Why do men not get as attached after sex like women do?

As you guys know I'm currently looking after my younger sister and my neice, I'm staying in my parents house. I made a post explaining this. Anyways I go back to my flat/apartment today that I share with my boyfriend and we get into a massive argument.

We hadn't had sex in 2 weeks and I was upset. I did the one thing that I shouldn't do, sex after an argument. We then had sex and I just feel so alone and used. He said I was being to clingy because I want to spend time with him. He's just ignored me. We're we're meant to watch a movie and have ice cream but that's probably not happening now.

I've gone back to my parents house now but I just feel so used. I do this everytime and I feel the same. Even if I was at home, he would just blank me and play the computer. Why do I do this to myself? I feel worse after, all the time. I just want him to pay attention to me.

We spoke about couples therapy again but he said he was not paying $60. I found some things online to help and he laughed. I know what you'll say and I know you're right. I just don't wanna be alone even though I am alone all the time. You say talk about this and we do but nothing happens. Why do I feel like this?
Updates:
1 y
I've done research into it, there isn't anything wrong with me. Oxytocin is a hormone produced in the hypothalamus, which opens the floodgates when you have sex. That rush of oxytocin is involved in the physical part of sex. It can also boost emotions like love, affection and euphoria. Men lack this and this is why it's different from women 💖
1 y
I appreciate all the feedback. I know what I need to do but I'm not ready yet. I need to be in a better headspace. Its probably best we are apart rn anyways
3 2

Most Helpful Girls

  • Take this from an experienced girl who had sex with a lot of guys.

    When men have casual sex, its because he is in desperate need for sexual relief. It is not because he wants to enjoy making out with you or enjoy the process of getting intimate with you. He just wants to get it over with: let his dick enjoy the sensation so he can relieve himself from all the stress of abstinence. Single guys get very stressed when they are without sex for an extended period of time. Mens' sexual organs has more frequent needs compared to female sexual organs. Men are more desperate for sex than women so they don't care about who they are having sex with. As long as it is sex, they will be happy.

    If you hadn't noticed , most modern men suck in bed. Its very cheap low quality sex. The reason is because men just fuck to get things over with. They're not looking to enjoy the process or put in the effort.

    Typically women are less desperate than men since her sexual organs have less frequent / less intense needs. So therefore, this allows her the ability to be more picky about who she has sex with. Additionally when a woman says she wants casual sex, there is a good chance she is also missing some sort of affection in her life. Unconsciously, she wants that affection with the man she is doing friends with benefits with. This is why they get attached more.

    Men get attached too. A lot of the guys I had sex with bonded with me via sex. Its just that men are less likely to get attached, But it does not mean they don't get attached,

    • @haha456 Excellent point. Most guys simply don't have enough experience to be good at sex. This is why it's important for men to have sex w/ a variety of women. A guy that can only have sex w/ one chick is going to be so scared and desperate that he's not going to be able to really enjoy sex. When you have multiple women, you can try different things w/ them and if they don't like it they can he replaced. The only type of guy that gets attached to a girl via sex are inexperienced ones. If you're hv, pussy is the easiest and cheapest commodity in the world, which is why guys should focus on raising their value over women.

    • @Vegasrunner Its not the lack of experience. Its the fact that they are lazy and simply do not care.

    • @Vegasrunner Men dont have casual sex because they want to put in any effort and enjoy the process. They just want someone to help them relieve their sexual frustration

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  • Because Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.

    Why do men not get as attached after sex like women do?

    This should be required reading.

    • I know, it is on my reading list!

    • I think it would actually benefit men more than women, because women are much more complex. lol

    • Thanks for the MHO

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

13 37
  • I apologize sis 🥺☹️ He doesn’t have the love feels for you back 🥺🤲

    but that’s okay when you can finally admit it, is when you can move on. You just need the courage to do so.

    Definitely the attachment lies within the cognitive ways of thinking.

    A woman’s inner most desires become louder and stronger when and after sessy time happens. Meanwhile the guy is performing a “had-a-itch-had-to-scratch-it-feels-better/good-now” sensory function.

    his goals and such aren’t placed into such an event and don’t come out or strengthen after it…

    women want to have a male best friend a companion of reciprocity, they think unveiling these parts of the human body brings them closer and on the same wavelength as both are now going to confide and trust in each other and have each other’s backs…

    but that’s not what sex means. Actually men and women shouldn’t have sex until that loyalty is already established

    because yes- we all should be on the same wavelengths as our partners and sex should only solidify/ reaffirm that,

    but when a serious lady only gets involved with a man who isn’t loyal to her, and doesn’t have her face standing beside his goals- if he doesn’t envisions a future with her- he’s not serious about her.

