Why Are Men SO Selfish?

Basic Respect: So Easy A CAVEMAN Could Do It!
Basic Respect: So Easy A CAVEMAN Could Do It!

Hear me out.

This isn't a femmecel thing, it's a genuine roadblock in my head where I can't understand why guys -even the good ones- are SO selfish.

Example:

We have plans that you planned. I put aside my work responsibilities for that night, knowing that my deadline would still be reached if I respected the terms of our engagement and did what needed to be done so that we could hang out. (Not date mind you, I'm talking about male friends) so I am comparing their actions to the actions of female friends DIRECTLY.

We are both busy people, and my work is just as important as yours. But while I managed my time appropriately to accommodate all the things happening in my life that day so that you would not feel forgotten (ie. making sure to vacuum my house, clean the restroom and the tabletops, dust the home, make food for the event as a good hostess does, etc) and the time we are supposed to spend time together comes and goes without a glance, you not texting to update me on why you're not showing up: You expecting me to reach out and chase you down like a pissed off momma to remind you of your engagements like I'm somehow your mother and your receptionist tied into one. And then if I do check in out of concern because 'this is a good guy. he's not typically this rude. maybe something happened' I get what? A laughed-off oopsie-daisy? A vague flippant apology? If that. Or the generic and impersonal 'well it's getting light and I'm still working on this thing I want to work on so I wasn't sure if you're still gonna be awake for long' storyline.

This last one is especially interesting to me cuz you're telling me that if you got tired and changed your mind about hanging out you would just go to sleep and expect me to read your mind about it. You have zero concern for how the lack of communication involved in your choices could lead to wasting literal hours of my fucking life because I had set aside time to clean and cook in order to make you comfortable in my house when I could have just worked an extra shift, grabbed a snack, and went to bed early. You are effectively now eating into my net income.

And it doesn't end there. You come over hours later than previously discussed and I am socialized to have to remain courteous and gracious like a good girl does because ladies do not raise their voice, they do not speak up against a man, and a good hostess is respectful of their company's concerns. This includes time concerns. But does it come from the other direction? Not a fat chance on a bat out of hell. I mention that you should bring something along because apparently I am your mother and your secretary and you have been raised by wolves. This could be anything. A bottle of wine or cheap drugstore soda. A dessert, any dessert, of your choosing. Any food item at all no matter how cheap so that you are actually fucking contributing to the social requirements of spending time together and are not just actively draining me out of my time, energy, money, and food reserves. Has any male friend ever acquiesced to the accordance of good manners in this way? Don't make me laugh. If I would invite a woman to my house she would not even need to be told. The immediate response from any woman in any social setting where I am agreeing to host us spending time together is always "What should I bring?" Because she will never be the tapeworm that a man is.

So you come over. You male friend X. And what is glued to your fingertips the entire time? Well, it's your phone of course. Why would I, a lowly female, think for even a fraction of a second that you could be without this abominable metal rock for a whole three seconds of your life uninterrupted, let alone an hour? Funny how it seems so glued to your hands now, yet you couldn't be bothered earlier to send me any type of text, email, phone call, or carrier pigeon to let me know that you're running late or work is piling up and you might need to reschedule. How dare I, a woman, desire your attention on the activity at hand when you were the one who initiated planning this event, to begin with. YOU chose this day and I moved things around to make it work. If this day wasn't available for you to be socially present, then why are you wasting my time, money, resources, and food?

And let's talk about that food. The food I provided which you hoovered down with such gusto that I barely got a bite in edge-wise. I am now starving because you couldn't be bothered to hit a drive-through and spend your precious buck twenty-five before getting here (And we both know you had no qualms about being substantially late so let's not use that as any excuse). What's the protocol here? Make more food in the hopes I'll actually be able to eat some of it this time? Kick you out because you provide nothing, are wasting my night, money, food, resources, and time, still glued to your stupid phone like an asshole? Well, that would be just rude of me now wouldn't it? It's not like this is a date. Men don't have to show basic courtesy if y'all are 'just friends' right? You mean nothing to him if your pussy isn't giving his dick a chokehold. What did I really expect?

Why are men such greedy little children who think women are meant to cater to their every whim? Why do they show little to no respect at all at any given moment? And why, when you were reading this, did you get defensive and say something like 'calm down' 'you're overreacting' 'this isn't even that deep' or 'maybe you need to lower your standards. he's *just* a friend.' /'sounds like you want to fuck him.' -_-

Funny, because my female *just* friends do not treat me like I am a free employee with buckets of disposable time, resources, and income. And I never have to give them head to 'earn' this bare-minimum basic level of common fucking sense.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • In general, men are raised differently from how women are raised. And probably, some ot those issues are embedded in this kind of men's behavior (lack of attention, lack of responsibility). He is definitely immature yet and lacks the responsibility. Maybe he is, indeed a momma's boy. Basically, he is a jerk, but not all men are like this one.

