Sexual Relationships
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Why do I feel so cheated as a woman when it comes to sex?

When I'm having sex, I'm expected to moan and act like it's the best fucking feeling in the world. I don't moan because it feels fake. Being penetrated (to me) doesn't feel like anything. Why should I pretend to be having a good time just so he can bust a nut? I've never orgasmed from penetration. I don't understand why women everywhere are encouraging this kind of behavior in porn. Even when I lost my virginity, it hurt but I didn't moan. I just said "ow" but not "ohhh ohhhh ohhhh" I want sex to be enjoyable but it just feels like an act. I've had sex with different guys of all penis shapes. I've been eaten out. None of it has inspired an honest moan from me. It's starting to frustrate me. Even rough rough sex feels lame. Is it just possible my vagina is too loose or numb? I don't understand but even with my first boyfriend it felt that way.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Most women, contrary to popular belief and porn, don't orgasm just from penetration. Women get more feeling from the first 4 or so inches of the vag hole. Also, the most nerves on a woman are from the clit, that travels all around the hole and at that knob under the hood. There are a lot of nerves around the butt, taint and anus of women as well. So, don't think you're the only one that doesn't get off from just fucking. The guys you've been with were probably just into getting themselves off and not interested in getting you off or they would know or care to know. If you mix it up with oral, fingers, touching your whole body, your nipples, light fingers down your back and across your ass. Kissing your neck while my fingers make my way around your pussy everywhere. Things like this add to the overall experience for both parties if you ask me, and usually lead to really strong sensual feelings and arousal, which then lead to a probably orgasm. A lot has to do with you feeling into the situation or guy or the idea of having an orgasm. YOu should be just having sex for the fun of it. I wouldn't worry too much.

    • I've done the whole foreplay with willing and sensitive partners. I've been fingered, my nipples have been sucked, my whole body has been kissed. There have been other too graphic things done. I don't know I guess could be my mental state

    • For me, sex, good sex especially, is very mental. It's even better when both parties are on the same wavelengths mentally. Such as, you both know what you want from one another during and they just do it without talking. Or you don't even think about what I should or should do during or if I'm touching her right or if she is bothered by how I look or sound. A lot of mental garbage can sabotage good sex and kill that intensity real quick. But if you're in a confident, sensual, happy, playful mood, and in a frame of mind that you just want to make them feel really good and in turn they make you feel even better, that's when it's the best. Then there is no selfishness or hangups, just pure enjoyment.

    • Are you an Aquarian or Gemini? I'm and aquarian, and sex is never just physical with me. So, more so than not, my sexual experiences have been... OK. But if I have that mental aspect that we are just really into each other physically and mentally, like we are just HUNGRY for each other, then it's the best sex EVER. I've only had this once and I still think about her.

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  • I think the breadth of your experience is part of the problem. It sounds to me like you've historically gotten physical before a deep psychological connection had the chance to form. It's kind of like building a house upside-down. Sex is the roof, not the basement. It can be both beautiful and important, but in order to be those things it has to draw strength from more basic, less glamorous structures underneath. That said, it also sounds like the guys you've been with have been too... scientific in their attempts to turn you on. They're probably too focused on the act itself and not enough on their love for you. Old-fashioned tenderness will probably do far more for your enjoyment of the act than any arcane erotic technique. If you put whipped cream on a pile of mud, it will still be mud. No amount of dressing will turn it into chocolate.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Hey some real great advice here from guys, so much of it true... But yeah, I'm hearing you! When I was in my early twenties, I didn't enjoy sex either and the reason for that was from being with inexperienced guys or the wrong ones... and you may need to do some self work to see what does get you off, but one of the most important factors is switching off, take your mind to another place where you are not thinking of anything apart from the sensations you are having... As simple as it sounds it's the draw card.. but try out things on your own, maybe you may drawn more into the BDSM? You may thrive more with whips and chains? only you can find your answer, self help, self search, self experiments, not relying solely on the mans role... bc it takes two, I find the moaning and screaming just happens because the breathing is what helps make the sensation of the orgasm... hope you find your answer...

