Sexual Relationships
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Why are men reluctant to dominate women sexually?

The Women’s Movement did a lot of great things, particularly for women, which were long overdue. It also largely destroyed the traditional role of men, i.e. default head of household, final decision maker and sexual leader, without offering a substitute. Hence traditional men largely didn’t know how to treat women. Combine that with all the PC rules and the career threatening sexual harassment training and men became to some degree afraid and/or resentful of women. After a few years of drifting rudderless, I decided to just go back to being the polite, courtly gentleman I’ve always been. I hit a few bumps along the way but it worked out pretty well.

One thing all this served to do was to make me aware that a man’s role in “real life” and his sexual role are two different and unrelated things. I treat my lady like an absolute princess in real life and am both very sincere and earnest about it. I was raised in a house where women were respected, admired, and revered. That said, when the clothes start coming off, her ass is mine!!

I’m a very dominant lover with a sadistic streak and I like nothing better than going all cave man on her. She likes that, too. We’re quite kinky so spanking, bondage, nipple/genital/anal torture, and other practices are the order of the day. For years, I struggled to reconcile that dichotomy when I finally realized I didn’t need to. Real life is real life and sex is sex and they aren’t directly connected. So I do my dominant cave man, sadist thing and feel great about it.

I feel like a lot of, if not most men don’t get it. They are all bound up in the real life way of treating women and can’t accept that the same woman they live with can kick ass in the boardroom and happily surrender hers in the bedroom. It’s up to her to set him at ease and help him understand that if she needs to be soundly spanked and/or dominated sexually, he needs to honor that and not see it as disrespectful.

IMPORTANT: Safe words are an imperative part of rough, dominant sex. See My Take on Safe Words.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think guys act like how they always have... like women have always made the main decisions, and the guy just had the technical role. I think that's why even today women can get lots of extra benefits that can be harder for guys to get.

    But for sex stuff, I like rough sometimes but not bdsm, torture, or insults. People are different I guess.

    • You're right. It's all basic biology: the males compete and the females choose. That's as it should be since the females have so much more skin in the game: carrying the young, largely raising them, etc. Have you ever experimented with a blindfold, being tied up?

    • I've thought about it but nope. Also I wouldn't like rope at all. I don't like tight things or pain, or especially uncomfortable things, ever.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm actually into that stuff, but I'm afraid I will injure her or hurt her someway. It's fun and all, but there's always a risk and I don't want to be responsible. There are certainly things I refuse to do, like choking or needles. It's too much.

    • Choking is borderline for me. I'll do it but only gently. I've had women who want more but I refuse unless it's someone I know so well that I trust them and even then, we practice it before the scene so we're on the same page and I do NOT let myself get carried away in the moment. I, too, don't do anything involving blood except sex during her period.

    • As for worrying about hurting her, set up safe words and then go for it. She'll love you for being her rough and manly Dom.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 2

  • Absolutely agree, great post!!

    • Thank you for your kind words! It's nice to hear.

  • Mines not lol.

    • Who's not what?

    • I just answered your headline question.

    • Ah!!! Good for you. See messaging.

  • Nope I will never have rough sex or sex while intoxicated with a girlfriend or wife. You know how easy it would be for the woman to charge me with rape if our relationship went sour? I'll give you a hint: super easy. She's got the photo evidence of bruising, torn skin near the vagina, and a lot more evidence of rough sex that can look like an actual rape. No way in hell would I ever have rough sex with someone.

  • I didn't know "we" where!!!

  • Because men know that some women are dominant.

    • How true! They just aren't interesting to me though I have to confess that probably my #1 fantasy is to "take down" a Dominatrix or Domme and bend her to my will, consensually of course.

    • Interesting, I also have a fantasy of taking down some male domme and bend him to my will ;)

    • You're right. That's very interesting. I'd like to chat about that and some other things on messaging. Are you up for it?

    • Show All
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