Why do guys like to watch other race/ethnicities but he's dating another?

My fiance likes to watch black girls, but I'm Asian and he never watches Asians. I am confused because if he likes black girls, why is he "settling" with an Asian?

I know that "you can look but can't touch" thing but whenever he's looking stuff up to watch, it's always black girls.

When I ask about it and explain that it kinda makes me insecure or feel some type of way, he acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about and he ignores me or gets mad at me and goes to drink. Then, he gets drunk and he wants to fuck all the time (like humping me, trying to take my clothes off, forcing me sometimes), but if I show that I wanna fuck, he pushes me away and gets mad at me (only when he's drunk).

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Superb Opinion

  • It's not uncommon for people to be attracted to individuals of different races and ethnicities than their own. However, it's important to remember that attraction is not the same as preference, and it's not fair or accurate to assume that your fiance is "settling" for you just because he is not watching Asian women in porn or other media.

    It's understandable that you feel insecure and uncomfortable about your fiance's behavior, especially if he is ignoring your concerns and getting angry or drunk when you bring it up. It's important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and concerns, and to set clear boundaries around what is and is not acceptable behavior in your relationship.

    It's not okay for your fiance to force you or push you away when he is drunk, and it's important to prioritize your own safety and well-being in the relationship. If your fiance is not willing to respect your boundaries or listen to your concerns, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and consider whether it is healthy and fulfilling for you.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Objects of beauty are good to look at. I don't think about race. I think about beauty.

    • So then why does he tell me that I "better not look at other guys" and such things like that? He can be selfish and things are ok, but the moment I'm looking at something, it's wrong of me to?

    • It is because he is insecure and doesn't trust you.

    • So basically just excuses for him to not be honest about what he truly wants. How can he not trust me, but he goes out there and be exactly the same guys he "warns" me about? He thinks just because someone talks to me, that it's flirting or that I'm flirting. He gets mad if someone tries to flirt with me. He gets mad even when I tell people that I have a man because he thinks I like that person but just trying to cover it up. He has dated black girls in the past and he keeps comparing me to his exes, but it's more like he remembers all his exes negative stuff and thinks I'm doing what they've done to him or behind his back. But he'll also tell me that he knows I'm not like girls in his past. He has told me he "doesn't like black girls because they're so loud/obnoxious" and always make disgusted faces or noises when we do talk about black women.. and, yet, he secretly fantasizes about black women?

Most Helpful Girls

  • I'm sorry to tell you this, but maybe he's not attracted to you. It also seems that he doesn't like you.
    Maybe he has a fetish for black women or he's into black women but he's "afraid" of dating one.
    Don't want to be rude, but I think you should leave him. You deserve a man who truly loves you and respects you.

    • So when he's checking me out and touching me and rubbing up on me, is that all fake? He has dated black women before, but according to him, his brothers, and his best friend, all his exes used him or did stuff behind his back or he was their rebound or gold diggers. If someone is into another race, it's an excuse to be disgusted when talking about that race, right? Because he's hiding the fact that he's into that race.

    • I'm sorry but yes, it might be all fake. You said he compares you to his exes, right? That means, he might be comparing your body to his ex's bodies. It seems that he believes in stereotypes about black women. "If someone is into another race, it's an excuse to be disgusted when talking about that race, right? " - Yes, it does sound like a lame excuse. No offense, I know he's your boyfriend but I think he's racist.

  • Doesn’t matter why. Dump him. If you can ever describe something your partner does to you as ”forcing me” or ”ignores me” that’s your cue to leave that relationship as it’s toxic.

    • I've been trying to gather myself to leave. Certain things don't quite affect me anymore but some stuff does.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 1
  • Ask him.

    I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him this question

    • I have asked him and he gets defensive or stonewalls me. I just wanna understand why. I have even asked him if he likes black girls, why isn't he in a relationship or friends with benefits with one instead of getting into a relationship with an Asian? And he says he doesn't like the way black girls are. But he ignores me the rest of the time and watches homemade ebony porn or searches up black girls.

    • All i can say is. This is your relationship, and if he won't tell you or gets defensive, all you can do is, make a decision of is this something that you deal with stay, but if it is gonna continue to cause you mental anguish, i would say it's best to leave him. Don't settle for someone that makes you feel less than you deserve to feel. Also he shouldn't be forcing you to do something sexual, drunk or not.

  • Preference and fantasy. Example for me Asian girls are my weakness

    • And that's all I want him to be honest about. If he's into black women, go be with a black woman. Why did he choose to be with an Asian woman if he prefers something else that is within his reach anyways?