    • I've tried dildos and vibes... those don't feel like much either. Self work can help some people, but I just don't have intercourse much personally.

  • I do have orgasms but don't make a ton of noise because I'm a quiet person. I feel pressure too, as well as pressure to keep doing a bunch of stuff I do t enjoy (anal, bring one of them), but in the end... It's not worth it just to go through the motions hating anything. I agree that guys have an easier time enjoying themselves in bed, as the whole outlook of sex is set up from their perspective... And growing more and more so as they burn out their dopamine centers watching violent porn. But many do want you to enjoy yourself and can be very giving.

    Are you on any kind of medication that could be interfering with sexual response? Birth control and antidepressants are two that are known to do it. The lack of sensation you seem to feel isn't necessarily normal. Is it that way when you touch yourself too?

  • I feel EXACTLY like how U do! I decided that I just wanted to do oral and fingering way more than intercourse.

    But even not cumming from being eaten out isn't uncommon. I can't cum unless I tell the guy what I like, constantly. But... that hasn't made me get off from sex. Penetration really does feel like nothing, except for around the entrance.

    A Q for you though, have U tired rough sex? Some friends of mine say they orgasm from that...

    I don;t think U sound like U have a mental or physical issue. what you're experiencing is so common.

    • And I actually don't like foreplay b4 penetration much. It's like sex always has to be an ordeal with an hour of foreplay first. Getting off from hands and tongues in 10-15 minutes is much better. And it doesn't matter what kind of lover the guy is... he just needs to know what I like. Regular sex feels the same as me licking the inside of my cheek... there's barely any sensation... the Clit is way better. And curling fingers are good too. But regular penetration has actually killed my orgasm b4.

    • Also, I actually have a pretty high sex drive. I get myself off multiple times a day and fantasize all the time. I don't have a mental or physical problem...

  • Girl, that isn't uncommon. I would suggest you and your partner spend more time on getting you ready. Being eaten out is great, but make sure to focus some attention on your clit.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Though it's possible that it's a physical (or mental) problem on your side, I have this strong feeling that just maybe, you've never been taken care of properly by a man. And no, by that I don't mean by fucked hardcore like in some stupid porn. What I mean is that you've got a guy that you truly, truly love (not somebody you just have sex with because... you don't really know) and who takes lots of time and makes a real effort to turn you on and make you horny. The way I understand it, making a girl very horny is much more important for most girls than the actual intercourse. Unfortunately, most guys completely neglect that. They think they can just stuff their cock inside a woman like horses or donkeys do it, pound her hard for a few minutes, cum in her and that's it. Business done. Women need time, love and attention I believe. I think if you had a guy that you really love and who would take maybe 1 whole hour before intercourse just to please you and do the things YOU like and enjoy without expecting you to reciprocate, I think there would be a real chance that you could also enjoy intercourse and penetration afterwards.

  • Then don't moan. I do understand our frustration but no all men are like his. I don't need vaginal penertrative sex to have hours of sexual fulfilment. These are to many other amazing things to do with a woman.
    You need time and a caring lover who likes giving pleasure as much as receiving it. I don't think you've got anything wrongness not found the right guy yet.

  • There are a lot of women who need a LOT of attention to get off. It it's not about size or shape so much as whether or not your partner takes the time to learn what does and does not work for you. Especially if you have not been able to figure it out for yourself yet. You need to experiment with different things. As you find things that work, even slightly, figure out what about it works for you. Then you will start to find a pattern. That it's the best advice I can think to offer at this time.

  • No it's normal I think it's like a 50/50 split of woman who can get off with penetration alone and woman who need clitoral stimulation and g spot stimulation simultaneously. But that is why some girls moan and others don't, my girl enjoys both but I have gone down on her every time we have sex before for the last 6 years. Maybe try a vibrating bullet to use while being penetrated?

    • I think it is actually less than 30% of women who actually orgasm from penetration alone.

  • One of the functions of moaning and making noise is to let your partner know when they are doing something that feels good. If you don't let your partner know what feels good, you can scarcely complain that hey aren't doing things that make you feel good.

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