Why are many people so against wholesome/abstinent relationships?

Why are many people so against wholesome/abstinent relationships?
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Personally, I so much prefer a wholesome and/or sexless relationship. Sex is overrated and not really that necessary, now to get her to understand it as well...
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Superb Opinion

  • There's nothing wholesome about abstinence if it leads to marriage and children. Don't kid yourself about people talking about old-fashioned values and old-fashioned morality when it comes to relationships and marriages, during the 40s 50s and 60s were disasters under the best of circumstances and only those that fiercely loved each other above all else got through them with their sanity and their mutual respect and intact.
    Sexual intercourse isn't even close to being one of the most intimate experiences you share with your significant other and if you can't be comfortable with that basic mutual human touch then the more complicated more deeply ingrained intimate issues of marriage will not survive the test of time if for no other reason than that you will not be able to talk about them.
    I'm pretty open about discussing a lot of different things including reproductive activities like sexual intercourse and if I thought that they were anywhere near as awkward the discussions as some of the other things that couples have to deal with in marriage everyday then I wouldn't even conceive of getting married. if sex with your partner is that big of a taboo with you then marriage isn't your thing or at least not the stage in your life. Matters of the heart and spirit cut really deep if you're not ready for those types of discussions and you don't have the maturity to be conscientious about the consequences of your reactions towards your significant other.
    Healthy marriage should involve as much physical contact and as much intimate sexual activity of an extremely aroused and personal nature as you can possibly bear sharing with each other before that day when you say I do. marriage today is not simply a matter of practicality anymore you can't just marry a stranger and expect everything to work out okay because well for one people live past the age of 25 nowadays way Long pathway is a 25 so you really got to start thinking about marriage is being a long-term commitment and it's bumping uglies is uncomfortable for you to talk about and taboo for you to do before marriage, don't even think about getting married. Don't even think about it, for your kids sake it's not your own no if you can't be open about that subject you shouldn't be having kids shouldn't be allowed. I trust you with love fully automatic large caliber ordinance before as you come up with people like that having children because that's where the true damage to this world's political situations come from you need a license for a car a gun but anyone can just have kids and not prepare themselves or their offspring for the life issues that they got to face because they don't have the emotional or mental maturity for it so again if bumping uglies is makes you uncomfortable with the subject makes you uncomfortable don't get married you're not ready for it yet. If you are determined that you are ready, then have intercourse as often as possible and push the envelope on erotic and lewd activities with each other and see how it makes you feel in the long run. Long engagements are good. The longer the engagement, the better off the marriage is likely to be, since engagements are trial run for married life.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't say people are necessarily against it but you have to understand how society promotes certain things. First of all, let's go all the way back to the 1950s. If you remember, condoms/contraception was introduced during the 1960s. What was the natural reaction? Well most 18 year olds at the time were curious and gave it a try. Second, most movies since I would argue about the 1980s include some sort of sex or suggestive themes in them EVEN kids movies. That indirectly promotes sex to the public. Finally, I would like to promote something most people do not take into account until they are older in my opinion. When you are younger, how do you communicate love to someone else? Most young people would respond with physical touch in the form of kissing or sex. It's pretty sad to say but most young people do not understand the four languages of love in my opinion. In conclusion, you have to understand that the American society in general has been indirectly promoting sex since the 1960s but there are definitely arguments to be made for earlier than that if you remember flappers all the way back during the 1920s before WWII. Since most of the world looks to america for inspiration as well it doesn't help. But this is my honest opinion why so many people might be against abstinent relationships. The fact sex has been indirectly promoted for almost 100 years arguably and also the fact that let's face it having sex with someone is no longer that much of a big deal unless you consider certain circumstances such as adultry, swinging, etc.

    • Interesting but sex is promoted in some middleeastern/Asian countries in movies for so long but still sex is taboo. You can watch some turkish movies and see how fucked up it is. There is no turkish movie without cheating eachother with their relatives lol. I dont understand why this dont work in turkey

Most Helpful Girls

  • It's the culture that people have created with toxic mind sets about "sex" in general now. Studies show that sex in intimate relationships is a good thing but should never be the center focus, and that it's an important part of marriage. However it's not what you are supposed to base a healthy relationship on according to science. Studies show that "abstinence until marriage" gives a couple a better chance at a more successful life as well as successful children. Not many people realize the benefits of that kind of relationship you speak of and do have a rather negative veiw on it because our society only encourages instant gratification instead od learning the pleasures and benefits of patience and self control. People don't like it when their paradigm on reality is challenged because it goes against what they've been conditioned to believe. That's why people are very against it and make illogical and untrue arguments to support why one shouldn't and ththeththey couldn't live that lifestyle.
    There's a lot about this subject in psychology and even sex therapy.

