Where do you think your kinks come from?

I have a very strong cuckquean kink and I'm not sure how it developed. I know what I like about it, just not how I got there. Do you have memories that you think are linked to your sexual activity today?
2 9

Most Helpful Guys

  • To answer your question, yes— I have childhood memories which are linked to my sexual kink interests today.

    FYI…

    In the article below, the “five phases of kink identity development” are discussed and it says the “[Phase 1] ‘Early Encounters’ “stage encompasses early inklings towards kink, typically taking place before the age of 10, where kinky people experience an attraction, draw, or fascination with a kink or fetish interest, often without the words or concepts to understand it, and often without sexual arousal.”

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/standard-deviations/201805/growing-kinky-research-shows-how-kink-identity-is-formed

    The author of the above article — “a nationally certified sex therapist and clinical sexologist” who “[studies] the psychology of sexual minorities like kinky people and LGBTQ people” and “[focuses] on where kink-oriented desires come from” — was asked the question: “Did most of your [“kinky person” survey] participants discover their kink interests when they were small children?”

    And his response was: “the vast majority of the survey participants had an earliest memory of their kink interests that took place before the age of 18, with the most common age group for those early memories being between 5-10. Not all of the participants discovered their kink interests very early on, however, especially for those who discovered kink during a sexually unsatisfying relationship, or for those who found kink as a way to feel young and virile in their older years.”

    Also, the above article says “Some kinky people, though certainly not the majority, have experienced trauma and hardship in their lives. Many of those who reported trauma and hardship talked about kink as a way to relive that hardship with a sense of healing and mastery over it.”

    And in the following article the question was asked: “What about cuckqueaning—a woman who gets off watching her husband with another person? How common was this in your [sex] study?”

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/201910/the-appeal-some-cuckolding

    And the response from the Ph. D. certified sex therapist author was: “More than half of the heterosexual men in the study had this fantasy before, compared to 25 percent of heterosexual women. Gay and bisexual men are more likely than heterosexual men to have cuckolding fantasies, and the same is true for lesbian and bisexual women.”

    And the author also said “when I ask[ed] people, "Where did your favorite sexual fantasy come from?" A couple of people said, "My partner cheated on me, and ever since then, I've been turned on by the idea of my partner doing that.

    For some people, I can see eroticized cheating [the “the eroticizing of watching your mate with someone else even though you know about it”] as being the source. But for other people, they may get aroused when seeing their partner sexually pleased and satisfied. There also are those who take great pleasure in knowing other people find their partner attractive, but their partner is still going to come home with them.

    I think there can be very distinct psychological motivations.”

    *** Question for you:
    Are you into actual “cuckolding,” or is it instead really “hot-husbanding”?

    The second article above says: “In cuckolding scenarios, there's usually a BDSM element involved. The cuckold—the person who is watching—takes on a submissive, sometimes masochistic role. In hotwifing [and therefore likewise “hothusbanding”] the BDSM element is not present. You have more of an ego boost motivation.”

    • It's both for me! Depends on the day, the girl, the mood. I prefer the BDSM and humiliation part of it where I serve him and the girl he's using. But I'm equally game to participate or find new girls to bring him or just let him go out on his own and not involve me.

    • So you like feeling degraded huh?…Do you masturbate while watching your guy f-ck the other woman? And do you often join in w them and do a FFM threesome? Oh and, what age is the “earliest memory of [your] kink interest” in cuckqueaning?

    • a. Yes I do! b. Only when given permission. c. When I was about 20

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  • Think growing up in a conservative house where we couldn’t even see rated r movies contributed to my curiosity to explore

    • Curiosity killee the cat but satisfaction brought him back ;)

    • Ty for MHO

Most Helpful Girls

  • I really don't know how it develop.
    I am submissive and little masochist since childhood

    • Thankyou for MHO

    • What sort of masochism do you like?…degradation/humiliation or pain?

