Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Once upon a time I thought the girls on GaG were wrong to say how the guys are mad because they haven’t been in a relationship or had sex, but I’ve been here long enough to see it myself too now, and I just don’t get it. Why are guys here holding on to all these fears and complexes about meeting girls, how to talk to one, or how to get one for sex? Is this really a thing in these times? Or is it that the Internet is just a safe place for them to come out of the millions of other guys? I once tried to stand up for them and have their backs, but with enough observation of my own, it’s become increasingly difficult for me. In some ways I can sympathize with them, but in other ways I really can’t.
This Take has been in the works for a long time in between my exams and other parts of my hectic life, and was promised to a female editor who really wanted to see it, so I am now glad to have the chance to finally post this. It is certainly longer than I would've expected, and I try not to make very long Takes, but I guess it had to be this time. I know a lot of chicks are gonna want to read this too so please bear with the length.
Guys keep living by the books...
I’ve never been a guy exposed to all the stuff I hear the guys talk about here, so when I say they’re living by the books I mean that literally - all the new age uni textbook bologna and articles. When I was growing up it was the norm for a guy to talk to a girl (or talk her up) and flirt, take her out, strike up a conversation, pay for dates, etc., and I was raised to be this way as were my guy friends. So it seems so strange for me to be here and see guys babbling out a bunch of senseless research about the “top 20%” of guys compared to the 80% of girls getting access to this and that, how guys have to “up their game,” or being mad because guys are supposed to pay for dates.
None of this has ever been reality to me like it is for them. I can’t live my life based on social experiments with guys and girls on YouTube, and all the research and “studies” about guys and sex/relationships compared to girls. In fact it’s impossible for me to, that’s why I can’t seem to wrap my head around all the stuff they’re talking about. They’re watching YouTube and reading all that crap and thinking it must encompass them, and they start trying to convince the rest of us - and girls too - that it’s true. And I’ve actually started wondering if they do it just to try to make themselves feel better about where they are in life, so they want it to apply to the whole male populus so they don’t have to feel so alone.
And when they’re writing all the Takes about why guys aren’t getting this, can’t have sex, can’t do this, and then trying to back them up with studies, they think they’re sounding smart and having some kind of wisdom or understanding about the world of sex and relationships, when it’s really just a cover for the fact that they feel bad about themselves for either never having a girlfriend or still being a virgin, or only ever having had sex once. I will say that girls do mind guys being virgins more than a lot of them really admit, yeah. But it still doesn’t mean guys have to make their lives be about that. Girls don’t care about what you think concerning the 20% of guys or how guys aren’t getting access to the girls. Most of them are not impressed by that stuff.
If you’re having some insecurities about still being a virgin or never being in a relationship, then just be honest with yourself about it and work it out. And I’m actually being sensitive and sympathetic when I say that. Come to terms with yourself and honestly say, “Yeah, it does bother me that I’m the only one in my peer group who hasn’t had sex,” or, “Yeah, it does make me feel kind of bad that the girls I know have more sexual experience than I do.” The healing begins once you face the truth about how you feel. From there you start working it out.
Don’t try to put up a guise by trying to algebraically explain it away because when you do, the only person you’re fooling is yourself.
Not getting laid…
This does seem to be a preoccupation for a lot of guys on GaG. It’s also extremely common here - but also in high school and college pop cult circles - for guys, and some girls, to talk about how hard it is for guys to get laid and how easy it is for girls. I am one of the few people here - alongside some girls - who doesn’t really subscribe to it, and I’ve talked about it here and there. All throughout my life and my minglings with the opposite sex, I haven’t found it to be very hard, or true, which is why it still seems like a new idea to me.
Growing up, sex was never a thing that we really had to “work” at like the guys here say. It wasn’t uncommon to sleep with girls in succession, and girls being angry about a guy seeing other girls on her wasn’t either. We never had all these modern philosophies about how many more options girls can have compared to guys, and if those ideas did exist I certainly wasn’t aware of them. And in fact a lot of girls even expected us to have been around the block, which was why some could be wary of wanting to date.
So I find it incredibly hard to believe that guys are really struggling all that much to get sex or have fewer sex partners. It hasn’t made a lot of sense to me. As I’ve explained to some people, in these times sex is actually a lot more available to us guys now than it ever has been, so I can’t see how anything has changed to not be in guys’ favor.
And with all the girls today who want it to be okay for them to have casual sex without being called a slut, I imagine that sex is getting even easier for guys to obtain. A hard truth is that females have made sex a lot more available to men than most really realize, or choose to admit anyway. So they want to make it seem like their gender has been more sexually moral or conscientious, or has “higher standards,” when they really don’t. They don’t like thinking about the real fact that their gender has “given it up” to guys a lot more than they really care to see.
