very well written

  • When both feel ready. This can be a minute or a century. There is no fixed time limit or requirement.

  • When both the boy and the girl are ready 😊

  • Within a month. If not, why bother?

  • Breakup with current partner

  • Damn, that's a lot to think about. There will never a right time if I have to take an exam with my partner and have every answer match.

    • The idea is for teens to think about this before they become sexually active, not to run through a checklist later.

  • Depends on the relationship and specifics. There isn't such a thing as too soon or a defined limit on how long i will stay without it.
    If i'm happy over all regardless and don't have better options knowing on my door I will stay if not then I probly won't.
    Personally waiting isn't going to make me anymore likely to stay so if you want to wait it should be for other reasons than that.

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