Why are men more concerned with and disgusted by promiscuous women or women who have sexually been with a lot of men?

[Anonymous]

www.youtube.com/live/Q55MeOalDUo?feature=share

[MrOracle]

1. Paternity. Men don't want to raise another man's children (yes, exceptions...), and so sexual fidelity is important to assure paternity. This has been true for thousands of years at least.

2. Women pair-bond when they have sex with a man - even if they don't want or don't intend to - as a rule they are unable to have casual sex without bonding, and the exceptions are mostly those who have had trauma at a young age. The ability to pair bond is diminished with each additional partner, and much beyond 8, and their pair-bonding ability is virtually gone. At this point, they can have casual sex without much loss or pain when it's over, but they also can't sustain a relationship, because they easily get bored and start looking around for something better, or just different. And in a serious relationship, this often comes at an incredibly high cost to the man.

3. Women who are virgins when they marry report being happy in their marriage after 10 years at an 80% rate. Women with 5 partners report being happy at only 30% after 10 years. The more partners, the lower that percentage.

4. More past relationships means more emotional damage and more baggage - she's much more likely to hold the new guy responsible for past trauma, and to have trust issues.

There are plenty of studies that cover all of this, but, there is definitely good reason that men care about this.

Most women, on the other hand, do not care about a man's promiscuous past (most men they find extremely attractive have incredibly promiscuous pasts, but that wouldn't slow them down a bit). Women care a lot more about other things, based on their actual actions and choices, despite what they might say.

[Asker]

Very well said!

[Juxtapose]

What about a man's ability to pair bond? You can't tell me that a guy sleeping around doesn't make him less sensitive to other people's emotions..

[Apple1996]

@Juxtapose pair bonding isn't even real for humans. It's some shit that birds do to mate for a season or two. Doesn't even form a strong bond so it's really terrible thing to even compare a loving strong relationship in humans to.

[Juxtapose]

@Apple1996 I was trying to use his own logic to prove a point but I do agree with you. People bond through experiences, time together, etc. Not just sex.

[MrOracle]

@Juxtapose Actually, I can. Generally (and, yes, exceptions exist), men can have casual sex and not get attached. Billions of women can verify this to be true. Men have to be in love in order to pair bond, and unlike for women, that's not directly linked to sex for men. So, for example, a guy and a girl each have slept with 20 people, but the guy was only in love with 3 of his partners. For the woman, she has 20 broken pair-bonds, and all of the emotional damage that comes with that - even if some or most of those partners were "casual." For the man, he has 3 broken pair bonds - the 17 casual partners never had a pair bond to break. That's a consequence of men's dating strategy, which is to impregnate as many women as possible - men were designed to be able to have casual sex, and women weren't. Obviously this means that some women forego husbands and children to have casual sex instead, and this is why men have distinct categories for women: "relationship material" and "for recreational use only".

[Asker]

@Juxtapose A man's and a woman's ability to pair-bond is not the same. As @MrOracle has mentioned, there is a distinct difference due to evolutionary biology and psychology.

[Apple1996]

@MrOracle even if pair bonding was real women would have to orgasm to create that bond. And you probably already know women only orgasm 20% of the time with a long term partner so literally 80% of women even with long term partners aren't bonded to them. Let alone being bonded to a hookup. Men also aren't made to impregnate many women. That is a myth. Literally a man getting one woman pregnant leaves them with tons and tons of work to provide for mother and child. So much work that other men/women in their communities/village are suppose to step up and put work in for that child too

[MrOracle]

@Apple1996 You're talking about civilization and bands of people who lived together, and that's true to some extent there, but it was also true that men often had multiple wives, plus slaves (tribes that went to war with each other routinely took defeated enemy as slaves, though these were usually older children, women, and older men - warrior-age men were killed, as were infants). Men also routinely raped the women of the enemy, both out of blood lust and in an effort to breed them out of existence. That's not politically correct to talk about today, but that's been the norm for most of human history. So, in fact, it was quite common for men - at least, successful, warrior-class men - to impregnate many women. I'm sure there have always been passive, "beta" men, and those likely wouldn't reproduce, and were likely often kept as slaves.