Girls who also think they can get sex easier - especially based on actually doing it - are going to think it just because they’re females. In their minds their success is based on their gender, not because she was actually guys’ type. And most of these girls aren’t even actively asking for sex or approaching men, they’re just saying yes to guys who want it. So their success rate is often times a lot different when they actually try asking, and most usually admit that they’re scared of being turned down if they ask - and have been. So to make themselves feel better about it they try to save face and turn it around on the guys by saying “they were shy and awkward” or “guys are afraid of confident girls.” You cannot imagine how many times I’ve heard females give me these excuses for why a guy just didn’t want to have sex with her because she was forward.
It is still very much the case that a guy will be wary of a woman like that because it isn’t very common for women to ask. It does seem strange to many men, and can throw up a red alert for us no less fishy than it does for a woman when a man is trying to ask her. And I honestly cannot say it’s necessarily wrong for a guy to be cautious about that. What I will say is that it’s curious for a “confident”(forward) woman to expect a guy to be all for that and be mad that he wasn’t interested, yet it’s okay if a woman is wary of a man who’s trying to approach her. Why is a guy supposed to appreciate her being forward, but a woman can see it as threatening when a man is?
If girls were really making sex that unattainable for guys, there wouldn’t be so many STDs, unwanted pregnancies, love children, cheating, guys getting sexual favors, women crying about how a guy “used” them or talked them into bed, guys who have girls on the side, and girls sending them dirty photos on their phones.
So for me it seems like all the talk of how hard it is for men to get sex is a new age philosophy meant to weaken male prowess and try to make it like females are the sexually superior ones that call the shots. As if people are trying to psychologically reverse us by saying, “Guys aren’t really getting laid as much as we think.” We're supposed to pretend nowadays that easy females and guys who've had plenty of available sex don't exist. A sly way of re-writing culture.
And even if it really was true, what good would it do for guys? Cuz I don’t think it’s helping them get any closer to getting the girl or getting laid. Acknowledging popular stats about the numbers and age ranges of sexually active females compared to sexually active males only just makes you think you’re stuck in that number and always will be. It isn’t helping you “up your game.”
So your female friends have already had sex compared to you, or more partners, and? It’s not an indication that you’re struggling as a guy, but maybe the fact that you’re not really getting out there. And for every girl who gets sex with a guy easily, don’t you think that’s making it just as easy for the guys? It’s a fact that “easy” females give it to men pretty regularly. And how do you know all the guys she’s slept with still haven’t slept with more girls? I myself have heard studies about girls losing their virginity younger than guys, and if that is true it would actually prove even more how that makes sex accessible for males.
Living your life by sex studies isn’t gonna make it better for you, and when you base your life on them, you really just put your own self in a box and program yourself to be one who misses out.
Talking to girls…
I will level with guys on this one a little bit. Society and the media have tried to make it as if women require very special verbal communication that guys are bad at and have to learn all the right things to say and how to interact with them, so some guys do think nothing they say to a woman will be right - and some actually have had bad experiences with immature women who seem to think they do deserve a special kind of communication from men just because they’re female.
However, you move on to the next ones. Sounds like a broken record, but sometimes simple age-old advice is the best advice. You treat your experiences as...well...life. That’s always how I look at it when I have experiences with unpleasant or stuck up females who didn’t care for my conversational company, didn’t appreciate it, or didn’t find me interesting. I just shrug and think, “Ah, well. There’s always the next one.” And you have to do the same.
There are some girls you can just look at and already tell they're not worth bothering with from the start, especially the ones who make it a point to keep a pinched, snobby expression on their face at the bus stop, walking past them in the hall, on the train, etc. They already make it clear they don't want guys to talk to them because "guys are always hitting on them" or "You just don't know which ones are gonna call out to you with something dirty." Block them out. I do.
There is a kind of attitude you as a guy have to have where you can’t take females too seriously. And I mean this in the sense of life and death. Some guys act like the girls they talk to or meet are the last females they’ll ever see and if she’s not interested they’re doomed. You really can’t take it that seriously. There are always other women to meet and talk to, and the more you interact and talk with them the more you learn and the better you get.
Bad experiences with anybody hurts. But living in fear of being humiliated if you try isn’t the answer either. There will always be those who aren’t interested and don’t want to talk, and there are others who are. It’s like a deck of cards. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand. And sometimes you’re holding a royal flush.
Take it from me...