  • Public sex after having parents who didn't care if others saw/heard them

    • So u have seen them? 🤔🤔

    • @Aqueeld I saw my dad giving his wife head because he didn't give af that his kids were sleeping in the hotel bed across from him. And i had to hear my mom having sex with her boyfriend when i was younger. I hated it and wanted to exact revenge by having lots of public sex in hopes she caught me some day. As i got older, i stopped making it about revenge and just did it because i enjoyed it. But yea neither of my parents ever caught me

    • Yes but u had lot of public sex Right?

    • Show All

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  • for me, and i believe this to be true for most true fetishes and kinks, it all started in childhood. i had a liking for a certain item of clothing, i didn't understand what the feeling were or what they meant, i just knew that this material made me feel something that produced a please sense. since then i have naturally found sexual activities and integrate them into it.

    for you being a cuckquean, i can only imagine that it maybe had something to do with wanting others to be pleased before yourself, so seeing others happy and thats were you get the enjoyment? this can sometimes be caused through religion, where you are taught to "think of others before yourself", and this is sort of what you are doing. you are saying to your partner, go and enjoy yourself, no strings attached and you are getting enjoyment from seeing him happy?

    • I think that's a fair assessment of me! I'm not religious but I do love putting other people's pleasure at high priority. I remember when I first started thinking about this my logic was basically that sex with him was so good that I felt bad keeping him to myself and other girls should get to feel that good.

  • I don't know- but I've wondered. They DO show up in other animals, but they're simpler (naturally) and less pronounced, so while our society and its pressures probably does play a role, it's not as simple as many would tell you.

    I've heard it said that you're not really a sociologist unless you've fantasized about running some experiment that would be informative but unethical to learn social stuff; I've definitely thought of a few along those lines in regard to kinks.

  • There was an interesting discussion about the topic some time ago started by @loves2learn

    As far as I know there is no solid evidence supporting any theory on the development of kink. There are probably many concurrent causes. Just remember that human sexuality is the most varied and weird. Looking for causes is fine but you should be careful not to pathologize kink.

    Personally I have no specific memories and I’m unable to connect my (numerous) kinks to anything in my past. Not to say there is no connection, but it’s very hard to find one.

  • I'm my mothers last child, and her only son, after she had 3 daughters who are all *far* older than me, as in one of my oldest memories being my youngest sister leaving home to go to upper secondary education.
    So my sisters, at least my oldest ones felt more like nagging aunts then sisters.
    We also moved around a lot, never staying anywhere long enough to really have friends.
    And I think not having much control in my life made it super important for me to control what *was* within my control.
    And that probably guided my kinks towards BDSM and honestly misogynistic fantasies and sadism.
    My first time watching porn started due to a strip club being in the news due to conflicts with their neighbours who didn't want to have a strip club nearby.
    I searched for the name online and found my way to their website, followed links from there to Literotica and was drawn towards their bdsm and kink section I think (this is many years ago).
    Then found more kink related websides where *all* the stories where kinky etc...
    I kept being drawn towards the more extreme stuff with the less extreme stuff ending up being tame and so one and so forth...

  • Yeah pretty much so.

    i knew early on what I liked and how I was with kinks.

    I never really knew about kinks.

    it was only when I was hitting 20 that I really found out about BDSM and kinks

    Some you get from interaction with others, pushing your limits and boundaries opens your mind to what works for you and shoves you in to top space etc.

  • Interesting.
    all of my kinks seem to come from giving things a try and liking it.
    as a kid I was adventurous, did dare devil things, and didn’t just do what was typical. I’m terrible at just following directions

    for me I think it’s a simple as being adventurous. Tried bdsm, anal, and threesomes and like them all. I guess those are my kinks of the moment!

  • Emotional wounds/programming, exposure to other ideas that were emotionally impactful. childhood.

  • It's just curiosity: the more exposure you have, the more stuff you want to try. Try watching cuckquean porn or read on Literotica

    • Trust me I do haha this kink has been thoroughly explored in my life :)

    • I am really curious about your experiences 😂😂

  • I had to google your kink. I had never heard of it before. Sheltered life I suppose. I wonder if that's where some of my kinks come from... I find that I'm very interested in sexual "exploration". Trying new things. Experimenting. Ultimately, I think my motivation is to have (and give) ever better experiences. For me, it wasn't always this way. I've learned a lot from various communities on the internet. At their best, women and I share experiences and stories that lead to new discoveries; some of which make their way onto my menu.

