Why do guys have a hard time with their girlfriend having given a blowjobs to other men?

[Anonymous]

I finally had the talk with my boyfriend about our sexual past and kinda dropped a bomb by honestly admitting my excessive amount of sex partners. To make it seem less bad I also told him that most of these men I just gave a blowjob, which is also true. It seemed that kinda made it worse to him but I don't get a clear answer why so I can only go guessing..

A) Is it beacause a blowjob is "sluttier"? Since honestly, I am on my knees between his legs, worshipping and sevicing his schlong with my mouth while looking up at him. I get that that makes the powerexchange with me in a very submissive position and him in a very dominant position quite big.

B) Is it because men see it as an unfair exchange? Like me only pleasuring another guy while I didn't really get anything in return?

C) Is it because with a blowjob, there's no condom involved and I always end up swallowing the guys' loads. I know guys are very territorial and tend to make a big deal of where they finish. Like leaving their seed in a girl is like marking what they conquered/dominated. And so these guys marked me by leaving their seed in my belly? As weird as it sounds, it does seem to come up with men.

Or is there another reason I didn't get?

[MrBadd]

With this kind of guy it wouldn't matter what you told him. He'd have a problem with the number.

The way men's minds work, and they're not wrong here, is that they judge how much a woman is into a guy based on how she acts towards him sexually.

A woman will be more likely to want to do more to please a guy she's more into. The less she's into the guy - as in the more she's "settling" for the guy - the more she'll want in return whether sexually or otherwise.

What men want to feel is that they're getting the "sexual best" of their girl. When they think you did more for another guy sexually they feel like second best to him.

It's probably similar to a guy who maybe took his girlfriend out a lot to nice places, bought her gifts, wanted to marry her. Then with you he never takes you out, never buys anything for you, doesn't want to marry you. You feel (rightly) that he's not as into you as he was her.

[MrBadd]

Hit send before I finished. Giving a guy a blowjob with nothing in return is all about pleasing him, vs having sex with the guy where the pleasure is mutual. If he's a guy who has never had a woman want to do that for him which I suspect is the case, that's why he has an issue.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight. Yes it's like you said, my boyfriend hasn't experienced that with a woman. Why is it such a big deal that I pleased those guys without anything in return?

[MrBadd]

It's because he's never experienced a woman having the level of desire towards him that she'd enjoy pleasing him in that way. Do you do the same for him? If not then that's probably a big deal to him, and the easiest way to fix it would be to - of course only if you want to, it can't be forced - be more sexually adventurous and willing to please him. If you do the same for him then it's more to do with his naivety, as with the other guys here calling you a "whore" and all that. They have the Madonna/whore complex, where they see women in black and white terms of "good girls" vs "sluts" with no in-between.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I think some guys are just uncomfortable with the discovery of their girlfriend's slutty past, regardless of the precise sex acts involved. Personally, I just assume from Day one that she was a raging slut in her past, and then I can always backtrack from that assumption if new information disproves it. At least that way I don't get any uncomfortable surprises after having wrongly assumed she's this "pure innocent" good girl.

[chrissykerdock]

just don't tell your boyfriend your blowing other guys if you have friends that you give blowjobs to or what have you... i've given other guys blowjobs as well when i had boyfriends... but like you said often if not always it was just me servicing them and not getting anything from them other than giving them head so it's not exactly being a slut.

[vald9inches]

I love your attitude and the way you think and your sex positivity! ❤️

[Asker]

I agree that maybe it was wiser to not put the idea in his head of me sucking on a lot of different dicks. But I never did it while in a relationship. Unless he asks that of course ;) I do think it's slightly slutty (which I do not see as a bad thing by the way) even if I'm not getting any.

[vald9inches]

@Asker I don't know much about your relationship but are you happy with him? Would you be more happy with a more open minded guy?

[kyleelyn199723]

Because what guy what’s to picture your mouth be on another guys ding dong? He doesn’t. He wants to picture his as being the only one.

[kyleelyn199723]

Wants*

[Asker]

yes, but pretty much everyone has had past partners. I also think of guys' previuos sex partners but it doesn't annoy me. And why a blowjob worse than sex?

[kyleelyn199723]

I understand, but guys are visual and the more you describe, the more they visualize it and it haunts them. It turns them off.

[Asker]

So if I just said sex with no further description, he would have been less bothered because now he actually visualizes me on my knees with other guys' dongs in my mouth. Actually makes sense...

[kyleelyn199723]

My boyfriend put this into perspective for me because I used to bring up my sexual past, but he really wasn’t okay with it

[Asker]

Why did you bring it up yourself? And what did you say? Names, positions,?

[kyleelyn199723]

Because I was used to be open about it with my ex and it never really dawned on me that men have different perspectives on things, but also my ex never really respected me so us talking about our sexual pasts was more like competition and he ended up cheating on me. My boyfriend respects me and doesn’t want to picture me with any other guy. I would tell him about my experiences, with some guys he knows (unintentionally) , just mostly my experiences, and what I have done

[Asker]

Yeah I also told names and a little too much details. I do notice it's awkward when those guys are around us.

[TheCunningLinguist]

Ouch! They are guys he knows and has to see on the regular, that'll bother even the most secure men, whether they say so or not.