I don’t want to make this your typical tired, cliche “tips” for guys, but rather I’ll just put myself out there as an example, and I’m not trying to consider myself a “ladies man” or all that crap because I really don’t care for that image and don’t like trying to compete with guys or trying to say, “This is how you do it, fellas.” But rather I use myself as an example for you to get an idea and do your own work from there.
I look at women as an experience. Facets of existence. A part of life. As creatures you are naturally supposed to mingle with. I don’t look at them as beings I have to gauge my success rate with based on ridiculous pop sci stats and social experiment videos.
When a female has caught my attention in an unignorable way, and if the opportunity is there for me to take, I take it. I come up with a reason to get near her and have a conversation starter with, and it does work most of the time. I’m not into pick up lines or saying, “How are you?” I come up with concrete words that can ignite feedback. And it has worked for me with many different women of different ages and races.
I speak Spanish, and Latinas usually love that. I’m a world culture nut, and Filippinas, Indians, and other Asian women are always surprised at how much I know about their countries, and sometimes they burst into a grin and ask how I know so much. And I tell them. They find that impressive, and suddenly they become surprisingly comfortable with you compared to a moment ago when you just seemed like a stranger.
I’m also a hell of a flirt. I admit I should be more reserved about it than I am - even my brother has been embarrassed by it before - but it’s something I really can’t help. I am a sensual person, and flirting is part of my personal nature I guess. I do it so much that I often try to play humor into it with women so they won’t be uncomfortable, and it does usually work. Some women don’t take it very well, you’ll always have those, and others have fun with it. I love seeing chicks blush or start laughing when you tell them how good they look, say how they have a sexy voice, call them sugar, buttercup, or sexy beast.
For me, meeting and interacting with chicks is like fun chill time, not a terrifying moment of trying to calculate how to make the move. You just go for it. It's either hit or miss, and either way you get something out of it you can learn from.
So what can guys do?...
Stop seeing females as a dangerous mountain to climb for one. Although women and the media do enjoy trying to make guys think females are more complex or special than they really are, and trying to make us think we have to have a special approach and be armed with confidence up to the teeth, you really can’t take it that seriously. And if you would approach the concept of getting to know a girl as just that, you'll have more success. Don't look at a girl as a potential girlfriend or sex partner right away, but as a friend or someone you can feel your way with first. That's what I do.
As I also explained once months ago, when guys are being angry about a lack of sex or frustrated about girls' "high standards," going on about being "friendzoned," and what we have to do to win them over, it really just feeds their ego and encourages them to want to make guys thirst even more. But when you start treating them like any other fish in the sea where you pick and choose who you pursue, and not sex goddesses to worship and pursue, they begin to humble themselves and have respect for you. It's worked for me.
Also, why would a guy want a girl who's not interested? Why would a guy want to pursue snobs and such who want guys they themselves aren't even worthy of? What appeal is there in that? I never get it. I like women who show me they're humble more than anything, who are kind and down-to-earth and aren't simple-minded with self-righteous concepts of entitlement or superiority, who I can actually share an important connection with. And she doesn't need to look like Jennifer Lawrence or Salma Hayek either. If she does, great. If not, I'm still not missing out.
And, yes. "Confidence" is a major factor. That is still going to stand to be true whether you want to hear it or not. When you approach confidently - which basically means you boldly approach without being aware of your insecurities but only your strengths - you do make an impact. Hell, I have a weird mole on my head that everybody can see and I hate it, yet chicks still think I'm good looking even if I don't think so, and some say they don't even notice the mole until I mention it. So that says I'm doing something right with how I command their attention.
And finally? For the love of Yoda, PUHLEASE...give up those damn studies and videos. Free your mind of all that garbage.
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What Girls & Guys Said
14 56Once our biology significantly changes.
Aka not in foreseeable future.
Nice mytake. Very interesting in fact
Great Take, dude.
I realized about a year ago that most of these guys, myself included, were just frustrated because of horniness. Or rather, that's what I believe to be the case. Too much stigma and selfonciousness feeding teacher and bringing them selves down lower.
So you guys listen: we're all just people who feel and think the same things. Don't fear or worship someone your attracted to, just respect them. And as far as we know, we got this one life so just let yourself have fun.
You ALSO made a great point!
Thanks!
So many guys are pussies, seriously. Testosterone wasteland
Really does seem like it.
I agree that we shouldn't take things too seriously. Who cares about success if you're not having fun while trying? Like you said: it's either hit or miss, and either way you get something out of it you can learn from.
I stopped reading after the first section. If you have insecurities your not ready for sex
I like the spirit of the take but there's a flaw with it. You're arguing that these bitter, inexperienced guys are wrong based on your own experience but make the same mistake that they do - there's no stats to back up anything. At the end of the day, both sides are just arguing based on experience, and since experience largely shapes our perception of reality, both perspectives are (in) valid depending on how you want to look at it, and until a large dataset can be collected to actually test the idea.