    Today, I feel like I have maybe 4 kinks. Things that in come contexts, with some people would be poorly received. Most are things I discovered in my 20s. Only one feels like something that has been developing and evolving throughout my sexual life.

  • Childhood trauma

  • My only kink is licking a girl's butthole. I don't have any idea where it comes from, though. I mean, yeah I really like anal but that shouldn't have anything to do with it, I'd think - prying a girl's ass open with stiff dick is very different from lightly poking at it with rubbery tongue, after all. Its such an obsession that if I could trade an inch off my dick for an extra inch on my tongue I'd take that deal instantly.

  • i came home from work early one day many years ago to find my girlfriend getting absolutely pounded in our bed... i was cross at the time but later realised also just how much it turned me on... not the lying and cheating part but the actual visuals of seeing her getting fucked by someone else. i guess that was the start of my cuckold kink

  • I think most of mine come from willingness to experiment and try anything.

    • What has been your most surprising experience that became a favorite

    • A few I can't mention because they are too taboo.

    • Well that that's a very torturous answer. 🤣 both scary and exciting. Very curious...

  • I had a really kinky ex-girlfriend and she was my first introduction to kinks we never actually had sex but she was very open about the things she wanted

    So a lot of The kinks that I have come from her

  • I have had a female pee kink since I was a kid. Not water sports, not toilet, not desperation. It started when I was 11 and likely at the beginnings of puberty. I had a gal pal and we often played doctor together. We saw and touched EVERYTHING. But there was one thing I could not figure out. How did she pee? I had a "pee pee" but she had nothing I could see. I asked her about it, so she peed for me. That still didn't answer the question completely until a girlfriend much later on spread open and showed me
    The Source. Until then, I thought it came out of a girl's vagina. Ohhhhh! That's where! I have enjoyed looking on the net and in person ever since then.

    • But here's a thought. Many children are, in some way exposed to sexuality prematurely, leading to some kind of trauma and leading to behavioral issues. But what if it goes the opposite way? My mother took ill with terminal breast cancer when I was 9. As she worsened, I "lost" my mom well before she passed away. Her personality changed into one of anger and jealousy toward women not afflicted as she was. I will not say, at age 9, that my sexuality was affected, but I socially withdrew and was tongue tied approaching girls for years... except one. Perhaps my Gal Pal felt sorry for me or maybe she just had no friends. But we were drawn together and I found refuge with her each day after school as my mom wasted away. I don't know how "playing doctor" started out I'm fairly sure she initiated it. I was too shy. But here's the point of this. I was the tubby pick-on kid and very insecure. I will never know if I might have become gay in the future. The pattern of my life back then hints at it. But my non-sexual, (very) intimate relationship with her UNDOUBTEDLY HARD WIRED MY SEXUALITY around her. Being with her was very exciting and even joyful when the rest of my life sucked. I became very tuned into girls (and their bodies) and my current posts, often graphic, reflects that. You could say that I had an ANTI-traumatic experience getting naked with her that has caused me to love girls and sex to this day.

    • Thanks for the nice & open story. Sorry about your mom, but happy you had that girl friend to be there for you.

  • Nah I think they are just normal thoughts and kinks

  • All of mine - exhibitionism, masochism (cock torture) and prostate play stem from one particular ex back when I was about 20 y/o. She was a huge voyeur, and got me to masturbate while she watched regularly, and the other two were things she wanted to try. Me being open minded, I'll give nearly anything a try. If I like it, I'll do it again. Turns out I liked them and they developed further and further since.

  • Getting cheated and watching.
    Finding her in porn.
    Hearing about things my friends did when I was really young.

    • *I came home early twice and found cars in the driveway and went around back and saw them with my wife... and was so shocked I just ended up watching

    • After our divorce she called me while sex with her new boyfriend. She was hoping to make me cry...😅

  • I think they come from sexual deprivation or sexual suppression.

  • What do like about it?

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