    There’s a good handful of men who don’t attach anything to sex because they always want it to be fun. They don’t want anything to ruin it.

    No one wants to give meaning to a scratch.

    So some men have that empty yet relieving sex,

    but a good handful can be the opposite, and serious, having sex that means something to them, and feels well earned, the prize of winning the trust of a lady they want to grow old with.

    Also these values have to be taught to some men, and if not taught, only few will think of it and decide it for themselves.

    I really do apologize and can relate. It’s so odd because it’s like we’re twins a tiny bit.

    I had to help my sister and my nephew, and I was also feeling clingy with my LDR boyfriend. I ended it with him after 🤔 4-6 months.

    It won’t get better sis.

    BUT YOU WILL.

    I have every ounce of hope for you.

    Understand a lot of men and young men grow up alone.

    A lot of other women like you and me have grown up alone.

    It’s being independent, but you won’t feel alone when you’re with your hobbies/ friends/ family, pet companions, and etc.

    Get busy with life. Live it up!

    I believe in you 🥺🙌

    • I know but it's hard. I'm sorry you had to go through that and tysm for your kind words as always! 💖

  • It all depends on the man, situation and circumstances of the relationship. As a young man, I am ashamed to admit, that I got involved with women just for the sex. I mean we had a good time, and the relationship ran it course, and even though I knew that it didn't have a real future I still made the most of it and enjoyed the ride for as long as it lasted.

    I would not say I ever used anyone for sex, nor would I say that I got involve with any women that I did not respect or care about on some level.

    As I got older, like age 42 on, I really avoid getting involve with women I do not have a sincere emotional connection with, and then after sex that connection is stronger for me. But again, I have a lifetime of mistakes that allowed me to come to this place in my life.

    Given what you wrote here, sounds to me this guy is an ass hole and not the right guy for you. Your guilt is based upon the fact that you know this to be true, but you fucked him anyway. I would close the door on this relationship and move on. Learn what you need to learn from this experience, and apply those lessons learned to your next and better future relationship.

    But it does not sound to me that this man truly cares about you.

  • I think for men sex is more physical and less emotional/romantic unless it’s with a woman they truly feel emotionally connected with already or have deep, meaningful feelings for.

  • Men learn to "compartmentalize" feelings. It's a necessary survival skill in many situations.

    • Followup to your update: men actually DO crave that Oxytocin, but again, learning to go without it is part of compartmentalizing difficult feelings. The trick is to not let a problem in one sector of your life spill over into the other sectors and impair getting done what needs to get done over there.

  • Hey sorry you're experiencing these issues in a five year relationship. Well done for at least trying to suggest couples therapy. I don't like the way your man is responding at all 😕 I think you deserve better, I'm sorry. I know it's hard because you have been together for a long time. From what I know, if a guy is into a girl he will form attachments through sex. It is however easier for them to ' hit and quit' if it's a girl they don't have strong feelings for. If it's a girl they don't see themselves committing to, getting married and having babies etc.

    For me, the one guy I had sex with just turned on his back, went quiet, turned around and fell asleep. I knew he didn't have feelings or want anything more. Despite having a friendship, cuddling and dating, it was easy for him to completely detach from me.

    But not all guys are like this. I hope you can work it out, but in my mind you deserve a lot better. Best of luck. ❤️

  • Looking at the brighter side, now you know how "important" you are to him.

    Now, you have the choice to stay in this relationship where you see all the red flags, or look for someone who will treat you right. Know your worth.

  • Actually we DO get attached.
    If you have steady sex with a man, he will fall in love with you.

    • Explain please

    • Males are like dogs. I am serious. There's an old adage for keeping a man: "Keep his belly full and his balls empty." When a man has steady consistent interaction with a female and that interaction is rewarding (like sex and affection and feeling safe with a loyal woman), basic psychology tells us that he will keep doing whatever is necessary to keep getting that reward. It's called "positive reinforcement". (It's just like Pavlov's dog.) If these positively reinforcing situations keep occurring, they become a regular part of his life and his designs his life so that the situation keeps happening because, at a subconscious level, he doesn't want it to change or stop. And, if he feels that the situation is threatened or coming to an end, he will get very upset and want to fix that. In short, he has become addicted to the situation. That, young lady, are the symptoms of a breaking heart and being in real love. Real love is an addiction. So! Keep his belly full and his balls empty (and minimize the drama or stress in his life) and he will be safely yours.