    • @90sVibe I completely agree.

    • @Jamie05rhs I totally agree with you.

    • @Jamie05rhs I totally agree

  • Because most people have a sexual drive that would make them uncomfortable in that type of relationship.

    This is a random question, but have you considered if you are asexual? Though maybe it's just low sex-drive.

    • I don't think I'm asexual because I do like women, and I like when she dresses nice or puts stockings and other stuff. But I don't like sex, it's dirty and spoils things.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Cause they fucking suck

  • I think the main reason is because wholesome and abstinent are limitant...

    Why limit yourself to a person who does not want to be with you in the same ways as you...

    Wholesome is a word that reeks of puritanism. Relationships aren't meant to be prude - they are also not meant to be endless orgies.

    They are meant to be loving and caring, and if you feel you need time to establish a connection with another person, or wish to remain abstinent, that's nobody's business but your own.

  • Im fine being abstinent from penetrative sex til marriage as long as we’re still making out and masturbating eachother

  • Because people lile to gain experience explore their sexuality and get to know what they like in a sexual relationship.

  • What do you mean exactly?

  • Well, do you mean in perpetuity? I’m for wholesomeness and abstinence prior to marriage, but a prohibition on sex that isn’t terminal... heck no. I want kids, I want family, I want intimacy and I don’t think those desires are lacking in wholesomeness.

  • There are 'romances' and there are PLATONIC friendships...
    In the former, there exists 'the Lover' and 'the Beloved' ... it is NEVER 'equal'.
    They whom are LEAST emotionally invested CONTROLS the relationship~

    In Platonic relations there exist a FAR greater degree of equity.

  • Why having sexual relationship is wrong tho? I can't understand when you can make love or make out with your partner. He/She is your partnercwhich you both committed to love each other and being sweet or flirtatious is what holding your relationship. I guess no sexual relationship can be a huge impact about attraction between both sides.
    Imagine you and your love just be like cuddling, kissing and what else? I mean you will feel bored (I mean like you will feel you need to refresh your love once by doing it).
    - For me (my opinion) I want to have sexual one with someone I love and ofcourse in love way so it can increase our attraction.

  • There are many diff. reasons. Some just want sex.

    But in your case I understand why you feel this way.

  • Kinda hurts at times, like a stabbing pain that keeps increasing if I don't do it. Sometimes pass out from it or feel nausea.

  • Just talk to her. Explain how you feel. And work hard on feeling better!

    • I've already told her I don't want to have sex with her. First she says she understands, but then she cries.

    • Because in her mind sex equals love. That’s how modern relationships work. They are built on sex, sadly. Rather than more rock solid attributes like friendship, compassion, respect, communication etc. Tell her that you still love her, but don’t need to have sex to show it.

  • I think it depends you can still have a wholesome very cute relationship and it be sexual however, if you don't want sex maybe date someone who is asexual, then it wouldn't be a huge problem

  • Because the internet makes everyone have a 'grass is greener' mindset.

  • Sex is a form of commitment. Sure you can go without it but that would make you a little mroe than friends. Because end of the day when you chose to share your life with someone you want them at least to want you physically if they don't you'll always doubt why they're sticking around

  • Because sex is pleasurable. I’m not against other people being abstinent, but it’s not the lifestyle I want for my sex. I wouldn’t date someone that didn’t want to have sex with me.

    • Right. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that didn't want sex. That's one major reason for being in a relationship is sex. It's not the only reason. If I'm in a sexless relationship it might as well just be considered a close friendship in all reality

    • @hbg84 exactly.

    • @cherokeehp when I was on this dating app the was this girl that was asexual she was repulsed by sex. She was looking for a guy that would only be there for emotional support. Needless to say after several years she's still looking.

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  • Because many people like to have sex.

  • Because they have different sexual beliefs and preferences.
    I don't think you will be able to make them see it any other way.
    I've tried it, and it doesn't work, the incompatibility will simply become more of an issue with time.

    If you aren't a sexual person, you ought to look for someone like you.
    That has been my experience, and I've met enough women with compatible sexual beliefs, so you definitely don't have to keep maintaining something that is on a crash course.

  • They’re horny

  • Sometimes it feels like the woman is fucking you.

    Definitely a breakdown somewhere. You need that sensitivity and reset, to attune to each other, I say. I don't like it women rush. Just fucking take your time, chill a bit. Try and feel something. It will make it 100% better.

    • Frankly I'm happy enough and actually wish it would stay that way

    • With not having sex?

    • Too sick for it and never liked it much anyway

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  • What's "wholesome" about it, compared with a sexual relationship? It seems rather unnatural to me.

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