  • Why are women gold diggers?

  • And thats why you don't go all out for someone you barely know.

    I know this is just a rant and you're upset, and rightfully so. And I'm sure you are not referring to all men, just the bad apples you have met so far. But, before the truckload of triggered people show up, brace yourself. Its probably gonna get quite messy down here in the comments.

  • When you say 'Why are Men...' blah blah blah' then put a picture of a Neanderthal, we men know right where your MyTake belongs -- in the garbage -- and we also know why your love interest treated you like a worthless piece of garbage.

  • Why are WOMEN so selfish? They've got HALF the money and ALL the pussy!!

  • You see all of them that way, Not sure if people will hear you out if you paint them all as selfish cause that sure isn't the case, but they won't agree with you. You're generalizing. The ones you describe are just bad men.

  • Congratulations, he sees you as a friend. He's treating you how most guys treat each other, not as a girlfriend but just a friend. This isn't meant to be rude, its just treating you like he would his other friends. If you went over to his house there would be no effort, no cleaning or prep work, it would be "okay cool" and you would see how he lives. He didn't understand what efforts were made because he wouldn't have done it himself. As for the food, again he didn't get the effort behind it and yes he should've left you some, but to him this was a casual "hay stop by if you can" thing.

    • I agree.

  • Seems to me that rather all men on planet earth being selfish it's more that you just have poor tastes and that you contribute to being part of the problem. As you sound like a genuine nightmare to deal with.

    I hate to break it to you but just because you've met a few men who irked you doesn't mean the entire world population of men are the same.

  • This is less of a men issue and more about the fact that you're letting yourself get pushed around by assholes.

    Get better about identifying and communicating your boundaries with people and your relationships will get a million times better.

  • Wow your post is so long... I read it right now...

    In my experience guys have always been nice to me to the point where they treat me like I'm so special since sliced bread. I don't know why. They treat some girls this way and not others.

  • This is why I keep a few friends, see them once a year maybe twice and never at anyones home, it's the ultimate system if you are successful or aiming that way

  • Don't stereotype.

  • Lmao. If nothing else, this was a funny read. Thank you.

    If you just wanted to vent then by all means ignore this, but I've had sort of a similar issue where I've stopped hanging out with someone that I know and whose company that I love, because they would just do the phone thing too, and we'd both be sitting there having nothing to talk about. They still want to hangout like this, but it doesn't work for me. I now realize that it's better to not expect anything from anyone, which sounds cynical, but I really don't mean it in that way.

    They don't have to do anything. They are who they are, and you have to accept that if you want anything to do with them. Forget traditions. Forget any debt that you think that they owe you.

    I used to not like this saying that says that "love is unconditional", but I feel as though I've realized that if you expect something from someone, then even if you think it's a reasonable expectation, it's still selfish. So though you could argue that he was being selfish - and I think you're right - you were probably also being a bit selfish.

    If hanging out with him or other men in general isn't working, and they don't want to go to the same length that you're going to, don't blame them for it not working out. They're gonna do what they're gonna do. Accept that you have different opinions on what would make hanging out great, and if they don't feel like changing, and you don't feel like adjusting, then stop hanging out with them unless something changes.

  • I'm completely selfless to a fault, everything I do is for the benefit of those around me to the point that I frequently disregard my own feelings because nobody really cares when they ask how you're doing. I've been told to be more selfish, I don't know how... I don't allow myself to be a welcome mat for people to walk all over but I have a problem always putting myself last.

  • Even the good ones? Not so much. Some men behave the way you describe, but most don't. The good ones certainly don't. You need to date better men and stop generalizing all of us based on the shitty ones you've encountered.

    • No one is perfect

    • @charitychibaby Did I say they were?

  • Because a lot of them are raised being taught they are entitled

  • Some men are selfish for the same reason some women are selfish. Its not a gendered thing. Have you ever seen the stats on child neglect, and child abuse? Have you ever seen the stats on divorce? To see the answer to your question one need only look in the mirror.

  • Why are women so selfish? 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • Don't date cave men lol 😆

  • Why do some women love to generalize?

    Why do some women choose to date selfish men and then complain about them being selfish?

    Most men are not selfish like that, especially the good ones. Try dating good men instead.

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