[Apple1996]

Having multiple wives has never worked out. Not back then and also not now since kids/women need a provider, sometimes even multiple providers as I already said. It's how we are naturally suppose to mate. There are literally natural hormones that men get being around a pregnant woman to make them stick around. Some miss out on those for whatever reason (natural deadbeats if you will lol) but still men meant to stick around for their kid/one baby mama (not multiple)

[MrOracle]

@Apple1996 This is true of average men, and always has been (and I'm an average man - I don't see myself as exceptional as a man overall), but there have always been men with lots of power and resources, who have always had multiple wives/women. Yes, they are the exception, but those exceptions have always been with us.

[ThomasDavid1989]

I don't care

I do care about STDS, unwanted pregancies, and legal trouble

Also, if she's ever been with a guy who is considerable older than her

Like 34 and 19. That means when he was 30, she was 15. That's pedophilia

[LazerBean]

When it comes to promiscuity, men tend to view the opposite sex logically while women tend to view it more empathetically. Men logically know that sluts are disgusting, they just choose to not apply that logic to themselves and thus are slut who look down on other sluts and want a moral superior. Women empathetically know that it would be hypocritical and borderline retarded to view someone negatively for doing something that they themselves also do, so they accept their equals.

[Asker]

Do you believe there are any evolutionary psychological and/or biological reasons as to why men and women feel and think about this issue differently?

[LazerBean]

Psychologically I would say that men already tend to choose logic while wen tend to choose empathy. I can articulate what I think of the biological aspect tomorrow if you want, but I'm at a point in my day where I don't feel like putting a lot of thought into my responses lol

[DubiousIntentions]

Funny, as who do you think they are being promiscuous with? It isn't the family dog. Come to think about it, it could be. 🤔😂😆🤣

[AngryCarl2]

I really hope it's not the family dog.

[Asker]

@DubiousIntentions Well, I see what you are saying, but I do not think it is entirely the same from both the men's and women's perspectives. Many sources citing science, as well as testimonies from men seem to suggest men are more concerned and take more issue with this as opposed to women. Now, this isn't to say that there are no men who are fine with promiscuous women nor women who are concerned about a man's promiscuity, rather, it is to say that generally speaking it has been noted, studied, and observed that men are much more concerned about this than women are. The sources citing science, specifically evolutionary psychology, and biology talk about pregnancy, paternity, pair-bonding, and more as to why men and women are affected differently in this realm.

[Apple1996]

@AngryCarl2 keep your pups hidden away 🐶

[Apple1996]

Most people would rather not be with someone that sluts around. I think what it comes down to is that women can look past a man that was slutty but a man can't look past a woman being slutty. So really just the fact that women are more accepting then men.

[Asker]

How about evolutionary biology and psychology? Do you think there are any possibility of these being viable reasons for why there is a difference between men and women?

[Apple1996]

I don't see any difference besides that women are more accepting

[Berethor]

Instinct, 'mama's baby, papa's maybe' trope, and a man is like key, a woman is like a lock.

[Kabluie]

insecurity and jealousy. you don't have look far around gag for older incels only looking to date virgins.

[DubiousIntentions]

I'll have to take your word on that.

[Asker]

Well, GAG is not particularly representative of anything to my knowledge. Also, the topic I'm talking about is talking about men, in general, using a variety of sources including other social media that may be more representative, formal surveys, etc.

[Nikki1989]

It all comes down to the many insecurities so many men have.

[weysally]

your right there, I have had many men and written to a lot, but they all have the same type of question, which man had the biggest one, who cares as long as they doit right

[Asker]

@Nikki1989 Well, I do think insecurity plays a part in this question but I don't think it is the most significant reason why men are usually more concerned or disgusted by women who are promiscuous or who have sexually been with a lot of men. I think, as was mentioned in the podcast linked above, there are evolutionary biological, and psychological reasons that can be talked about for this topic.

[msc545]

Yes, we are insecure about women who cheat and give us STDs.

[weysally]

@msc545 what about men that cheat and give us std

[msc545]

@weysally what about them?

[Babygirl_S]

I'm a virgin and I am not attracted to men with a very high body count. I think they have lost the ability to bond.

[msc545]

Mostly because they are far more likely to cheat.

[Allday4]

Bc they haven’t had the same experience. They want a female that makes them feel wanted. That’s all on the girl though