Marriage is complicated, way beyond any possibility of me answering this question without a super long encompassing explanation. I got married at 20, and the marriage lasted 24 years, and at times it was very sexless.
From the age of 20, when got married, and 44 when I got divorced... there was a lot of ground covered. There were kids, mortgages, cars and moves involved. Career aspirations, and basically, we grew up together. In that time, we grew into adulthood together, and there were significant life events. Sometimes we went through those things together, and sometimes we had to deal with them individually.
Regardless we went through a lot together, and those shared experiences and individual experience all contributed to your individual growth and had impacts on the marriage. 24 years, it's not always pretty and easy, and yes there is animosity. Things one way or another worked out how they worked out, but significant effects impact us all differently on an individual level and contribute to our individual growth in different ways. Although we learn to deal with them and move forward, those effects or circumstances do not always get resolved. This impacts the emotional relationship and effects intimacy.
Quite simply, people grow apart even when everything in their life's leads back to the same person. You start to consider the fact that you want different things, and even though we had so much in common for decades, we start creating distance between each other. Not purposeful initially, but we all hold on to things and over time it does become a conscious effort to avoid past hurts and lingering unresolved issues. Issue you visited and revisited and honestly are never really and truly about to resolve short of creating a time machine and going back in time and making different choices.
Sometimes. it just seems that your life becomes so immersed with their life, that it become impossible to determine where they end, and you begin. It becomes difficult to see how your individual wants feeds into their wants. How much of that is based upon what your needs are compared to their needs... and if it is anything that you really want or are just doing for them. As I got into my late 30's and early 40's, I think we were both just started rediscover ourselves as individuals and it took us in different directs as we approach new significant events that were coming, and we just wanted different things.
It had nothing to do with my ex-wife not being attractive to me, or pretty enough or sexy enough. Just on an emotional level we were no longer fulfilling each other needs, and there is a long list of possibilities and reason as to why. So yes, sex in the beginning first 5 years like 3 to 5 times a week, then over time it become once or twice a week, to once a week to, down to once or twice a month, to once a month or more at best. The passion was gone, and it just became a physical exercise, and the love was gone. The physical act itself become equally physical and emotionally unfulfilling.
All people in all marriages experience this in one way or another, some deal with it better than others.
The older you get, the more you need to spend your free time just surviving - doing the chores necessary to maintain your home and family. Furthermore, your body is wearing down, so you need more time to recover. And, of course, your body just isn't the same as it is when you are young, so... I will simply say that sex is not a priority and you don't enjoy it that much anymore (even if you can do it). The nice thing is that, once you don't have sex constantly on the brain anymore, you really begin to live your life and can enjoy it more.
Sort of like what happened to George on "Seinfeld".
This is often because the men are selfish partners and don't know how to please their wife so she stops wanting sex. Or he does things to make her lose attraction.
Not talking about myself here since my sex life has stayed great over the last 8 years that I've been married. I just hear the things men say like they have "needs", they expect sex from their wife even if she's not in the mood, want their wife to be submissive to them.
Like 🤮 that gross shit would turn me off so fucking fast if my husband talked like that. a lot of men just don't understand how to make themselves look and act attractive to keep their wife interested. If they avoided acting like a desperate creep then I'm sure there sex life would stay very active.
So seeing that more and more!
Some of it is medical but most seem to just not want sex or get to see a doctor about it to fix them!
I'd die and leave a marriage with no sex! My husband has said the same thing 😂.
Not saying there can't be a marriage without some but most chest usually with porn or emotionally cheat!
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!A lot of people are in sexless marriages and have no issue with it. It's a matter of upbringing and culture. Many do not need sex, as long as somebody is washing dishes and cleaning the house.
Sure both are happy with it? The percentage of asexuals aren't that high for people to be okay with sexless marriages. Its a human need
Usually it is because the partner refusing is cheating, or one partner let themselves go physically and looks terrible. If the man doesn't want sex it is usually the woman gained a lot of weight. If the woman doesn't want it, she is likely cheating.
There are other less common reasons, but those two are the most common.
You seriously think cheating is the biggest cause of women refusing sex? It's usually older women who don't really have the energy to go out and have an affair.
I have no idea but it’s sad. Why stay with someone if there is no love or attraction or excitement there anymore
Women are just lazy and frigid; many also resent their husband for not being Chad Thundercock. A dead bedroom justifies a man cheating and her getting nothing in the divorce.
impotence?
health issues?
Depression?
Are you kinky and they're not? (why should they be?)
Asexual Orientation
I don't even know where to begin. It's complicated. But I am not married and nor do I plan to. So I am not really bothered.
Wow As a teen guy I hate to hear this. I guess I thought marriages would be full of a lot of sex. I get it that sex may slow down a bit when a couple gets way older but are some married couples really sex less? What do they do instead... just masturbate?
Not every marriage is like this, just more than it should be. Make sure you marry a woman who prioritizes it and make sure she enjoys it too (learn about the female body and hers specifically).
The learning part sounds like fun!
People stress out, and wives stress out more then men do. They say women are better at multi-tasking, but that has an effect on them. I think sometime women lose respect for their husband through fights also and that doesn't help. I think they view sex as a chore. And women do you sex as a weapon also. Women usually need more of an emotional connection for sex. Men don't.
One or both are too comfortable in the dreary situation to change it. For the man it might be fear of losing the house and still having to pay her - alimony is for life till remarriage in many places, especially in longer marriages.
I have a feeling waiting until marriage will help regarding this issue.
Interesting. I fully agree on waiting, but curious how it would help?
For one, people are going to be more exited about it when it’s something new. If they’ve been having sex for years before getting married, it’s not going to start as special and you’ll have already used up a lot of this sexual battery power people seem to have.
Makes sense! You are just happy to be with your partner and dont have anything to compare your current situation with
Women have the leverage after they are married. Especially if you have kids. A lot of people get married for the wrong reasons and when the women realizes she doesn't have to be intimate anymore she can just stop. The husband has to decide between a sexless marriage or wasting all of his time and money.
That or one or both doesn't put in the needed effort to maintain intimacy
There is probably attractiveness have faded somewhat from getting older or just not staying in shape. Also I do think not just the women but the man can be to tired to have sex from work and chores. Also if they have kids it might be hard to find time to have sex. There is many things that can make a marriage sexless but I think if they keep the fire and why they had sex in the past they have a C marriage with sex.
Well, not speaking from experience, never been married. However I know there are multiple factors such as time and mood, but also work, stress, kids, and sometimes even health is a factor.
I think it’s a combination of many things and can’t be pinned down to just one variable
Cuz the wife gets fat
I'm in a 6 year marriage, sex pretty much stopped as soon as we got married. Like once a year. I've tried leaving 3 times but she usually guilts me into staying. So I guess this is just life. What sucks is I always had a high sex drive, I'd love to have sex everyday or every other day.
I'm sorry about your situation. Sit down with her and ask her why this is, and ask her what solutions she suggests.. You have a problem, so you need a solution. Does she need you to help out more, lessen her chores? Is there anything you can do to make it more enjoyable for her? Does she need to see a doctor? If she doesn't have any solutions and doesn't wanna fix it, know your worth.
She's got her children and considered herself a mum not a wife.
She has little respect for her husband or he's third or fourth in her life (behind the cat)
She has unrealistic expectations of marriage, of her man
She's living in a male dominated patriarchy and does not want him happy.
I hear about 20% of marriages are sexless.
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