    • So I'm meant to serve him while I feel like he is using me? I still don't understand, this is where I need to study English more haha

  • I can't answer the question about why (if) men don't get as attached. There are smarter people than me on this site who maybe can.

    I can tell you one answer to you last question. You feel like that because you're human. And you care. And his behavior falls far short of normal and acceptable. You feel like that because you need someone who's your rock and he's supposed to be that person and he's not.

  • Because it’s mainly transactional, and (generally) to literally get their dick off, in an effort to quiet their burning hormonal & physical drive to put their penis in stuff & make it squirt as often as possible. Woman have emotions wrapped up in their twat, & guys are not hardwired that way. They just are ejaculation crazy.

  • You two doesn't want the same kind of bond. It's not like doesn't bond its that you guys are on different levels in what you want in closness. He is clearly independent and as long as he get sex he has no need to put in any extra effort. Since he doesn't want more closeness.

  • I heard that it's because we produce oxytocin after sex which is the hormone that makes us feel a bond. Where men produce more dopamine which is more merely just pleasure. It sucks lol





  • That’s not entirely accurate.
    Do you know what men have in common with linoleum?


    It’s funny because it’s true! Ell oh ell!
    If you fail to hook a fella with sex, you need to up your game.


















    If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years!

    • I'm not sexually experienced

    • You don’t have to be experienced to be a good lover. All you have to be is considerate. Ask them what they need and want out of sex, and give that to them. Everyone wants great sex, but nobody is willing to talk about sex with their lovers. There are these bizarre ideas floating around that we’re just supposed to know how to please each other, especially when we’re “in love”. Negative! You gotta have communication. Everything else is futile if you’re not talking.

  • I just hate it when people stop taking the effort of trying to impress the people already with them. I would not do that with my wife for sure. Not after hearing not only your story, but other similar stories also.

    One thing I am sure of is, I will always keep my wife interested in me. No matter what. She should not feel that she married some boring guy or something similar of that nature.

    • Even when I may be a bit boring naturally. But that also depends on what is boring to her.

    • So I'm not interesting enough?

    • I cannot tell that. I know very much little about you. But you are quite awesome from what I know.

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  • Some of the opinions about men and sex here make me feel i must be the ultimate lover. Damn. I've never just pumped and dumped. Sex usually made me more attached. Then again, I've also never fucked someone I dont care about...

  • In an age where people are individualised more and more, being so afraid of being alone and constantly asking for attention is shortest way of being disillusioned and frustrated.

    He probably doesn't really find things you want to do with him interesting. You don't have to constantly keep tabs and be together with everything

    And if's not happening, you don't have to be pathetic about it.

    Sex is mutual, unless he doesn't suck at it. I simply can't fathom with why so many women feel themselves used, just because a man doesn't follow it up with attention?

    By the way, I once saw an article about men having a physical tendency after sex to shy away from their partners

    • He knows I get more attached to him after sex though. Its difficult for us, I feel extremely used rn and alone )

    • Then fucking don't do it. Why are you with him if the whole thing doesn't reward you in any way? People are not responsible of your emotions and feelings, you know. There are a lot of bullocks talked to women about this, but at the end of the day, nobody will be able to give you happiness. It is something you're supposed to find by being in envoirenments, being in relationships, being occupied with things you love Apparently, at least one department is surely lacking, and instead of moving on, or accepting it as it is, you're just demanding it to become something else. Which's a thing borne of impossible

    • I've made loads of posts explaining this. I love him

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  • Who said men don’t attached? I believe we do just as much if not more, the difference is we may not show or don’t know how to show and the fear of being misunderstood.

    • I didn’t totally get your question first but I don’t really think sex is relevant I don’t know about other guys but I was in relationships where I loved that person but I was distracted at times, distant at others I was where you at feeling lonelier than ever and I was where he is as well. You are young and you will have good and bad experiences but those are the ingredients of a stronger you.

  • This guy is comfortable the way the situation is. From his perspective, he doesn’t have to do much, spend time with you and gets sex when he wants it. To love someone and invest in them and spend time with them is a choice. He’s probably at level 2 out of 10 on the scale and you are much much higher. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. From what you’ve posted you are a terrific person and deserve someone who will match your intensity and feelings. Leaving is never easy but it would be short term pain, long term gain. Just something to consider. The decision will come to you. 👍

  • Don’t give him sex anymore, maybe he has a girlfriend?

    • I'm his girlfriend 😐

    • Get another boyfriend

    • Easier said than done, can't throw away a 5 year relationship like this but okay

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  • another myth women like to perpetuate

  • Men do get emotionally attached just like girls do. Every guy is different.

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