Why am I into ra*e fantasies although I experienced rap*?

I was wondering if i am sick in the head or some shit cause i do be catching myself watching “rape porn” and fantasize about it. I was raped and molested throughout my entire life from the age of 9-16 by a man who was in his 30s. I am absolutely traumatized, never touched a man, never had a relationship, and obviously i am just broken and would probably never heal. However i am suddenly watching these weird videos. What’s the reason? What’s the psychology?
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Superb Opinion

  • The psychology is that you had no control over what was happening to you when you were younger, and those events were traumatic, and your brain has trouble dealing with them. So, your brain is essentially trying to "re-write history" by having you re-live that situation again, except this time, you WOULD have control. And by having the control this time, your brain can pretend that the earlier events didn't happen, or that, even if they did, that you HAD power and just CHOSE not to use it.

    It's not uncommon for trauma survivors to want to relive their trauma - even though it terrifies them - whether it's a bad car accident or a sexual assault. Many sexual assault survivors either become hyper-sexual, or virtually asexual, as a way for their brains to deal with the trauma of the assault. It's often unhealthy, but it's very common.

    What you really need is therapy, particularly with someone who is experienced with sexual assault survivors - and you need to be able to be completely open with them, including about being drawn into reliving those events. They can really help you, but you have to not just go, but you have to participate. It's not easy or comfortable, but it's necessary and can help you heal. You'll always have those emotional scars, but you'll be able to live a normal life too.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I go to a random chat site and I had met this girl there and we started talking and the more we talk about certain things and she told me about when she was younger what happened to her and she tried to tell me it was her fault and I tried to explain to her to know it wasn't but anyway she has many fantasies about it and she wanted to start girl playing with me and we would and in the middle of the roleplay I have a question for her about what happened to her and the next thing I know the rule play was about that started having phone sex and she would want me to start talking about what has happened to her and I could get her to have 3 to 7 orgasms right in a row she said she never have come so much in her life and has ever had the hardest orgasms like that before in her life not even with sex with real sex, I never really understood the logic behind what she has told me but she absolutely craved it and had fantasies about it to this day so I don't really know why you fantasize about it or crave it but you do for a reason and you're not the only one there are many girls just like you who want to role playing fantasy of being raped or it being taken from them it's almost like a new Norm in role playing

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I would suggest some counselling with someone specialising in abuse and rape victims. (I assume you have been through it, but. Try covering this specifically).

    there are a million and one reasons we have them, examples of what you describe are the most common. It’s utterly fucking shit you had to go through it and my heart goes out to you.

    I won’t say it’s normal as it’s only a small number of people have these fantasies and they are more common among survivors, again multitude of reasons.

    I know a few that do and have had relationships with them, also sat through counselling with them (counselling for partners).

    I know in the UK you can get targeted support, where I used to volunteer at, we had 2 people trained in it.

  • I think you re-living your moments with less aggression and probably helping u also come to terms with it. Watching it gives you your control back. If you don't like it, you change the video. a fantasy also has 'safe words', it can stop when u want it to.

    I also think a key difference is does watching it 'turn you on' or are you just obsessed with watching it (watching the other girls reactions and feelings)?

  • Hugs

  • you want to see others suffering the way you did.

  • You're not sick, you've just found a way to process what happened to you. It's common amongst victims of sexual violence; I'm there with you, you just have to learn to love yourself. You didn't ask for this, but it's not going away.

  • Its quite common

  • Seems like 100% of women claim to be raped these days

  • Stockholm syndrome?

  • So very sorry

  • Maybe it's a trauma response. You might want to talk to a professional just to make sure you're dealing with it in the best way you can.

  • i'm sorry you went through that. and it's possible you want to be in control and change the outcome of your circumstances

  • Because you're a typical woman. Don't worry about it. Most women have rape fantasies. This might help you feel better.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201508/why-do-women-have-rape-fantasies