Why can’t guys just be friends with a girl without wanting to date them or wanting sex?

[QueenTaly]

[MrOracle]

What you don't realize, as a woman, is that when you are "friends" with a man, you naturally expect a lot from him. You want his time, attention, favors, and labor - women take a LOT from a man in a friendship. I can't tell you how many endless favors I've done for female friends. If there was a fair way to put a dollar value on all of the things I've done for them, they'd be shocked by the debt they'd racked up.

Well, guess what? Men want things too - we don't want to be "friends" if that friendship is completely one-sided - with the man always giving and the woman always taking. When a man has a friendship with another man, it doesn't go that way - your male friends pay their own way, they help you out just as you help them out, and they aren't at all offended if you don't spend time with them or call them. I have guy friends that I don't see for years at a time, but when we get together, there is zero problems - you'd think we hung out every day, because the friendship picks up right where it left off.

But there's only one reason why men put up with female friends: sex. If it wasn't for sex, then men would mostly not be friends with women at all, and you'd be left to fend for yourselves. Sex is the only thing a woman has to offer to a man (if he's not interested in a romantic relationship with her) that makes all of the time, effort, favors, hassles, and drama worth dealing with. Women don't understand how much men desire PEACE, and most women don't bring peace to a man's life, they bring constant NEED and DRAMA and he's got to DEAL with all of it all the time. It's exhausting.

Make no mistake: all (or virtually all) of your male "friends" want to sleep with you. A few of them will want a romantic relationship with you, but most probably don't, but they ALL want sex, because sex is what men value - it's what motivates us. Men that can't get sex have little motivation to do anything - most would be happy to live in their parent's basement and play videogames and do nothing to improve themselves, because the whole reason that men do ANYTHING is ultimately to raise their status so that they have more/better opportunities to get sex. Sex is the most important thing to a man that isn't getting any - that's simply the nature of a man. It's why we exist - to spread our seed. If you don't understand that, then you don't understand the nature of men.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't have this problem, women never ask me for anything favor wise, sometimes I've done favors in return if they did something nice for me, but my friendships with women usually play out like my friendships with guys.

[MrOracle]

Well, you are the exception to the rule. I can't do all the things my female friends ask me to do because I am already working 50-60 hours a week, but even then, the requests are constant and never ending. Most of my guy friends have the same experience.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think the only things any of my friends ever ask of me is if I want to play a video game with them or to watch a video they found, and very rarely I get asked for advice, but most of the people I know can typically handle their own problems/tasks. My friendships with people my age are very much the way friends typically are as kids, except we work jobs.

[JamesDiaz11]

Because we're mammals, and our biological imperative is to reproduce. There's no historical precedent to men and women being platonic friends (outside kin bonds). Men had to intimately bond to their wife so they could have and raise children together, but they had to form camaraderie bonds with men in order to work together, go to war, build, etc.

Men and women do not have the same life experience at all- and I'm not even saying that one has it more difficult, but one of the foundations of friendship is sharing similar experiences, desires, etc. Men can bond over talking about women, the difficulties of their life they can't share with women, and any number of things.

While you're in high school, and you'd think that the guys have similar life walks as you, they don't. Rejection, proving oneself, growing into your strength/ dependability are all parts of what the young men are moving through, and you simply can't comprehend this enough to be actual friends with them- and they know it.

Beyond this, women simply aren't interesting enough to us to want to be friend with them as opposed to being friends with guys- even if YOU think that guys cause less drama, and you prefer being around them.

[OlderAndWiser]

Some guys are perfectly capable and willing to have platonic relationships with girls, som guys - particularly teen boys - are obsessed with having sex, and some girls conduct themselves in a way that attracts the attention of sexually-obsessed young men. If you find this happening to you repeatedly, perhaps you are doing something to invite that type of attention.

[SnowedIn]

They can.

[Berethor]

Well not so hard if the girl is ugly, but most guys don't want to be friends with an ugly girl.

[Soldieronamission]

Are we talking about men or boys? Teenage boys have raging hormones and all men do basically throughout their life. When we think with our hormones which is connected to our penis then we can't be friends with females, if that's what we're attracted to. We're visually stimulated, so naturally attracted to pretty girls.

[Dargil]

What is the purpose of dating without advancing sexual intimacy? You should take your time advancing into sexual intimacy but otherwise, men make better friends for other men.

[RavVid]

Yes indeed we can be just friends with girls. But within 0.0001 to 10 seconds of meeting said girl,, a guy has already thought 'I want to have sex with her' or 'I don't want to have sex with her'.

If it is the later it is easy to be just friends. If the first then we are in a conflicting position of pretending to be just friends until we lose interest. Which we might and then we can be just friends genuinely.

[QueenTaly]

Well that’s one way lol

[BagoH]

Human nature what else unless he doesn't find your personality and looks attractive then it's possible yes

[QueenTaly]

So all I have to do is not be attractive in his eyes 🫠

[BagoH]

Well yeah the question is can you? The way you talk to him treat him will determine some but even then he might mistake your behavior for romantic behavior by deluding himself into believing that you are indeed also into him

[QueenTaly]

I’ll actually go insane if he thinks that after I tell him I have a boyfriend 30 million times

[BagoH]

well then you'll have a mental case on your hands unfortunately 😂😭

[QueenTaly]

What is wrong with you guys 😭😭

[BagoH]

Dude probably gets no action hence he's desperate , I feel sorry for the guy hope he does better tbh. Don't be a dick to him tho lol

[QueenTaly]

I’m not trust me 😭💙

[exitseven]

I have had many female friends/ I never had sex with any of them.

[QueenTaly]

This 💙

[MrOracle]

Whether or not you had sex with them is irrelevant. If you WANTED to have sex with them, that desire is going to affect your relationship, and it's not really a genuine friendship. The vast majority of men cannot be "just friends" with a woman they find attractive. This doesn't mean they sleep with those women (it happens sometimes, but more the exception than the rule), but the fact that they WANT to sleep with them means that they aren't really just friends.

[exitseven]

@MrOracle At times I had wondered if maybe I wanted the relationship to br more than whet it was but it was never all about sex.

[MrOracle]

To be fair, sometimes the guy wants a relationship rather than just casual sex, but it's rare that the guy is friends with a girl and doesn't want one or the other. It's POSSIBLE, but usually in that case it's because he doesn't find the girl to be sexually attractive. Most guys don't befriend girls they don't find attractive, though, so it goes back to guys wanting sex (or a relationship).

[exitseven]

@MrOracle No, mostly I really enjoyed the friendship and never wanted to screw it up.

[Grond21]

We absolutely can. The only men who say we cannot are those steeped in the hook up culture.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm friends with women I'm not sexually/romantically interested in.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm also straight by the way, I'm just very picky, so it's much easier to find females I'd be friends with than ones that I would date.