Why am I sexually attracted to boyfriend when he’s less clingy, but am not too sexually attracted to him when he’s clingy?

But I feel more for him when he’s clingy. It’s so confusing to me. I get so horny for him when he’s more independent BUT I crave him less when he’s clingy and showing me how much he loves me etc. Help!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's pretty common. The reasons psycologically are as follows (I am not a pycologist so admit this is pop-psycology but pretty much true):

    1) A person who is independent is powerful, power is sexy because subconsiously there is a connection from sex to children and from children to having someone who is capable to support them.
    2) A clingy or needy person, is often a person with emotional problems. Emotional issues can be due to simple changeable fixable things, OR a sign of underlying mental issues. When someone is clingy your more likely to subconsiously wonder if they can 'handle' sex and its consequences which makes you not really keen.

    Okay so thats the reasons. Now, aligning the two matters; What you need to do, is help him find the way of expressing his love for you in powerful acts. That way you will get the fullfilment of knowing he loves you with the sexual stimulation of someone whos capable.

    Part of that is on you but enabling your partner oportunities to be powerful in a productive way. So, DONT place him in a vunerable position with respect to you such that he has to back down because he loves you. Rather, put him in a position where he needs to make a choice, the result of which shows how he cares (but be careful there, the choice needs to be something sensible and not 'rigged', meaning that you shouldn't be setting him up to fail.. you should be giving an open chance to show the traits you find sexy, and be letting him know which you DO find sexy, quietly and subtily).

    An example might be saying when your both happy together something like "I love how you where strong helping me with my shopping" (or whatever) then another time, say I need to do shopping and genuinely not be expecting anything and hope he is a good partner and sees its a chance to shine. If he misses the opportunity, don't get sad just open another door. If he keeps missing these doors, discuss about who he is and what you need in general in a non confrontational way and give him the chance to shine.

  • Because sexual attraction is a balance between masculine and feminine energy (either way. It doesn’t matter who’s more masculine, or feminine).

    You seem to be more feminine (as that is more natural by nature)... and so when he is “clingy”, he’s exposing his femininity and it repels you. He needs to keep a strong masculine frame for you, even if he feels really good about you.

    • Makes complete sense

    • Science. We’re just “never told”...

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 2
  • Cos you're attracted to strong independent guys

  • It's normal, it's like you see a lack of love from him that you normal see so you crave that same lust from him, but when its fed to you its not as special. Tell him, you can find a nice balance to keep your relationship sexual and pleasing

  • Because the clingy behavior annoys you?

    • It doesn’t annoy me