I just don’t get it. When I masturbate (clitoral and penetration) I never had trouble reaching orgasm. But when I’m with a partner I can rarely if ever get there. Which in turn makes me stress about it which obviously will make things worse.
why is this?
Self-pleasure is more effective than PIV for two reasons.
*it is interactive. You give "inputs" and your body responds immediately with arousal.
*You are able to apply the exact technique and timing you need to suit your pleasure.
I admit that I am not legendary in the saddle. I am a relatively short round with somewhat of a hair trigger. I have become skilled at cunnilingus and studied fingering to get the best results. When she is in the mood, fingering is faster to orgasm than either PIV or Cunni.
The key to it may be exactly what you are doing for yourself. You said this: "When I masturbate (clitoral and penetration) I never had trouble reaching orgasm." My thinking is that you are hitting all three hot spots at the same time: Vagina opening, G-spot and clitoris. From both looking online and "hands on field research", I discovered that this is the technique that accomplishes that.
Three fingering hits all three hot spots and that idle ring finger is available to tease your anus if you want it. You can (and may be) doing this for yourself.
I not only use it as foreplay but if she isn't approaching orgasm with PIV (often), I will switch back and finish her up that way.
Well said
Because you are in control of the whole situation you know exactly where to touch how to touch it how slow how fast how deep and you control all the sensation the speed the softness the depth so of course you're going to make it 10 times better
If the guy that you're with can't read your eyes the color of your cheeks the way you breathe or moan if he's just in it for himself then he's not going to please you anyway a guy that's into everything that I wrote above and knows how to read you he can take you there and further and more times
But most guys nowadays are just into it for themselves and they do not know how to read a girl anyway
Not uncommon.
Here is a suggestion... Find a guy you are comfortable with, show him your body, and demo what you like. Then talk him through rubbing you to orgasm. May be awkward a couple of times but repeat until it works. It's a combo of the guy knowing how to please you and yourself being able to be comfortable with it.
Because you know exactly how to touch yourself and what you like. Sex with a partner is more complex. I believe this happens to most of us.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!In part because you and/or your partner believe that you *have* to...
And/or perhaps your partner doesn't do what it takes for you to do so.
And perhaps sex with a guy distracts you from the kinky thoughts you have when doing it yourself.
Does that make sense?
Maybe you need to help and teach your partner how to get your juices flowing and to an orgasm.
Perforance anxiety? Self conscious about your appearance?
Sometimes a penis just doesn't hit the right spots to make you cum from penetration alone. Many people need to flick the bean while getting fucked to cum during penetration. And you know where you like it intimately when you penetrate yourself, so you're more likely to bring yourself to orgasm through that.
Storm.. I think you have to show your boyfriend exactely how you masturbate so he can learn
That's normal most women struggle to orgasm from penetration.
With masturbation you have more control over where you put your fingers to hit the right spots. A vibrator gives more stimulation than a penis can because er it doesn't vibrate.
If you want a guy to get you to orgasm show them what you like and how they can stimulate you better with here hands or a toy.
If you want to orgasm during penetration then you need to play with your clit when they penetrate you, use a vibrator of some sort or get him to wear a vibrating cock ring.
Add to this finding positions that hit the right spots.
You know yourself better than a parter would so it's easier to orgasm from masturbating. I think this is normal
Based on what you wrote here in the past, your head is in the way of your lust. You’re constantly overthinking everything regarding the guy, so you can’t let loose.
You're too much in your head, and probably masturbate too much. Similar to men that can't get it up for a real woman because they watch too much porn, women too become desensitized to the real thing after too much masturbation. In a nutshell, anything you do consistently, you're going to eventually get good at, and used to. Its the law of practice essentially. So lay off masturbating for a few months, and you'll have that urge for the real thing, and be less in your head during the deed. Good luck.
From what I understand the majority of women don't orgasm from intercourse. They need more direct clitoral stimulation. When you're with your partner you can show him how to stimulate your clit so it feels good like when you masturbate. And oral too. And that can all be part of sex for you two because he's gonna orgasm from intercourse.
You know your turn in buttons andcshen you madturbate you are only thinking if your pleasure. During sex, you're thinking of him too, which makes it harder for you to orgasm.
Next time you have sex, only think of yourself, let him pleasure himself... and you. ... and see if that helps you get there.
When i watch sad movies, i can easily cry when i am alone. If i watch the same scene with a partner or close friend, i can't cry. When i am alone, i am more relaxed. Even when i am with a very close person, i feel some kind of selfcontrol taking over, i can't turn it off.
This makes many things harder, like orgasming with a partner. I can't fully relax when i have sex, its full of hidden signals, secret expections and i always think about what my partner wants, needs, feels and thinks. Sex is a very exhausting act for my mind xD
I think thats one reason why many women (and some men) struggle to orgasm with a partner, while they could orgasm without any problems alone.
Don’t feel bad! Everyone’s different, and you have to find what works for you. Sometimes it’s a challenge for partners because they want to please you and think it’s a about them, but it’s not fair to you to fake for their feelings when you’re just trying to get off yourself. Good communication is key and facilitates experimentation. Is your partner able to masturbate you to orgasm? Is there anything in particular from the times you are able to? Do you still enjoy intercourse even when you don’t? When you both know what works, it’s okay to take turns. It doesn’t always have to be perfect, but hopefully the frequency makes up for it.
Because you are focused on making your partner happy!..
You pleasing your partner takes away focus from yourself.
You could possibly have a mental block. Like you said you tend to stress about it which could be causing a mental block.
Same goes with men. They will worry about cumming really fast which actually causes them to cum prematurely.
My ex girlfriend is the same way as you. She went through a whore phase for several years. She is still unable to have an orgasm during sex. Her promiscuity has effected her brain chemistry to wear she doesn't get gratification from sex. But yet she's able to cum just fine masturbating.
Im not saying that is your problem. Its just an example. You just need to relax during sex and let your mind go blank
Your focusing
Most women don't orgasm easily with a partner, and most male partners don't put in the effort with foreplay and/or clitoral stimulation to get the job done. Unfortunately most guys focus on their own pleasure during sex, and not yours. Your focus on not being able to orgasm with a partner will also make it harder to do
I never get easy access to my clit that’s why I don’t usually
It's psychological. Thats a huge part of arousal. You need to be as comfortable with your partner as you are with yourself.
Don't feel bad. A lot of women are unable to achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. That's why you'll often see girls rubbing their clit, while being fucked. Also, if you masturbated for a long time before you started having sex, then your body is used to the masturbation, so sex doesn't cause the same sensations. So don't beat yourself up. Next time you have sex, rub your clit or ask him to do it.
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