[kyleelyn199723]

Agreed! My boyfriend still gets insecure that I have a certain type and he thinks he isn’t my type. Guys are so much more fragile than women lol

[Asker]

@TheCunningLinguist Yeah, I know. But is it really that bad? I don't get guys. I have done things with guys who are now in a relationship with some of my bets friends. It doesn't get that weird between us. Especially since what I did with them was totally casual.

[kyleelyn199723]

Girl every guy is different. I used to sell legging pics to this guy, and I got caught in my current relationship doing that and he took it as cheating, while other guys wouldn’t take it that way. Men are different. I find the ones that do care to be more caring however from my experience.

[MrHopper]

Its an odd hang up, i think people want "purity" a little too much... speaking from experience their is nothing more boring in the bedroom than a virgin

[Leavesbound]

I don't care honestly. I've actually helped one girl friend give a guy a blow job but then I'm bi.

[Achilles1]

Because most guys don't want someone that's had experience with plenty of other guys.
He knows he's not the same to you, compare to let's say, if he was your only experience.

Plus the more someone's been around, the more likely he realizes that that person is likely to cheat, as they have less discipline in that regard.

But it's respectful that you were at least honest with him.

[Achilles1]

But ye, I guess the act of getting on your knees and actually putting it in your mouth, is even more submissive and going further in my opinion. He probably thinks the same thing.

[Asker]

Yeah I always thought, it's just a blowie. But when I think back on it, it's actually pretty slutty I guess.

[slatyb]

What about "your boyfriend is a sexist ass" ?

[kkirk4442]

Despite all the many sex partners some men want to have, most of them want a woman who has not had a lot of sex partners. It's patently hypocritical, but it's how it is.

[sammy1999]

i think guy want too be first and if not its a hit to there ego

[TheSpaceGnome]

Infection risk.

[genericname85]

do you love imagining your boyfriend being sexual with another girl? we tend not to like that stuff. i think not only men are like that.

[Asker]

I honestly don't mind that much really. Doesn't bother me.

[genericname85]

i mean i know my partner has previous experiences :D that fact doesn't bother me. but i don't wanna know about their specific sexual encounters xD

[genericname85]

i don't have cuckold fantasies, that's why i don't like thinking about my girl being with someone else.

[ToastyOats]

Its kinda sad you just hand out blowjobs. I guess to a guy who is potentially trying to love you it probably hurts to think of you being used like. a Kleenex and that you don't seem to get that is what all those guys did. Both sexes do it, I've been used for a quick fuck before and I would hesitate to tell my partner. I really don't believe in full disclosure in a marriage anyway.

[Asker]

I don't tink it's sad. I think a woman can have fun with casual sex as well, even if it is just a blowjob. I do understand that my boyfriend is loving my and putting effort into me, while these other guys didn't. Unlike you said, I am very aware of the fact that these guys weren't very respectful. They tend to make that very clear with what they said to me and how they hold my hair or slap me during the act. But I just don't really see why that's such a problem. My boyfriend is the one who gets to keep me. Now the fact that guys use me as a "Kleenex", does that relate to the slutty view (A) or to the territorial cum thing (C)?

[ToastyOats]

a lot of women don't enjoy being treated with respect, like it's a turn off and there's a lot of guys that don't have any respect for women any more than a Kleenex and they tend to have majority of the sex with younger women. In a different time those men would have just been buried in a swamp by a girls male relative. I don't really understand your categories, but I'll tell you, your relationship with this guy won't work unless you change your philosophy of love and sex. No offense I've been around and I can tell where your at.

[Asker]

then tell me where you think I'm at.

[ToastyOats]

Your at the trying to get paid for you blow jobs now, IE marriage. You've stepped up your game. Congrats. No one likes to hear, that what their paying for dearly and second hand was mint condition and free to people who didn't give a fuck about it. But the cherry on the cake is that you dont grasp how that would make your husband feel and are asking strangers online to validate your lack of empathy on this matter. Not gonna do that, I respect your guy more than that.

[ToastyOats]

I'm going to bed. I have a tough job.

[Asker]

I still don't get why it's such a big deal. Well I can't change the past and spit these guys' cum back in their dicks. So my boyfriend should get used to the idea. not much else to it. Good night.

[Wise4myage]

In my opinion, no guy should care about that unless the girl was cheating.

[vald9inches]

Because they evidently think that girls are like a pair of sneakers 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

[vald9inches]

I personally would be happy that she trusted me enough to tell me and i would be happy that she was enjoying her life and was happy

[COMMODOREII]

Cheating obviously

[KrakenAttackin]

Because every time he kisses your lips he will be wondering about all the cocks he's kissing as well.

Your "truth bomb" is actually a "whore bomb" and he probably just mentally eliminated you as a contender to be his wife.

[Kelly6]

Just don’t tell your boyfriend.

[NYlatefun]

Lol do you do that?

[7771999]

Poor guy

[KrakenAttackin]

@7771999. He can just dump her and move on. She is 30+ , and there are plenty of these women around.

[7771999]

Yeah. But it's not always so easy

[JamieLoves]

Doesn’t bother me..

[obtuseocelot]

Lol. I don't care.

[vegasgotlights]

Honestly I think it's hot thinking about it

[RCLJT]

Get out of the house and for Gods sake quit listening to liberal idiots.

[Waldoe]

DO NOT SHARE your sexual history... NEVER... it's nobody's business. All I know for sure, the 1st time with a girl, is that it is my 1st time with her and her 1st time with me, so it is NEW for both of us and that makes it special. we are virgins for each other... relax, let go of labels