That being said, I definitely agree that inexperienced guys need to change their frame of mind when viewing girls. It'd help them out greatly, and allow them to challenge a lot of the views they hold. And who knows, maybe they'll get some positive experiences that will allow them to change their perceptions.
Dude, I agree with some but disagree with other stuff you said here. Just because you didn't struggle with women, doesn't mean others do. All those pick up books and specific rules etc that you slam, saved my life with women. And most men I know do get sex, but not on the levels or type they want. And you down play a big problem that effects many men. you wouldn't even have the reference points and jargon (like friendshipzone, player, nice guy) if it wasn't for men trying to figure this shit out. when I grew up, no woman looked at me. How the fuck was I supposed to solve this without all the analysing? I only learnt my deficiencies in hindsight. Like being a nice guy for example. I didn't brag about being a nice guy when I was younger, I just thought I was cool like everyone else. Only after reading about nice guy syndrome when I was older, did I realise that who I was, wasn't attractive to women. And if sex was so easy (like on the level of women) then please enlighten me: get me laid tonight. I can get every girl on gag laid if I was in their area, I know what to do. But If we are all equal and it's all good like you imply: I would really LOVE to see what advice you would give me to get a guarantied lay tonight? And if it is that successful, I highly recommend you write a book and publish it as you will become a millionaire. You may even be the cure to prostitution 😂😂😂
@Scrambledagain Oh I'm sure there are others who struggle with women, I'm just saying that in the grand scale of things, guys are not really struggling as much as we're supposed to think. I don't know what I could tell YOU to get laid, but what I would do probably wouldn't be conventional. I wouldn't go to any bars or clubs or pick up hookers. "You may even be the cure to prostitution" - The majority of men who go to prostitutes are actually already married and have girlfriends who they do have sex with. You may not have known that.
Actually it's worse pal. It's just that small minded men are content with their sexual inferiority to women and don't see it. Many men couldn't give a fuck. In my social group for example (and it's massive) I'm the only one who struggles. But it's because I want more than what they are happy with. The other 2 guys (the minority rule again) fuck tons of women. It's all subjective based on your desires. But logically a guy who is happy with one and is content is as happy as a guy who slays tons of women and is content. But the former guy wouldn't care about all these things. But you failed to answer my question bright spark. If sex is so easy, get me laid tonight (without hookers)? And yes I have regular prostitutes and most of their clientele are married or students. Proved my point though that men cannot choose their sexual path or else they wouldn't be doing that.
preach!!!
Really? Just a month ago you posted this... "If you are an average-looking fella, most girls would not be interested in hooking up with you. Only hot guys get casual sex and one night stands. Life isn't fair, now get over it!!!" That supports the idea that the top guys get most of the sex which is what manonfire was trying to disprove.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27495-advice-to-young-men-who-got-major-attention-after-college-you-are
@Bandit74 Yes, you're right, I do remember her saying that.
@Bandit74 Yeah I still think that's true.
@sparkly-crystal Hot guys are subjective no less than hot girls. A hot guy to 10 girls can be average to 10 or 20 other girls. Casual sex is easy for most people to get in these times, which was sort of what I was saying in this Take if you read that part. I've known ungly men to get it pretty regularly, and I don't understand how, but they do.
The vast majority of the players who sleep with multiple women are hot. I am not saying that only hot guys can find love and the rest of the male population is doomed. The hookup culture is thriving on college campuses around the world and women love sex too. But unlike guys , girls only swipe right if the guy is hot.
I agree. I think girls have higher standards on sexual attraction when it comes to casual sex but are more lenient on their standards for a relationship.
@Bandit74 Exactly.
@Bandit74 If their standards were really that high they wouldn't be the ones who reap the consequences the most from casual sex. It's a noble idea, but it's not all that true.
What do you mean by them reaping the consequences?
@Bandit74 natural selection buddy. You do the same damn thing.
@Nothanks700 what is "natural selection"?
Girls are creatures that only wish to be slaves for Things that guys put it under there shoes
@Bandit74 I mean that women will get pregnant and have STDs and more unfortunate consequences from it.
Ok, but wouldn't that be more reason for why they have higher standards? If they are more likely to get stds, more likely to get shamed, tend to enjoy it less and bare the risk of getting pregnant, it makes sense that they would be MORE selective about who they have casual sex with.
@Bandit74 Not necessarily. How many times does a person get burned by the fire yet keep going back for more? Females have a tendency to keep doing all the wrong things with guys despite what keeps happening to them.
