Why do guys look down on men whose wife or girlfriend had a lot of sex partners?

I never really got this. It's like guys love to make fun of a guy if he has a relationship with a girl who had a slutty past. And they just love to rub it in their faces.

The place I work at are mainly guys and they are constantly joking with the fiancée of this one guy at work. She used to be a little loose with the casual sex and the guys at work call her the blowjob queen. I don't get why they have to make fun of him. Apparently she has given a blowjob to one of the other guys at work right before she got together with her man from now and that colleague took a picture while she was doing it. The day after he announced that they were engaged, they printed and hung that picture at his work space. When they were one year together, someone set that picture as background on all the computers with a text like "she's already blown out one candle" or something. It's almost like they are bullying him for it.

And that is just one situation like that. I hear a lot of guys joking about this same kind of stuff. Why do guys do this? Does it give them some ego boost or something to laugh at someone? And why is it a negative thing?
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  • Your question seems to be about why they look down on her for it, not why they then use that as something to bully.

    You seem to be thinking that 'she married him though' or something along those lines, like it was just sex with others, she married him, why does the less important sex matter?

    I can give you an answer, but note that the mixture of what's instinct and what's culturally reinforced instincts is extremely hard to separate, but anyway:

    For most of our history, for men, having sex is the evolutionary prize. The more women you can have sex with the better, and if those women are young and fertile and healthy, that's a plus. You have not unlimited sperm, but you're capable of impregnating a lot of women. By contrast, your support and resources are much more limited. As well as having sex whenever you can, it's ALSO worth it to support the offspring of your 'best' partner, assuming she's faithful to you, to boost the kids odds of success.

    For women, it's quite different. She can only have a few kids, and only one per year or so, so random sex isn't very attractive. She wants the right partner. He better either have great genetics, or pretty good genetics plus be supporting and looking after her and kids and being a good partner.

    I realize nobody in your scenario is worrying about kids, but this goes to how we FEEL about things. For women, of course lots of men will have sex with them, that's not special, what's special is who the guy marries. She's right to feel that way - men are much more careful with who they marry then who they sleep with. So a guy who slept with others, but commits to her, she 'got' chosen by him above the others.

    For men, there's an element of that, but another element that's the reverse. In some ways, nothing is more flattering to a man than a woman who will have sex with him WITHOUT commitment. On some levels, commitment feels like something he 'gives' women, and sex is something women give him. So in the scenario you describe, he 'gave' commitment and got sex, but meanwhile she gave other guys sex for NOTHING. It feels like she was MORE into them sexually, and for men that's devastating, because while for men, it's their commitment that's the precious limited resource, for women it's sex that's the precious limited resource.

    • Wow. It kinda get's me quiet. Thanks for the long answer. I have to think on this but it does make sense

    • FWIW, I'd say their behavior is TOTALLY unacceptable, but you asked more about 'why would people think its bad' so I focused on that

  • I think it's more just teasing, and not so serious? But women are the same way and do it to, just differently! "He's a player, why are you with him? He'll cheat on you" etc. And they aren't teasing! Guys are more joking. Sometimes (often actually) guys do this purposely to one another to get under their skin. I don't know why that is, and yes it's horrible thing to do, but VERY common with guys.

    I personally don't know my friends girlfriends/wife's sexual past, nor care to or ask. Nor do they with me. Never have. So it's just some guys that do this. And it's usually the younger, more immature ones.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Wow!!! Clearly professionalism is completely absent in this firm. What business are they in?

    • It's a large storage facility where packages arrive and they get stored in trucks. I'm the receptionist/secretary. I won't say which firm.

    • Is it part of a larger firm? I don't care about the name.

    • yes, but since we only get in contact with some truckers and the contact is brief, they don't really care about what happens among the employees. Our boss even laughed at what happened.

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  • Men do it as they are not getting it from that person... its like when a guy tries it on with a girl and she declines and he calls her a slut.. it makes no sense but its what guys do...

    What they doing to that girl is horrible, these guys are not nice people and not all guys are dicks like that. My partners had more sexual encounters than i care to know, she's still the same person, it makes no difference to me

  • Because he married a slut, a type of girl that no sensible guy would marry to.

  • Don't women look down on other women who date 40 year old men who live with their mothers because they never had a job?

    She is trash. They are making fun of him because he is dating trash.
    They are trying to make him grow some balls, drop her, and perhaps look for someone who is worth his time.

    • Why is she trash?

    • Well, how would you describe those men who are making fun of your coworker? Are they nice, decent people? They are the men who she chose to blow and sleep with, men who clearly don't respect her in any way. Do decent people who value themselves sleep around with trash like that? No, they don't. Trash is who sleeps with them.

    • I think that's stupid. I mean, if she just blew him, why does that make her trash?

  • personally i dont care about such things so please dont assume all men think like that

  • You are essentuly asking why people bully others the reason this one is done is because they see him as less because 1 of them has had sexual favours from her so to him his soon to be wife is sloppy seconds

    • Why is she sloppy seconds? She will marry the one guy, not the other... I don't get it

    • Because the other guy has had some level of sex with her

    • What do you mean with some level. And why does that level make her sloppy seconds?

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  • Not sure exactly why but it dies happen. Maybe it's an ego thing for the other guys. i know I've been teased because of my wife's slutty past. One guy asked me if she even feels me after all the men she's been with.

    • That sucks. Do they say it in your face?

    • Yes they have

    • Criticized her for wearing a white wedding dress to marry me too. They all laughed about that

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  • I don't know. My friend's wife could have slept with every person at his school and that affects me in no way.

  • they don't. they really don't give a shit

  • They are trying to make you feel inferior. Ignore them, they have no right to judge.

  • Such guys are insecure imho, so a woman who has had hundreds if not thousands of partners, who chooses a particular guy, he must have something going for him imho,,,
    My girlfriend is 78, I'm 55, she estimates she's had over 2,000 different penises inside her and I just love knowing this,,,
    My lady has two other lovers that she says she only sees for sex, and prefers hanging out with me, they both have much bigger penises, she says she needs to be stretched properly from time to time,,,

  • Why type out a bullshit story?

  • Yeah I hear a lot of jokes and get made fun of a lot for my wife's past

    • A lot of the guys I know I've had sex with her at one time or another

    • And what kind of jokes?

    • Just like she's a s*** and sloppy seconds and everyone's had sex with her

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