Traditionally masturbation was considered bad or sin. There was a strong beliefs because of religious leaders and social circumstances. This is holding us till today and that is why we believe that we are doing something not good or socially acceptable. Now the time is different and situation is different. You - and all of us have right to enjoy our life our way - if it is not hurting any other people. Make your mind to believe that you are not doing any wrong or sin. It is for you and it is your right. Enjoy the gift of nature.
Fortunately or unfortunately - we need to follow social rules and hide our feelings about sex and pleasure. I agree with your thoughts.
I would say you're feeling horny so you are masturbating, then when you are done masturbating you are remembering you are missing a guy to love you. While the masturbating is making you feel good sexually it is also reminding you of the fact your alone because when your in a relationship your partner would normally be taking care of it and you don't have a partner to take care of it anymore.
Many society consider masturbation - mal or female a sin, and my Indian culture is not different. If you are hungry and home food is not possible, you will take something from out side. This is required for survival. The same way - if you are matured and eligible for sex, strong desire, you may use self satisfaction techniques and tricks. Using toys or your hand itself is not cheating your future life partner. Having uncontrolled sexual relation with many is never advisable. Enjoy your life your way.
I do not have advice on how to stop it, sorry. Same thing happened to me, for me personally it was happening because I was holding back emotion so when I'd orgasm I'd no longer be tense and in turn my emotions were suddenly unbottled by relaxation and I'd end up crying. I am in a new relationship now and the crying stopped with time.
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Were you sexual with your ex?
I think you need your ex cock rather than your fingers or sex toys..
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