@Nothanks700 Sexual selection. Not natural selection. They have no actual bearing on each other. We rationalize reasons why they're the same, though, to make ourselves feel better.
When reproduction is done only in labs without sexual contact, we're all robots, and organic life has died off.
What this guy said, he's pretty much right on all counts. Take his advice guys
"Getting girls is easy."
- the hot guy.
Don't get me wrong, I hate the endless whining as much as everybody.
But it is pretty obvious what we are getting at here.
No matter how easy is to get laid or into a relationships nowadays, the fact that the society encourages women to date up and does the exact opposite for guys is a hard undisputed fact.
But women are more likely to date less unattractive people? There are loads of studies done, women care less about physical appearance
@Cel98 less unattractive means attractive...
@thatkaruguy you know what I meant
Yeah.. The studies thing has GOT TO GO!!!
I agree...
But dude, a successful guy doesn't understand what its like for an unsuccessful guy. And even in"your" time, there were unsuccessful guys.
When i was young teen i was really awkward with girls and didn't know how to talk to them. Combine that with the sexual urge that has just developed then, and you can get a picture of how frustrated you can get. Over time i learnt not to take that stuff too seriously and put more interests in studying/working, hobbies and friendships..
And i got used to talking and dealing with females.
Still, i admit that i can't make women in general feel a certain way to a guy, that certain natural ladies' men can. And im cool with that. But i can see how it can be frustrating to some guys.
I hate the "friend zone" crap. If the person never liked you more than a friend to begin with, then move on. At least you know how they feel. I got so annoyed when people would tell me about that crap
I most argee however A. I dont kiss a girl unless i like her and B. I dont sleep with a girl unless i love her otherwise whats the point im it all? i do argee most girls give it up easyly becuase there has bee. Lotw of times.. i could have had sex with a girl but didn't becuase i didn't love her... and didn't wamma hurt her. that being sound most guys could give 2 shits as long as they have sex. I think the hardest thing for me is asking girls out becuase i lack Confidence when it comes to ask girls out.. when i treat them like friends am perfectly fine or if i take the time too get too known them better am fine. but if i dont know them on a personal life i suck and i think itw the same with most guu we have mo comfidenxe
I don't really worry about getting laid. I tend to make friends with women and if I want to have sex with them, I simply tell them so. Makes everything easy. Most women are far more receptive than you might think.
Said no man ever
@mikemx55 I've gotten into three LTRs that way, and a bunch of shorter ones.
That was the biggest load of self-congratulatory drivel I've read in a long time.
*facepalm* Here, I'll quote for you again: "I don’t want to make this your typical tired, cliche “tips” for guys, but rather I’ll just put myself out there as an example, and I’m not trying to consider myself a “ladies man” or all that crap because I really don’t care for that image and don’t like trying to compete with guys or trying to say, “This is how you do it, fellas.”"
You wrote an article with a thesis that reads something like "I've never had trouble getting laid and have had multiple sex partners in the same week, so I don't know what's wrong with the rest of you." You don't see how that's self-congratulatory and trite? You may have had the best of intentions in writing this, but you lack the empathy to be able to step outside yourself and view your work from another person's perspective.
@BigJake If you would look at it in another way and not from your lack of self-esteem, you would actually notice how what I was saying is partly sympathetic of guys, and the other part is telling them to get out of their self-pity. Nowhere was I trying to imply that I'm some hot shot who gets laid all the time. I used my experiences with females as an example of how guys should look at the situation. When you continue to live in self-pity, you can't see any differently.
I used to study them things when I realized one thing perfectly summarized by this: s2.quickmeme.com/.../...a04dca3565768c30e0b0ea.jpg
Sounds legit.
Good take.
Good thing 2D isn't as "complicated". Phew.
Try being rejected so many fucking times. And it doesn't help that I'm an ethnic minority, so it's a factor against me.
What's your race?
Korean American. But I have a strong preference for white women. I tried to deny it all these years, but it's true. Unfortunately, white or Latino men get the lion's share, while South Asian, Middle Eastern, East Asian, and black men get the short end of the stick.
I'm black and a lot of white girls love black men. I think we have to be the most common interracial lovers in America. Sometimes it does seem tougher for Asian guys but I'm not sure.
Really? A lot of the women here in South Florida don't like black men or other brown men, like myself, unless they're pulling in serious bank or have flashy vehicles.
Yeah, that's Florida for you. So I'll take your word for it as far as that goes, they tend to be somewhat racist down there. I live further north, where black men and white women is pretty common, even black men and Latinas. And I loooooove me some Latinas.